My fiancee volunteered to me one day that his female coworker is a but-her face (good body, ugly face). He also talked about her wearing skimpy clothes in training and would often bring her up in conversations telling me about their interactions. She is small and very fit. I am tall and curvy. I feel that it’s disrespectful to say that about her to
me. I feel like something is off. My confidence in myself in this relationship is shook. I’m worried there’s something there and it’s hard when he goes to work cause she’s there. I don’t want to be intimate and am contemplating ending it. Is this rational?
TL;DR; : he made inappropriate comments about his coworker. Am I being too sensitive?
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You’re not being to sensitive at all and I wouldn’t appreciate my partner ogling another woman at all and CERTAINLY not doing so in a way that both denigrates her yet still marks her as a suitable piece of meat for himself. GROSS
First off, you’re not weird for getting the ick. Frankly, that is a really odd thing to volunteer out of the blue with no prompting from you.
If you reversed the roles and told him that you have an extremely tall, jacked and chiseled coworker but his face is ugly, he probably wouldn’t be thrilled to hear about it.
It’s very odd that he keeps bringing her up in conversations. Calling her a butterface is just mean, yet he seems to be into her. Don’t get married.
Is this part of a pattern of behavior? Does he usually obsess over other women? Go to couple’s counseling before you marry this man. Trust your gut.
That’s definitely red flag behavior. If it continues, I’d definitely leave.
Your sensitivity, your feelings are important. If you lost your vibe for your fiance, now’s the time to walk away. Partners should be building us up, not skeezing us out.
You haven’t even addressed this with him and you are already contemplating ending this with him? I must say, your communication skills are out of this world!
Here is a little secret, it’s better to know what’s in his head than not. If you tell him that you find that inappropriate, then he’ll stop sharing that with you but he will still do it nonetheless. Be shrewd… get in your best shape for YOU! Then start talking about someone at the (fill in the blank) who’s in a great shape. Do it just a couple of times and let him wonder what goes on in your head. That mystery will have him forget any and all but-her faces and 10/10s out there. Be smart. Leave emotions for pets and babies.
Please run fast. This is a way for him to test the boundaries with you. Trust me – I did the exact same thing.
A couple things come to mind…
Men who make derogatory comments about women usually have abusive qualities in relationships.
When someone speaks poorly of others when they aren’t around, they usually speak that way about you when you aren’t around.
Thats incredibly disrespectful. Why on Earth is he qualifying other women’s bodies period, much less to your face? I wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior behind my back either. Commitment and respect are everything in a relationship. Your intuition is firing off here, you’re right to pay attention.
Your 46 year old fiance is gross. Please leave this loser. He has zero respect for women.
Trust your gut.
If you have been with him for a while he might just try and be more himself with you as in speaking as if he was wjth his dudes, where he would usually feel like he’s himself before he met you. And dudes talk like that.
I think it’s appropriate to calmly warn him that it’s a massive turn off for you that he says that and since he probably wants action he will stop. Then you having thoughts about him liking his coworker is just your insecurity unless you have valid proof.
Don’t ruin an otherwise good relationship for something so menial. Ppl here telling others to leave their SO for the smallest things are clowns.
Unpopular opinion but you’re allowed to find other people attractive even when in a relationship. If you find the way he said it disrespectful then communicate that with him. The key to a successful relationship is not taking offence at everything and this applies to both parties
Your self esteem doesn’t depend on someone else’s permission. You need to work on that. Assume he’s with you because he’d be crazy not to be. Don’t act like he’s doing you a favor. Life will be better for you all around.
very common for someone to insult a person to their partner when they secretly have a crush
Your fiance is a creep. This isn’t about your self respect. This is you recognizing on some level that he’s a creep. Sure, it’s normal to notice attractive people in passing, but dissecting their features like that is not, especially if you keep good, respectful boundaries. Your subconscious is warning you.
Why not find a guy your age? 46 is ancient compared to you.
The gross thing here is that you’re engaged to someone who could even call a woman that! Absolutely filthy! Don’t take it to heart about you, he clearly has no idea and you’re worth way more than this.
He’s bashing her because he is into her. She likely has no interest in him, so he is angry.
Your fiancée calling another woman ugly damaged your self esteem? Get help.
How often is he talking about her? Once time, or a lot? If it’s one time, this is a you problem that you need to get over. If it’s a lot, then yeah, this is weird and something is wrong with his attitude.
It’s weird he would say that to OP.
I’d guess she’s super-attractive, but wants make OP think otherwise.
None of this is inappropriate. Him telling you about the interactions at his work, or gossiping about how his coworker dresses is super normal, as long as he’s not being unnecessarily mean. You seem extremely insecure, if you cant handle that end the relationship, but this seems to be entirely on your side, and I suggest you learn to cope with the fact that your fiancee will interact with many more attractive women throughout his life, and its weird if he is not allowed to tell you, simply because you think that means he prefers other body types to yours.
Gross…. he was 16 already when the coworker was born… and 30 years isn’t even that long ago
Also why can’t you just tell him that hin talking about his coworker this way is making you uncomfortable? Calling someone butterface is sexual harassment and extremely disrespectful to her and also to you, like how is this relevant to his relationship with you and why do you even need to know about this????????
You can find people outside of your relationship attractive but this is not the way you should be expressing it
Did he not get proper education at home or something about these things smh
He is talking to you about her. Especially more than one occasion. He has a crush on her
I experienced this before. He kept talking about how annoying a woman at work was. How ugly she was. He had a crush on her and I found him texting her
Yes it’s rational, it’s your gut telling you something is off, listen to it.