Throwaway because drama. I’m 17F. A(19F) and H(17M) knew each other before i joined the friend group and at first it felt like we were going to be a close trio – H and I became best friends pretty fast. Me and A also run a small page on Instagram together, so there’s a friendship side and a project side to our relationship. At first everything was fine, but overtime A started getting cold. She became jealous of how close me and H are, she started ignoring him and she’d make snide comments or straight up exclude me from conversation in group chats. In July I called her out about it and things improved for a little while, but then the passive-aggressive behavior came back.
She mostly stopped engaging with the main group, created groups with other friends of hers, only talking to me about the Page, and even there she’s been snippy and uncollaborative. Me, H, and a few other tried to talk to her privately and as a group multiple times to ask what was wrong, and try to fix things, but we kept getting short replies or no real answers, and then the same behavior would restart. it got to the point where the vibes where constantly tense and planning anything felt awkward because we never knew if she’d be randomly cold or start drama.
After repeated attempts to communicate with no real change, the group decided to make a new chat without her so we could stop the constant tension and actually talk and plan like normal people. it’s wasn’t meant to be petty – it was a boundary to protect the group dynamic and to keep the Page running without any drama. Since then she’s been posting passive-aggressive things on Instagram and twitter and sending little digs in DMs, which feels fake and annoying given how many times we tried to sort things out.
I still feel bad because we share the Page and she used to be part of the group, but also feel like we exhausted reasonable options. So – AITA for creating a separate group chat without her after months of exclusion, cold behavior, and passive-aggressive posts?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
Throwaway because drama. I’m 17F. A(19F) and H(17M) knew each other before i joined the friend group and at first it felt like we were going to be a close trio – H and I became best friends pretty fast. Me and A also run a small page on Instagram together, so there’s a friendship side and a project side to our relationship. At first everything was fine, but overtime A started getting cold. She became jealous of how close me and H are, she started ignoring him and she’d make snide comments or straight up exclude me from conversation in group chats. In July I called her out about it and things improved for a little while, but then the passive-aggressive behavior came back.
She mostly stopped engaging with the main group, created groups with other friends of hers, only talking to me about the Page, and even there she’s been snippy and uncollaborative. Me, H, and a few other tried to talk to her privately and as a group multiple times to ask what was wrong, and try to fix things, but we kept getting short replies or no real answers, and then the same behavior would restart. it got to the point where the vibes where constantly tense and planning anything felt awkward because we never knew if she’d be randomly cold or start drama.
After repeated attempts to communicate with no real change, the group decided to make a new chat without her so we could stop the constant tension and actually talk and plan like normal people. it’s wasn’t meant to be petty – it was a boundary to protect the group dynamic and to keep the Page running without any drama. Since then she’s been posting passive-aggressive things on Instagram and twitter and sending little digs in DMs, which feels fake and annoying given how many times we tried to sort things out.
I still feel bad because we share the Page and she used to be part of the group, but also feel like we exhausted reasonable options. So – AITA for creating a separate group chat without her after months of exclusion, cold behavior, and passive-aggressive posts?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made a new group chat for our friend group that explicitly excluded A after months of her being cold, excluding people in chats, and refusing to actually talk about the problem despite repeated attempts.
Why this might make me the AH: by creating the chat behind her back I effectively iced her out and cut her off from group conversations — from her point of view it looks like we ganged up on her and excluded her without a final warning or a clear, direct ultimatum. That exclusion probably hurt her and complicates the fact we still share an Instagram Page, so I can see why people would call me the AH.
Why I think they might be right: I feel guilty because we didn’t give one last, explicit “we’re doing this unless you change” conversation or a clear notice before making the new chat, and maybe I should’ve handled the Page and the exclusion more transparently.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Its obvious shes into H and jealous that youre taking him away. Theres an adult, mature qay to solve this but you females love to hover and run around the issues. Also, it seems that YOU started the new chat, because ypu know that this is the issue that needs to be solved and want to avoid it. ESH here.
NTA, you made repeated attempts to fix the problem, and she continued to be unpleasant. These are the natural consequences to being rude and uncooperative.
Oh god does this not make me miss highschool. You don’t have to include every friend in every situation, especially when that person makes you uncomfortable.
However when that happens be aware that someone who is in the group just might send that chat back to the person you didn’t add.
NTA. She excluded herself with her behavior.