This is my first time doing something like this so please don’t pick apart any mistakes. I’m not sure if it’s relevant to this story but I am a young (f) my mom is a middle aged (f) . She has no medical problems involving her bladder. Today, she sneezed three times and accidentally peed on the kitchen floor from intensity, for comtext she has really big sneezes. This is the first time something like this has happened. I was present when this happened, and we both kinda laughed in shock from the strange predicament. If she did have some kind of medical condition where this happened frequently, or if it were my dog who had an accident, or something, I would’ve totally helped clean the mess up. But because it wasn’t anything like that, I didn’t want to get near another person’s body fluids. I left after that, and she didn’t chase after me. Apparently that made her angry. A couple hours afterwards, I’m guessing after she cleaned it and watched some TV, she came into my room angrily. She asked my why I didn’t offer to clean up her pee, and I sort of chuckled and apologized because I was a little shocked. I didn’t think I needed to?? She made the mess, she should clean it up?? If she dropped juice on the floor, I would’ve helped no doubt, but this is pee we were talking about. Also, it wasn’t an enormous amount, it was maybe a few drops on the floor, so I don’t understand why she got mad at me. Am I the asshole?
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This is my first time doing something like this so please don’t pick apart any mistakes. I’m not sure if it’s relevant to this story but I am a young (f) my mom is a middle aged (f) . She has no medical problems involving her bladder. Today, she sneezed three times and accidentally peed on the kitchen floor from intensity, for comtext she has really big sneezes. This is the first time something like this has happened. I was present when this happened, and we both kinda laughed in shock from the strange predicament. If she did have some kind of medical condition where this happened frequently, or if it were my dog who had an accident, or something, I would’ve totally helped clean the mess up. But because it wasn’t anything like that, I didn’t want to get near another person’s body fluids. I left after that, and she didn’t chase after me. Apparently that made her angry. A couple hours afterwards, I’m guessing after she cleaned it and watched some TV, she came into my room angrily. She asked my why I didn’t offer to clean up her pee, and I sort of chuckled and apologized because I was a little shocked. I didn’t think I needed to?? She made the mess, she should clean it up?? If she dropped juice on the floor, I would’ve helped no doubt, but this is pee we were talking about. Also, it wasn’t an enormous amount, it was maybe a few drops on the floor, so I don’t understand why she got mad at me. Am I the asshole?
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> I guess I think I might be the asshole because I didn’t help my mom
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA since she was capable of doing it herself. If she was too sick or incapacitated, then well, it is kind to help look after loved ones when they can’t. But that wasn’t the case here.
NTA this is bonkers (bc they won’t let me type a meaner word)
I love my mom, but for as long as she is healthy, her urine is her own problem
Is your mom possessive about you or weird about other things? This is so strange.
Your mom could have interstitial cystitis. I am 50 years old and started showing signs 5 years ago. There is medication and treatment. She should see a urologist.
Urine a pickle. Think she can grab a rag and deal.
WTF? Why is your apparently completely able mom pissed at you for not cleaning her pee when she can do it for herself?
No honey, you are absolutely NTA and I’m wondering if she just wanted to be angry about something?
Has that happened before? Some people get unreasonable when they’re embarrassed and need to make the event someone else’s fault.
It might be time for tena lady / depends / pads if she’s going to pee sneeze.
NTA – She’s clearly capable of cleaning it up for herself. This is a rare case where the child should be entitled to question parental directions; you do not have to do what she tells you when those orders are abusive, and “clean up my piss because I’m too lazy to do so” is extremely abusive.
If she was incapacitated by a medical condition and couldn’t do it, she’d have some kind of in-home assistance that would do it. If she was just so drunk that she didn’t care where she pissed, that’s not her child’s problem. In any case, you cannot be any kind of asshole for refusing to clean up Mom’s piss.
NTA!!
Your mom should see a physical therapist for her pelvic floor. It’s not your fault she gave birth and now pees sometimes. I am doubtful it’s the first time, but it won’t be the last.
NTA
NTA. It is really not your responsibility to clean it up. Unless I needed the help I wouldn’t want someone cleaning up my pee if this happened to me.
I would say asking her why she got so upset, from a place of genuinely trying to understand her might be worthwhile. Sometimes with things like this it is another topic entirely that’s actually got someone upset and they aren’t willing or capable of properly expressing themself. That’s still on her, but it would help you to actually know. She might be scared you won’t take care of her when she’s older, or she may have actually needed help and was too proud to ask.
NTA
Buy her a packet of Depends. NTA.
NTA AT ALL and even if it were juice she’s is fully able to take care of herself. Super weird to be mad that no one wants to clean your bodily fluids off the ground
Eww. Why on earth would she expect you to clean up her bodily fluids when she is perfectly capable of doing it herself? That’s a hard pass for me.
INFO: you say you laughed in the moment and then left. Could your mum be upset that she felt you were just making fun of her for a physical issue (that she might well be embarrassed about) rather than sympathizing and helping?
I don’t think you should actually clean up someone else’s bodily fluids unless they are incapable, and if she genuinely wanted you to do that, it’s very strange, and SWBTA. But if you came across as mocking rather than supportive, YMBTA.
I don’t know why you think this isn’t a medical condition. Stress incontinence is a very common issue for women who’ve given birth; sneezing, coughing and trampolines are all fraught with danger! Pelvic floor exercises or physio therapy might help.
NTA, but this is absolutely a medical problem. Your mother was probably embarrassed and tried to shift some of those feelings on to you. Don’t take it personally and try to cut her some slack, that’s a hard thing to deal with.
Yes you are…. she wiped, cleaned you so many times. Karma will get you one day, when your in the kitchen with your child, and you sneeze and wet yourself
NTA Why on earth would your mother even expect that – if she was unfit that would be a different matter but she is not. She made the mess so she should clean it. She should be ashamed to have even thought ypu should do it.
NTA.
NTA. I personally have a rule that I only clean up someone else’s urine if they came from me, ie only my children, unless there is a medical reason. And even that much is a lot considering my children are now old enough to to successfully not pee their pants, but accidents happen.
WOW she needs to buy pads or diapers!! If it’s just a few drops a mini pad should work!! Otherwise she needs to talk with her doctor! Adults take care of their own messes!!
NTA
Your mother sounds like a bully.
Weak pelvic floor after pregnancy/giving birth.
This was maybe the first time with you present. Because otherwise a normal person would be embarrassed and rush to clean it up (and take a shower)
My guess is that she has a bad pelvic floor after giving birth however many years ago so she’s blaming you for it, since it probably occurred from being pregnant/giving birth. Well, that’s simply not your problem. She chose to have a child, it’s also her responsibility to get pelvic floor therapy if she got an issue for it. That’s not your fault. NTA. She’s not incapacitated, she can clean up her own urine. She should also go to a pelvic floor physical therapist.
Once again, the serious replies to the obviously made up story are hilarious.
NTA. I had an abusive mother, so am quick to lean into that explanation. And I am doing that now.
NTA at all. Sounds like your mom is entering perimenopause and she has many adjustments and surprises ahead of her.
FYI peeing after big sneezes becomes more common as we age. (Any sneezes really). I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s done it before but never where you could see it (maybe just a trickle not a full pee). I’m sure she’s embarrassed and taking it out on you. She would have preferred that you pretend it was not a big deal but the fact that you wouldn’t touch it made it clear to her it’s actually an issue that has gotten out of hand.
Not that that is a good excuse for being mad at you. I’m just giving you the old leaky person perspective.
When I leak, I don’t discuss it with anyone, I just clean it up. And I do my Kegel exercises, which help with bladder control. I won’t expect anyone to clean up for me until I can no longer get up and off the floor. In my real life I’m plenty embarrassed by it.
If your mom brings it up don’t get bogged down on whether you should have cleaned it. Sympathize that it’s embarrassing when there is leakage and ask her if she’s explored medical options. I don’t know your age, pushing back might be hard on cleaning up but you should not have to clean up her pee.
Source: am 60, got leaky, saw doctor and working on it.