My brother “Ethan” has been engaged to “Samantha” for over five years. My partner and I are about ten years older than them, and we want to start a family soon. So when we got engaged, we picked a date that worked for us, it happens to be three months before their wedding.
When we announced our engagement, Samantha didn’t congratulate us at all. To add to the tension, prior to the engagement she once texted me a screenshot saying she didn’t even want me in her wedding. Later, when I brought it up, she lied and denied thinking it was wrong to send me.
Because of that history, I decided not to include her in my bridal party. I wanted my wedding party to be people I’m genuinely close to, not just people I felt obligated to add. When Ethan found out, he refused to be in my wedding either and kicked me out of his. Since then, he hasn’t spoken to me in ten months.
I have actually apologized more than once. I reached out to both of them to explain my reasoning and to try to clear the air, but they never responded. It feels like nothing I do will make it right unless I completely cave to their expectations.
My parents think I should “be the bigger person” and somehow fix it, but at this point, I don’t know what else I could even say. I didn’t set my date to overshadow them my fiancé and I are just at a different stage of life and wanted to move forward. And I didn’t include Samantha because 1) we aren’t close, and 2) she literally admitted she didn’t want me in hers.
Now the family is divided, and I feel stuck between being accused of ruining my brother’s wedding plans and standing by the boundaries I set.
So Reddit AITA for having my wedding before my brother’s and not including his fiancée in my bridal party, even after apologizing?
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My brother “Ethan” has been engaged to “Samantha” for over five years. My partner and I are about ten years older than them, and we want to start a family soon. So when we got engaged, we picked a date that worked for us, it happens to be three months before their wedding.
When we announced our engagement, Samantha didn’t congratulate us at all. To add to the tension, prior to the engagement she once texted me a screenshot saying she didn’t even want me in her wedding. Later, when I brought it up, she lied and denied thinking it was wrong to send me.
Because of that history, I decided not to include her in my bridal party. I wanted my wedding party to be people I’m genuinely close to, not just people I felt obligated to add. When Ethan found out, he refused to be in my wedding either and kicked me out of his. Since then, he hasn’t spoken to me in ten months.
I have actually apologized more than once. I reached out to both of them to explain my reasoning and to try to clear the air, but they never responded. It feels like nothing I do will make it right unless I completely cave to their expectations.
My parents think I should “be the bigger person” and somehow fix it, but at this point, I don’t know what else I could even say. I didn’t set my date to overshadow them my fiancé and I are just at a different stage of life and wanted to move forward. And I didn’t include Samantha because 1) we aren’t close, and 2) she literally admitted she didn’t want me in hers.
Now the family is divided, and I feel stuck between being accused of ruining my brother’s wedding plans and standing by the boundaries I set.
So Reddit AITA for having my wedding before my brother’s and not including his fiancée in my bridal party, even after apologizing?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> And now he isn’t speaking to me because they’re upset I didn’t include her and I also got married before them
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
How long have you and your fiancé been dating?
First of all, everyone should be adults. A simple message to your brother and fiance, you look forward to being a guest at their wedding if invited. And you look forward to seeing them at your wedding. As of course they are both welcome and invited.
All this wedding attendant inclusion can be dropped. It’s already sullied.
The one important thing I learned a very long time ago, is wedding drama, gets remembered forever. And I do mean decades. So don’t get drawn into anything anymore.
All of you need to grow up. What’s with this delayed maturity in people in their 20s and 30s?
It sounds like you already tried to “be the bigger person.” If they don’t forgive you (for whatever it is they think you did), it’s on them. Enjoy your wedding and move on.