I ’26F’ and ’34M’ have been together for 7yrs. Have 3 kids. M5, F3, M1. Last night he told me that he cheated 2mo ago. When I pressed for more info he swears it was a one time thing with someone he previously worked with. He refuses to tell me who the person is.
He told me last night after he complained of headache and I cuddled and prayed over him. He said he hasn’t seen that level of kindness from me in a long time and he then chose to tell me that he cheated 2mo ago. Days before our sons birthday.
Im very hurt. I’ve always been faithful and open about everything (no phone passwords, detailed info on all my plans, etc.) I’ve always given him nothing but trust and believed him when he said hes going here or doing this.
He says that he went to see her to talk about our relationship and get advice but they ended up sleeping together. I admit I havent been the nicest to him and I havnt always been in the mood when he is, often leading to him feeling rejection? I dont know how to move forward as far as convos to have. I dont have the financial means to leave him as it’d be very hard with all the kids right now
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You would have financial help. He would owe child support for each kid. It may be hard, but you would not have nothing if you’re in the US.
Never stay for that reason.
I would have a problem with him protecting her still. Why is he worried about her when it’s your life and family that should be his main priority. If you forgive him, how will you ever trust any person he works with?
I personally would leave and make my own way. You sound like you want this to work. If you’re going to, then I would start with him telling me who it was and what he can do to not be around that person anymore. Does he apply for a new job? Moving. Transfer?
What will stop him the next time.
The only positive I see is he told you. That counts for something.
Why would he go to a former co-worker to talk about his relationship with you? That makes no sense.
Your choices are to stay and have him continue to cheat on you, or leave and find someone that you can trust and who respects you.
Cheat on me once, you’re out the door.
If parts of a relationship can be made optional, then any and all parts of the might as well be non existent.
In time of trouble, he ran to someone else. Trouble phase is over, he feels like he doesn’t need the clutch anymore and confesses. This is not someone you rely on in bad times and at the age you guys are at, there will be bad times to come. It’s not a threat, it’s just life.
If you have a partner you can’t trust and depend on, you might as well not have one, at least then there are no expectations to disappoint. Plenty of people co-parent, the kids will be fine.
I wouldn’t forgive, I’d leave him and go find someone dependable and know what a commitment to someone else means.