My boyfriend used to have a stable job, and I always thought he was working long hours. Over time, I noticed he started texting me later in the mornings and his location was usually at home, not work. When I asked him about it, he said he and his coworkers were working on a project and looking for financial sponsors, so I let it go. But months went by and whenever I asked again, he would say the project was “almost starting.” Eventually, he even got a new phone and stopped sharing his location with me. It’s been nearly a year of him saying the same thing. I finally confronted him and asked why he doesn’t just get another job. He got mad and said I can’t understand because I have a fixed-salary job, and his work as a tradesman is different. I told him if that’s how he feels, why can’t he just take a steady job like mine. We ended up arguing. I don’t actually care if he works right now because I can support myself, but I feel like he’s lying to me and hiding the truth. AITA for being upset and confronting him?
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My boyfriend used to have a stable job, and I always thought he was working long hours. Over time, I noticed he started texting me later in the mornings and his location was usually at home, not work. When I asked him about it, he said he and his coworkers were working on a project and looking for financial sponsors, so I let it go. But months went by and whenever I asked again, he would say the project was “almost starting.” Eventually, he even got a new phone and stopped sharing his location with me. It’s been nearly a year of him saying the same thing. I finally confronted him and asked why he doesn’t just get another job. He got mad and said I can’t understand because I have a fixed-salary job, and his work as a tradesman is different. I told him if that’s how he feels, why can’t he just take a steady job like mine. We ended up arguing. I don’t actually care if he works right now because I can support myself, but I feel like he’s lying to me and hiding the truth. AITA for being upset and confronting him?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 I confronted my bf about him being joblesss
2 he said his workplace was looking for sponsors and I didn’t know anything about his job to make comments about it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. He put effort into lying to you for almost a year. Ofc you’re upset.
NTA. Your boyfriend IS “lying and hiding” the truth from you. Doesn’t sound like a very good basis for a relationship. Beware. You do deserve honesty and should insist on it. There’s no good future with someone you can’t trust to be open and honest with you.
Nta
He lied…to your face…for months. Why on earth are you still with someone who treats you that way?
He didn’t come clean until confronted and then tried to make you the ah for expecting honesty? Uh, no.
You are nta, but you will be to yourself if you stay with him.
Youre not wrong for being upset the real issue here isn’t that he’s unemployed, it’s that he’s been dishonest with you for almost a year. Relationships need trust and communication, and hiding something this big erodes that. It’s reasonable to expect honesty, even if the truth is uncomfortable, and you had every right to confront him about it.
NTA Look, I get that he might feel embarrassed or have some sort of reason why he didn’t want to tell you (maybe fear of judgment) whether that worry is valid or not, but that doesn’t mean lying is okay. If he’s willing to lie about this over an extended period of time, then what else is he going to lie about? Trust is essential in a relationship.
You’re not the asshole. The issue isn’t him being jobless, it’s him lying for a year and dodging your questions. If he can’t be honest about something this big, that’s a way bigger red flag than not having a paycheck.
Sleep with his dad, that will make it even
NTA. You mean you ex boyfriend. Right?
NTA. But why is he still a bf? He lies. Constantly. What else is he lying about? Can you ever trust him again? What else is he lying about?
Move on your boyfriend is not honest.
NTA. This is very concerning behavior and indicates that your relationship is not based on the more open and honest expectations you appear to have. He did not share this information with you until confronted.
This is potentially part of a larger pattern of non-disclosure, if he doesn’t share with you does it mean it doesn’t happen (unless you find out)? His behavior will not change and this is the perfect exit from a dishonest and dysfunctional relationship.
NTA. How can you possibly trust him anymore now that you know he lies?
NTA – it looks like you didn’t get mad at him for not having a job, you got mad at him for lying to you about it for a FUCKING YEAR.
Honestly, cut your losses and dump him. He’s shown you that he will lie to you for long stretches of time, which is a massive red flag. Someone like that isn’t long-term relationship material.