TL;DR My partner and I have been together for a few months, but a couple of weeks ago, we broke up for several reasons—one of them being his repeated lying about looking at other women on Twitter. I had voiced my feelings about this multiple times, but he kept doing it anyway. This time, it led to us actually breaking up.
Eventually, we reconciled and agreed on a compromise: watching adult content on sites like Pornhub was fine, but looking at half-naked or naked women on social media—where he could easily interact with them—was not. He assured me that he was okay with this and even promised to stop using Twitter altogether.
For weeks, he has repeatedly reassured me that he wasn’t on Twitter, but today I found out he’s been lying about it the entire time. At this point, it’s not even about the women anymore—it’s about the constant dishonesty. I would have much preferred if he had just told me the truth instead of continuously lying to my face. It really hurts to know that someone I love can look me in the eye and lie to me for months.
Now, I’m struggling with how to bring it up. Despite everything, I still love him deeply and don’t want to lose him, but no matter what, I’m the one left feeling hurt. I just need some advice on how to handle this situation.
Comments
Constant dishonesty is a dealbreaker and the deal should be broken.
Why couldn’t he just say – I’m gonna look at bikini girls and I’m gonna like their pics and if you don’t like that, you have a choice to make? Because he wants to have his cake (a real life girlfriend) and to eat it too (the internet girl collecting that his irl girlfriend finds distasteful). You’ll end up a paranoid husk of a person the longer you put up with this.
You don’t “love him deeply,” you’ve been dating a few months and have already broken up at least once in that time. This isn’t going to be as hard as it sounds.
If you stay with somebody who lies to you a bunch, all it does is show them that there are no real consequences for lying to you, so it just keeps happening. The way this gets fixed is that you break up for good and find somebody who doesn’t break your trust.
Your ex-boyfriend keeps lying to you. Ex.
Because he has shown you that even after a conversation and agreeing to something…he’s going to ignore the agreement, do whatever he wants, and then lie to you about it.
> It really hurts to know that someone I love can look me in the eye and lie to me for months.
You may love him, but he doesn’t love you.
> Despite everything, I still love him deeply and don’t want to lose him
“Despite the cancer, I still love smoking deeply, and I don’t want to quit”.
It’s entirely possible to love someone with all of your heart and for them to be an absolute cancer in your life.
It’s time to adult up and realize that you cannot build a positive future with someone who:
Does not love you,
Does not have enough personal integrity to keep his word, and
Is perfectly willing to lie to your face about it.
This is not your guy.
This will never be your guy.
And the longer you stick with him, the longer you guarantee that you cannot meet a guy who would be worth your time.
Never stay in a relationship with somebody hoping they will change. He is never going to change. If you don’t like being lied to, then this is not the right person for you.