Okay so I’ll start with some backstory.
The girl I’m talking to (f 24) is my former boss.
She started training me and I was transferred to a diff store. We stayed in touch and realized we had a natural chemistry. Things started to develope, but then she got a job offer in Portland oregon (we are both from Florida.)
We both had been talking to other people (nothing serious), but then about one month ago she wanted to have a talk with me and divulged that she had serious feelings for me and wanted me to fly out to Portland to see her. I told her it would only make sense if we both cut things off with the people we were currently seeing. She agreed.
She had moved to a studio apartment and was working her current job and got another one to make ends meet, but was stressed over bills. She joked about me booking a one way ticket and living with her. I told her multiple times this was a bad idea as we were so new. I countered by saying I could come up for a 4 day trial period and if it went well, I could could up for a long weekend twice a month until we got to know each other well enough and at that point I would then start looking for my own place up there. She agreed but as the flight day approached she kept pressuring me to move my flight up and stay longer. After a while I accepted.
She began daydreaming about buying a dog with me. I was comfy with this until she had told me that she had bought one…. And wanted my help naming it. At this point I had known her maybe 90 days. Anywwwwaayysss I moved the flight up and was now to be there for 3 weeks.
She lamented the fact that I had to go home. The first week went amazing, but things started to sour, when I got a text from the girl I had cut off. It was literally just a Spotify link and I had offered to show her the messages. Anywayssssss she told me she was going to her friends house to blow off steam, told me I can use her I pad to watch Hulu and so I did.
I see texts come through from her old fling
“Side doors open”I remained calm
Until I see nasty texts coming through from her friends.
She was calling me ugly and useles and claimed I trappped her in her by not explaining my flight was so far out (despite her insisting I stay LONGER) and that I was financially. Taking advantage of her due to the fact I declined to pay for half of the dog ( which she sold for rent money 4 days in despite me offering to give her the 600 she needed for rent)
he money I was gonna give her for rent. I’m now stuck in Portland until I get paid to change my flight
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Okay so I’ll start with some backstory.
The girl I’m talking to (f 24) is my former boss.
She started training me and I was transferred to a diff store. We stayed in touch and realized we had a natural chemistry. Things started to develope, but then she got a job offer in Portland oregon (we are both from Florida.)
We both had been talking to other people (nothing serious), but then about one month ago she wanted to have a talk with me and divulged that she had serious feelings for me and wanted me to fly out to Portland to see her. I told her it would only make sense if we both cut things off with the people we were currently seeing. She agreed.
She had moved to a studio apartment and was working her current job and got another one to make ends meet, but was stressed over bills. She joked about me booking a one way ticket and living with her. I told her multiple times this was a bad idea as we were so new. I countered by saying I could come up for a 4 day trial period and if it went well, I could could up for a long weekend twice a month until we got to know each other well enough and at that point I would then start looking for my own place up there. She agreed but as the flight day approached she kept pressuring me to move my flight up and stay longer. After a while I accepted.
She began daydreaming about buying a dog with me. I was comfy with this until she had told me that she had bought one…. And wanted my help naming it. At this point I had known her maybe 90 days. Anywwwwaayysss I moved the flight up and was now to be there for 3 weeks.
She lamented the fact that I had to go home. The first week went amazing, but things started to sour, when I got a text from the girl I had cut off. It was literally just a Spotify link and I had offered to show her the messages. Anywayssssss she told me she was going to her friends house to blow off steam, told me I can use her I pad to watch Hulu and so I did.
I see texts come through from her old fling
“Side doors open”I remained calm
Until I see nasty texts coming through from her friends.
She was calling me ugly and useles and claimed I trappped her in her by not explaining my flight was so far out (despite her insisting I stay LONGER) and that I was financially. Taking advantage of her due to the fact I declined to pay for half of the dog ( which she sold for rent money 4 days in despite me offering to give her the 600 she needed for rent)
he money I was gonna give her for rent. I’m now stuck in Portland until I get paid to change my flight
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I received a text from an ex, and I guess she was allowed to continue talking to hers despite me having to cut mine off. I confronted her and for that reason I guess I’m the asshole
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
She pushed things way too fast, then turned around and blamed you when it didn’t work out. Pressuring you to extend your stay, buying a dog without real discussion, and then badmouthing you behind your back all show she wasn’t serious about building something stable. Being left stranded is completely unfair, and you deserve better than someone who plays games like that.
NTA – she sold her dog? What a monster
i can think of a lot of worse places to be stuck in than Portland
but calk this up as a learning experance and next time have an exit plan so ur not “stuck”
NTA
Long distance relationships rarely work out anyway. Just dip out and date in your area, you’ll save a lot of money on plane tickets!
NTA but holy shit you missed every red flag on the way to the red flag circus. I’m glad you realize it now fam but avoid her as much as possible and then block her on everything as soon as you leave her place.
ESH the people you were with deserved better
NTA
But bro. The red flags are presenting thick and fast.
Take the warnings and cut your losses.
Dude… You need to reevaluate your decision making skills. This was clearly a terrible idea from the start. There is no way flying all the way across the country to stay with a girl you’ve known for less than 3 months is a good idea, especially while she’s talking about you moving in together. What are you doing?
ESH because she’s clearly unbalanced. So unbalanced that you should have noticed immediately, which is why I do think you’re a bit of an asshole here. You must have willingly looked past these obvious red flags to get your dick wet.
Edit: Forgot to mention that since you don’t have enough money to change your flight, then you don’t have enough money to be flying in the first place. Bad decision making from start to finish.
NTA. Stay safe brother. I hear Portland is a war-torn wasteland. I hope you have access to a bomb shelter at least. I’ll be praying the National guard rescues you.
This was a huge wake up call, and you dodged a bullet. Beware people who are “amazing” at the start of a relationship ship. Like here, it’s often a cover for mental health issues. It might just be severe insecurity, but her need to attach so deeply so quickly is a red flag galore. It could be worse than that. People love crazy until crazy loves them back.
Dude…. Just run. She doesn’t sound like a good match.
ESH.
Unless you’re like 18 and she’s preying on younger folks, she was showing you all the red flags of being an emotionally unstable person before you ever got on the plane.
Go to therapy and figure out what about you made you ignore all those red flags.
A person who is 24yo is a woman, not a girl.
This post is an incomprehensible mess. Proofread, please.
The explanation as to why you may be TA makes no sense.
NTA, but your basic judgement is questionable lol.
Why do lesbians so frequently seem to move so fast in relationships? This is poor decision making. ESH because everyone needs to chill out