I live with my gf and one thing I’ve noticed recently is that she’ll be sat on her phone scrolling social media and watching videos but as soon as I start to do something she’ll say “oh I was going to see if you wanted to do …”.
I pointed out to her she’s been sat on her phone for ages yet waited until I was busy before deciding do something together. She says she doesn’t see the issue but I just said if she wants us to do something together then suggest it when she actually wants to do it, not when I conveniently start to do anything else,
She’ll do the same if I make a suggestion for us to do something, she’ll immediately say she was going to suggest we do something else.
She said I’m starting an argument over nothing but I just said she’s more than happy to sit and mindlessly scroll social media all night until I dare do something on my own then she expects me to stop that to do what she wants,
She’ll said she doesn’t see an issue but I just told her to stop waiting for me to be busy before deciding she actually wants us to do something together.
AITAH for telling my girlfriend to stop waiting until I’m busy to suggest we do something together?
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I live with my gf and one thing I’ve noticed recently is that she’ll be sat on her phone scrolling social media and watching videos but as soon as I start to do something she’ll say “oh I was going to see if you wanted to do …”.
I pointed out to her she’s been sat on her phone for ages yet waited until I was busy before deciding do something together. She says she doesn’t see the issue but I just said if she wants us to do something together then suggest it when she actually wants to do it, not when I conveniently start to do anything else,
She’ll do the same if I make a suggestion for us to do something, she’ll immediately say she was going to suggest we do something else.
She said I’m starting an argument over nothing but I just said she’s more than happy to sit and mindlessly scroll social media all night until I dare do something on my own then she expects me to stop that to do what she wants,
She’ll said she doesn’t see an issue but I just told her to stop waiting for me to be busy before deciding she actually wants us to do something together.
AITAH for telling my girlfriend to stop waiting until I’m busy to suggest we do something together?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Got annoyed at my partner for waiting until I was busy before suggesting plans. She said it’s no big deal and that I’m overreacting and starting an argument over nothing
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, that sounds pretty annoying
NTA. This sounds like a version of the same phenomena that causes children to be able to function on thier own right to the moment that their parents are on the phone, at which point they have to have their parent’s attention right that second. Your attention is only vital once it is engaged on something that isn’t her. Her behaviour is childish and unreasonable and practically calculated to cause conflict. The worst thing you can do here is to agree to what ever she is interrupting you to suggest.
NTA- her behavior is odd and selfish
That’s some grade-A controlling behavior on the GF’s part, OP. You are NTA. Best case, she isn’t really aware she’s doing it. She needs to do some introspection and maybe get some therapy. Worst case – this is some kind of power game on her part – and you would be better off without her.
NTA – this behavior tends to get worse around the holidays so saddle up cowboy you’re in for a ride.
nta to her your just a donkey. when she does it again, [and she will], just say no to whatever she requests. be well
Damn, just realized my ex used to do this all the time. I don’t know anything about your relationship, but in my case it was one of the many signs he hated spending time with me, but didn’t want to take responsibility (if they seem relieved when you have to cancel plans etc, maybe you’re not the right match). He’d wait until I was busy, or had plans with other people, and then he could point to that instant as proof he wanted to hang out, idk, maybe I’m projecting, but some people would rather have a partner they can’t stand to be around than be lonely.. wish you the best of luck tho!
NTA but this relationship will not work out.
NTA. Call her on it every time. Don’t change plans. Just say, “Too late.”
Ugh she sounds exhausting
Ask her to do something together beforehand. Plan your evenings together before she starts doomscrolling or before you start doing whatever you want to do.
NTA. Your girlfriend sounds exhausting and I agree with another commenter I also think this could be a power move with her. Testing the waters to see what she can get away with? But yea I would just keep telling her to stop or just say “too late”
ESH.
Is her behavior annoying? Yep.
But also, you could say “hey, I was going to do X, did you want to join me or did you have something else you wanted to do?”
You could also use your words to start a plan.
This happens both ways with my partner and I. Sometimes one of us is doomscrolling, waiting for the other to be free to talk/do something, but the other one is basically doing the same. The solution is that one of us will pipe up and say “Hey, are you in the middle of something?” And then we’ll either chat to sort out plans then, or wait a few minutes and then chat.
We also started checking in with each other about the upcoming week/weekend, have a shared calendar, and check in about our days so we have a baseline.
If Ive had a rough day and just need to unplug I might say “Hey, I just need like 30m to unwind, then we can do something if you like.” Or vice versa.
You both need to use your words, or this could become a real breaking point issue.