Today I went holiday with my wife, we sat to our designated seats and in front of us there were three kids with the mother sitting on the raw parallel to them.
Two of the slightly older kids (10 to 12 y.o.) were well behaved but the youngest (8-9 y.o.)was such spoiled little monster. Shouting and screaming if he would not get what he wanted, not listening to the mother to stay quiet, or in his seat for taking off, pressing on the seat in front of him with his legs, and so on.
I was quite irritated and appalled by such bad behaviour and just looked at my wife with my eyes in disbelief since the mother tried to keep him under control.
The flight took off, he got his iPad and watched cartoons, I had my headphones on and fell asleep but as the plane landed quite far on the landing strip, we had quite a while to wait. The kid started screaming and shouting for this and that, throwing a tantrum and I just had enough, sat up a bit, looked at him and said “Yo kid, you need to shut up.” The kid stopped, said nothing and the mom said “He is just a kid.” x 2 but if you can not control your kid to the point I hear him through noise cancelling, it is a bit much.
In my opinion I did everyone a favour, even his siblings were tired of him, with his brother saying “I mean, he is not wrong, but not exactly right” which I found it a bit funny. Also the boy that I told to shut up, sat on his seat facing me and stared at me for a while in defiance, I suppose? Doubt I created a trauma or anything.
TLDR: I told a kid to shut up on a plane after he kept shouting and his mother could not bring him under control. AITA?
EDIT: We were on the plane for 20 minutes before departing, the flight was 1 hour and 20min, we waited another 20 30 minutes before getting off after landing.
EDIT 2: After reading some of the comments, my wife brought to my attention the kid is younger.In her opinion the kid is 4? I do not believe so since the kid was quite articulate in his speech, knows how to use ipad? Then again, I have no kids so I leave it up to you? Maybe deduct some years, I did not ask him personally.
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Today I went holiday with my wife, we sat to our designated seats and in front of us there were three kids with the mother sitting on the raw parallel to them.
Two of the slightly older kids (10 to 12 y.o.) were well behaved but the youngest (8-9 y.o.)was such spoiled little monster. Shouting and screaming if he would not get what he wanted, not listening to the mother to stay quiet, or in his seat for taking off, pressing on the seat in front of him with his legs, and so on.
I was quite irritated and appalled by such bad behaviour and just looked at my wife with my eyes in disbelief since the mother tried to keep him under control.
The flight took off, he got his iPad and watched cartoons, I had my headphones on and fell asleep but as the plane landed quite far on the landing strip, we had quite a while to wait. The kid started screaming and shouting for this and that, throwing a tantrum and I just had enough, sat up a bit, looked at him and said “Yo kid, you need to shut up.” The kid stopped, said nothing and the mom said “He is just a kid.” x 2 but if you can not control your kid to the point I hear him through noise cancelling, it is a bit much.
In my opinion I did everyone a favour, even his siblings were tired of him, with his brother saying “I mean, he is not wrong, but not exactly right” which I found it a bit funny. Also the boy that I told to shut up, sat on his seat facing me and stared at me for a while in defiance, I suppose? Doubt I created a trauma or anything.
TLDR: I told a kid to shut up on a plane after he kept shouting and his mother could not bring him under control. AITA?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You didn’t curse at him or lose it, you just set a boundary after hours of chaos. Planes are cramped, noisy, and stressful enough without parents letting one kid ruin it for everyone else. The mom’s “he’s just a kid” line doesn’t erase the fact that she wasn’t managing him. Honestly, you probably gave that whole row a moment of peace.
NTA I have 5 kids and if my child behaved that way I would say the same thing to my own child but worse lol. You were much nicer than he probably deserved.
Im not sure Y T A but it probably would have gone over better if you told the kids mom to control her kid (or some variation of) rather than “trying to parent my baby”
That will make you appear to be tah in the mothers eyes, even if what you did was justified imo
NTA but in the future its probably better to approach parents rather then kids, and if they still won’t control their brats, involve someone else (in this case a flight attendant) to force the mother to control her kid or get removed from the plane
You don’t have that power but the flight attendant does, and so does security
NTA – sometimes a kid needs to hear it from someone who’s not family. They are used to putting up with him at home and he’s used to acting that way with them.
I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t do this same behaviour in school, why should a public place be any different?
Let’s see, just because a kid is “just a kid” at that age doesn’t mean that others have to pay for how rude he is. It’s not that you told him to stop believing that Santa will bring him presents, it’s that he was annoying even through noise-cancelling. And it’s also not that you slapped him or threatened him, but that you told him to shut up. A rude child like that will sooner or later run into someone who will set limits for him in a much harsher way. I feel sorry for him because he is the result of his parents’ incompetence, although there are children who come difficult as standard and we do not know how much of a struggle it is for the mother to educate them correctly.
NTA.
NTA, you didn’t threaten the kid or say anything out of place. If it were my sibling I would have already told them to shut the fuck up
I’m going against everyone here. YTA. It’s not your kid. If you have an issue with a kid, get the airline stewards & have them help the mom.
YTA…
But sometimes it is called for. I feel bad for the mother, but it sounds like there was no malice intended, so I feel averting a potentially worse reaction from another passenger was well worth a brief, unpleasant snap of reality across his little ego.
NTA lmao you told the truth
NTA – and I also disagree with saying you should have said something to the mother. If she was already trying, it wouldnt have helped to tell her anything.
Sometimes kids need harsh lessons from adults who aren’t their parents. Honestly, the kid will probably remember that forever, and it will probably be a great service to him…
8 is old enough to learn that not everyone will find him charming.
NTA
NTA. It takes a village sometimes, and the village spoke up. It’s good for kids to realize their actions have consequences that their parents can’t control.
I think the tone makes the difference here. As long as you said it in a fairly chill tone, NTA. If you said it nastily, YTA.
Note that you called the kid “spoiled,” but you don’t actually know what was going on with him. There are a lot of possible explanations for the described behavior. It absolutely sucks ass to be near a kid behaving that way, but try to suspend judgment.
Hahaha honestly, NTA but her response is probably why they’re entitled. The other siblings probably said “thank God!” And the mom should’ve said, “you could’ve said ‘be quiet’ but he isn’t wrong” haha
NTA. If you can’t parent your kid, someone else will step in and do it for you and you don’t get to be picky about how it’s done. This wasn’t a 3 year old who missed a nap. 8 is old enough to know exactly what he’s doing. He chose to be quiet when a stranger said it, which means it’s an actual choice. I’m surprised a flight attendant didn’t step in.
YTA. You told a child “shut up”. That’s so inappropriate and there were far better ways to deal with it.
You didn’t know his actual age, you estimated based on what you thought, and I’m guessing someone who thinks it’s ok to directly tell a kid “shut up” doesn’t have a lot of experience with kids.
And most importantly- you didn’t know what that kid’s deal was. You don’t know if he’s got autism or a developmental delay or disorder, or if they just flew out for a family funeral and everyone’s stressed AF.
You were rude. Maybe it made yourself feel better, but I guarantee you that it made the people around you uncomfortable and they thought you were a dick.
Let me get this straight, you aggressively yelled because you couldn’t emotionally regulate, at a child that was having difficulty emotionally regulating.
It seems to me that you’re arguing for your right to behave like a child, while demanding that children stop acting like children.
Yes, YTA.
YTA, you don’t know anything conditions that kid has. I don’t mean autism, but inner ear conditions make flying hard, claustrophobia is a thing in children, he was fine to the point you slept and the mom was dealing with him.
Children are incapable of processing the way adults are. So yeah the kid was loud at take off and landing, so what? You were literally getting away from him, but decided you needed to reprimand an unknown kid to what? Make yourself feel better?
All you had to do was walk away.
Instead you made a scene.
The mom was by herself with THREE kids and you decided “let me attack this family of 4 instead of being an adult”. Now all 4 of them have this in their heads. The moms going to worried about it happening again and scared of stranger coming up to them and possibly being worse. If you’re a man this is even bigger YTA because you by virtue of being a man are a threat to a lone woman with three children.
Also unless you’ve got military grade headphones, they’ll never be 100% noise canceling, so get over that. Sound happens, kids exist. If you dont like the possibility of it happening then control your environment, dont try to control other people.
YTA. Like others said, it’s not your kid and not your business. If you can’t stand some situations that might happen around kids, don’t use public transport. Maybe it was that kids’ first flight and he was overwhelmed by emotions, wanted some attention etc., but what he got was his parents shoved an iPad in front of him so that he shut up.
When you landed he was probably excited that the journey’s finished. Kids see world differently than adults do.
So yeah. YTA. If you really wanted to help that “poor” parents, instead of telling the kid to shut up you could’ve engaged with him some other way.
YTA
YTA. You’re an adult. You’re asking the kid to have more patience and behave better. You should expect the same from yourself. You also shouldn’t be telling a kid to “shut up”. I feel bad for your wife! I would be so embarrassed if my partner did that.
NTA. I am a mother of 5-four of them sons. I did not let them misbehave in public. It just took a look to get them back in line. However, that is my generation. My daughter had a hard time with her two. They are much better now at 9 &7. I think you gave that mom a hand and she should be grateful.
NTA…but delivery could have been better. “Hey sport, on airplanes we sit quietly and still so the pilot and flight crew can do their jobs safely”. Ever see a good educator in action? Kids can handle a stern correction.
ESH. You couldn’t keep your cool for 30 mins more?
YTA. Use nice words first. Try “Excuse me. Please keep your voice down,” in a stern voice. Try something like that twice before yelling at a child to “shut up.”
NTA. Kid was old enough to know better
Shut up is a rude thing to say to a stranger.
I am a special education teacher and a parent of 2 teen boys. NTA. This is a great age for him to find out the world won’t put up with his tantrums. His family clearly does, but the world isn’t going to bend around him.
The kid was not listening to his mother and had already been screaming for long enough, so I would’ve said go for it. Tell him to knock it off. NTA.
I eould have said .. …
Hey kid, can you keep your voice down. The captain can hear you and he’s got an important job and he needs to concentrate. He can’t do that with all the noise you’re making!!!
NTA
Most people will have some sympathy for an infant screaming on a plane but this child was quite capable of self-control and was being a junior A H. The proof of this was the way he immediately respected your command while completely ignoring his mother’s. He chose to be wilfully annoying to all around him, and then chose to obey you. There was nothing preventing him from behaving better.
The mother ought to have dealt with it, of course. I’m sure she’s worn out with this child, so different from the other two, but she should have changed seats to sit next to him and control him. Failing to do so makes her as much as A H as her son.
You weren’t being punitive, just an unexpected voice of authority. And the relief to everyone around must have been immense.
NTA. You only did what everyone else wanted to do. Don’t parent your kids, someone else will give them a reality check. Don’t like it, firm up and mean business with your kids. Sooooo NTA.
Very slightly TA for the word choice, but def NTA for speaking up when the mom couldn’t control him. I would have replaced “shut up” with “chill out” or “knock it off.”
Absolutely not the asshole. I agree that you did everyone a favor.
maybe “yo kid, chill” would of gone over a little better. I don’t know how I would feel about someone telling my kid to shut up but I would never let my kid act up on a plane either.
NTA someone needs to teach the kid that behavior is not acceptable in public
NTA
NTA. Surprised you lasted that long.
I was once in a waiting room and a kid kept kicking my seat. He got all of 5 minutes before I gave him that “teacher look,” and firmly and calmly told him to stop. He recognized authority.
YTA, but sometimes the best thing you can be is an AH
YTA. There’s other ways to say this than shut up and the mom was already overwhelmed. You don’t know if that kid has ADHD, autism, anxious over flying etc. Very poor choice of words, try helping the mom out or distracting the kid next time.
The mother should have moved the older kid to her seat so she could play interference with nuisance kid. He was clearly looking for attention from her and escalated his behaviour to get it.
While not ideal to tell someone else’s kid to STFU, her reaction “he’s just a kid” 🙄seems a bit checked out from the situation and the disruption he was creating.
Flight attendants should’ve intervened, the mother should’ve intervened, maybe he needed some Dramamine 🤷🏼♀️, but if I had been on that flight, I would’ve given you a standing ovation. 👏
NTA. I feel like all these people saying you are more than likely have unruly children of their own. You did what 99% of the people on the plane wanted to do.
His mother should hav smiled and winked at you.
Nah youre fine
You can’t tell the difference between a 4 year old and a 9 year old?
Yeah. You’re a grown man and reduced yourself to the same level of a child because you were annoyed by a child who is still learning to regulate their emotions. So congrats, YATA
You can’t tell the difference between an 8-9 year old and a 4 year old? Are you…okay?
Yeah you’re TA but I don’t blame you however you’re not entitled to a child free world.
YTA for telling a child to shut up. I have 2 children. They haven’t always been angels, but they certainly know I will not tolerate certain behavior. You’re going to run into bratty, loud kids sometimes. It can be especially frustrating while traveling. What you should not do is tell a child – especially one that isn’t yours – to shut up.
So OP cannot tell the difference between a kid who is 8 or 9 and one who is 4?! They may not be the most reliable narrator.
I think everyone here is shitty. Just due to how little time was really left, you could have just said fuck it and not said anything.
I’d have understood more if it were a long flight and he won’t stfu.
The mom wasn’t stopping him so you did, I just think with such little time left you could have been the bigger person.
No one writes a story the way that this is written.
It is ironic that you would cite articulation as a sign of age whereas your own writing is stilted.
ETA: If this is real, YTA. The fact that your wife pointed out the child’s lowered age probably means she thinks YTA.
NTA. People who refuse to actually parent their brats are the worst. The rest of the plane would have been thanking you
NTA
NTA. That mother, however ….
The brother is right.
You did exactly the right thing OP. If you did not get an ovation from everybody on the plane, you should have.
ESH. My nephew is 3, and can use an iPad without any issues. He also has an amazing vocab. Kid was being obnoxious yes, but that’s kids in general. I would’ve said something to the parent first before the kid.
ESH.
The mom should have sat next to him and had the older kid take the seat on the other row and dealt with her kid during the flight.
You shouldn’t have told him to shut up. In the future, especially if a kid is special needs, engaging with them in a less confrontational manner can work, “hey will you please stop screaming? It’s really overwhelming” usually that is enough to quiet a kid up. If he wouldn’t listen, you coild then tell the flight attendant or tell the mom to figure it out.
NTA, control your fucking kids and teach them manners.
Also teach them how to use hand phones while you’re at it. No one wants to hear your shitty YouTube videos at max volume.
YTA
Listening to an adult make lose his temper is worse that a kid fussing.
The kid will learn to move from being an annoying kid to being ann annoying adult by watching people like you.
You clearly have no idea what’s happening generally if you can’t tell the difference between 4 and 9.
Shut up isn’t appropriate ever way to speak to others
You probably congratulated yourself but everyone thought you were an ah (or embarrassing yourself).
Nta. We need more people like you
NTA I was on a bus once longer trip and this kid was an utter nightmare. After an hour I told the mom either she told him to shut up or I would. She looked stunned tried it her way and failed which to me says he’s got no fear or respect for her as a parent but you know kids fear strangers so me telling him to shut up did the trick nicely and I got a lot of thanks from everyone else on the bus. After a while he tried again and someone else took over. As my mom has always said if you don’t parent your kids others will but not with kid gloves.
YTA. You have zero idea if that kid, that you can’t even tell if they were 4 or 9 🙄, was neurodivergent. Things aren’t as black and white as you are making them out to be. Parents can’t just tell a kid to be quiet, especially a kid who might be autistic, have adhd or sensory processing issues, and expect them to instantly comply. That’s not how that works. The kid isn’t a dog. Traveling can be extremely stressful for kids with differences and from the sounds of it, this kid sounds neurodivergent and the mother wasn’t ignoring the child or being rude. You were out of line. You only had to deal with the noise and disruption for a short period of time on a very short flight. Control your anger and learn some impulse control. If you were my partner I would have been so embarrassed and apologized on your behalf and then enjoyed the rest of my vacation solo.
Can you look at the times you gave us, 20 minutes here, 1 hour and 20 minute flight there, and compare your impatient and irritated behavior with the child’s? He was so quiet on the flight that you fell asleep. I was not there. I do not know what behavior issues the child has, but neither you nor he could last through a 20-minute delay. You placed yourself on the age level of this child and his siblings. You were not the adult in the room. This is a tough problem, because you all are trapped in the air with each other, and the flight attendants have to maintain order. Where were the flight attendants during this? Did you try calling one over, and quietly asking for assistance for the overwhelmed mother? Did you try keeping your headphones on and closing your eyes? What are you like on five-hour flights, with two hour delays? YWBTA if you didn’t gain some insight and self-awareness.
NTA. Never too young to learn respect for others.
YTA. You didn’t need to say “shut up.” You could’ve said basically anything else, sans cursing.
I was on a plane yesterday with a bratty kid fighting with his brother and not once did the parents tell the kid that he is actually part of a society and that an entire plane load of people do not need to hear him. You are not really that special kid.
Children who are never told no or never suffer consequences from not getting their way because they always DO GET THEIR WAY need a grown up to speak the ugly truth. If he had issues like severe autism, I’m sure the mom would have apologized and warned surrounding people in advance and hope for kind responses like a mother does at our church.
I’m sorry his poor mom was embarrassed and/or offended but nothing SHE did was working. Maybe the Big Mouth Child responded to OP with a defiant glare but he did SHUT UP.
Let’s be honest. Being nice and asking politely wasn’t working for this mom traveling with three kids. No one else bothered to be the Village. You stepped up. School teachers thank you. His classmates thank you. Principals thank you. Victims of the Airline Seat Kickers thank you. Neighbors thank you.
YTA. His mother wasn’t ignoring his bad behavior, you have no idea why they are traveling. Did they lose their dad and are having to move another part of the country, or maybe dad left them. Or maybe they are going through a rough time at school. You could have had a nice word for the mother but instead you showed that adults are also AH and will lose their temper on a random kid. That’s not behaving by example. You could have said something like, buddy, don’t you think you should listen to your mom and not give her such a hard time? Your mom needs you to have patience and calm down. Yes, it’s extremely rude to disrespect a child, and makes you trashy and tells the kid it’s ok to act out when frustrated and not have discipline
Next time don’t say shut up. He probably liked it since he stared at you… as in he likes being in power and he conquered you in his head. Next time flip it on the kid. Something like, are you ok? (most will shut up in shame) or do you need help?.. bc you’re acting like you do. When ppl do xyz that means they need something. What can I help you with. Or wild out and say something like did you see that monster too. The one that eats loud boys. We’re all being quiet bc [insert your own terror].
YTA. you have absolutely 0 right to try and parent someone else’s kid, kids act out sometimes and you said yourself the mother was trying to handle it. There is no reason whatsoever to tell someone else’s child to shut up. I wouldn’t even tell my own kid that. If you can’t deal with a child being a child for an hour and 20 mins, maybe pay for first class.
4-year-olds are pretty articulate and definitely know how to use an i pad YTA
I’m not going to even explain myself. NTA.
I’ve always been pro discipline-by-stranger. Nothing traumatic but like what you did will stop a kid and might make them realize a thing or two. I remember a relative grabbing a stranger kid by the arm who was sprinting the aisle at a restaurant and quietly growling something like ‘quit running and settle down’ and the kid about shit himself. Knowing some random could step out and discipline you probably sets some things into perspective
Yta. He could have adhd/autism/odd. You just taught him a new word. At least the mom was trying and not ignoring the behavior. If you ever have kids, this moment is going to come back and bite you. I promise.
YTA. Yelling at a stranger (no matter the age) is never an appropriate action. You clearly lack self control and empathy.
NTA. You’re a hero. Lots of bad parents projecting their inability to control their bratty children in these comments.
YTA. You don’t know this family. Even if the kid was a “spoiled little monster,” as you’ve decided, this is inappropriate for an unfamiliar adult to say to a child. You could have approached the parent(s) or waited it out.
I know a two year old who can work an ipad better than i ever will.
That doesn’t matter.
Sometimes people need a voice from OUTSIDE the family bubble to point out their flaws.
Regardless of their age.
I myself was almost 35 before someone outside the family bubble made me see one of my persistent flaws. Until then, I’d looked on it as family bullshit whenever the flaw was pointed out.
You may have done the kid – and his mother – a favour.
I certainly don’t think you were at fault. You spoke up. And you left it at that. You treated them like a people. If the little [asdaf] can buckle his seatbelt by himself, he can take criticism. That’s my motto.
The fact that the older kids were well behaved speaks a lot. As does the fact that you said mom was intervening. This could have been a neurodivergent 4 year old. He was overwhelmed and having a meltdown. A little compassion could have gone a long way. Like offering a snack or showing a magic trick or even just asking mom if there was anything you could do to help.
YTA but only for the way you worded it. Luckily it worked out this time but at least try to be polite first? Especially since this could be quite a young child. (Them being able to use an ipad really isn’t an argument for them being 8 years old. Many kids are practically raised with them nowadays.)
YTA. there is frankly no time it is reasonable to say shut up to a child as the adult but certainly not a four year old.
Are you sure he wasn’t crying due to ear pain at landing?
NTA. Parents need to learn how to control their kids to behave in a public setting.
You should have addressed the mother.
NTA. Not enough kids are being told “no” or “stop it” these days. Thank you for your contribution.
Nta
NTA. The mum on the other hand, AH.
NTA. It sounds like you just told him firmly to shut up, which isn’t traumatising him or causing a scene.
Three year olds can be quite articulate and able to use an iPad, so can some two year olds.
You could have said something to the child without resorting to such crude language.
Losing your temper puts you on a level field with the misbehaving child.
NTA.