My son (11) got to go to his first professional football game with myself and his grandfather. The game was several hours away, so we made a weekend of it, and got back just in time to shower, etc to go to bed because school tomorrow.
My wife of five years had the idea for us to go this weekend, and I organized everything from there with my dad.
Well, I get home, unpack etc and she’s just sitting quiet in our bedroom. For context, she did some house projects and cleaning over the weekend which I really appreciated and think are amazing. When I was telling her that on the way home she started huffing about me being messy (I’m not really messy, just not her level of clean) and saying I’m ungrateful for what she did. She then went radio silent.
So I ask her if she’s going to talk to me at all since she barely said hi. She then tells me her feelings are hurt that I didn’t have my son come and tell her thank you for the weekend. I said oh I’m sorry, I was focused on him getting to bed but he does know it was originally your idea. She starts in on how it would have taken three seconds for him to do it, etc.
She keeps harping on him (and by extension, me) about not being grateful to her. I had already told her thank you earlier in the day.
AITA for not making my son thank his step mother first thing when we got home?
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My son (11) got to go to his first professional football game with myself and his grandfather. The game was several hours away, so we made a weekend of it, and got back just in time to shower, etc to go to bed because school tomorrow.
My wife of five years had the idea for us to go this weekend, and I organized everything from there with my dad.
Well, I get home, unpack etc and she’s just sitting quiet in our bedroom. For context, she did some house projects and cleaning over the weekend which I really appreciated and think are amazing. When I was telling her that on the way home she started huffing about me being messy (I’m not really messy, just not her level of clean) and saying I’m ungrateful for what she did. She then went radio silent.
So I ask her if she’s going to talk to me at all since she barely said hi. She then tells me her feelings are hurt that I didn’t have my son come and tell her thank you for the weekend. I said oh I’m sorry, I was focused on him getting to bed but he does know it was originally your idea. She starts in on how it would have taken three seconds for him to do it, etc.
She keeps harping on him (and by extension, me) about not being grateful to her. I had already told her thank you earlier in the day.
AITA for not making my son thank his step mother first thing when we got home?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be an asshole because I should have made him go in and thank her and not doing so is possibly disrespectful of her and her contribution to the trip.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
She didn’t pay for the tickets? She didn’t organize the weekend?
She wasn’t owed thanks if she didn’t do anything.
NTA I think she’s mad about something else and it’s causing her to nitpick. I’m a stepmom and wouldn’t expect that just for an idea I had. She didn’t plan it from my understanding. Just had the idea which is nice but.. not that serious to be upset about. Hopefully, you can get to the bottom of the real issue.
My goodness she just can’t stand someone else having a good time without her. She’s going to sour her relationship with your son if she keeps this up.
>She keeps harping on him (and by extension, me) about not being grateful to her. I had already told her thank you earlier in the day.
Your wife is weird. Trying to create issues with and for an 11 years old CHILD where there should be none.
NTA. But your wife is something…
NTA why should he THANK her for coming up with the idea? She didn’t DO anything. She’s being petty and manipulative, and keeping score with a literal CHILD, HUGE asshole
Your wife is allowed to want recognition, but expecting an 11-year-old to immediately thank her the second he walks in late at night feels unreasonable. Gratitude is important, but forcing it in that exact moment turns it into a chore rather than something genuine. You already expressed your thanks, and you can guide your son to show appreciation in a calmer moment, but her reaction sounds more about her own need for validation than about teaching him manners.
Your wife sounds like an entitled woman. You organized the whole thing and she wants you to force your son to thank her for the idea. She’s acting like a child.
NTA- Why should your son have to thank her for you spending time with him and your dad- that’s your job as a father. Your wife is jealous you did something without her and had a good time.
I’m confused – thanked for what? Her idea? Cleaning?
He’s 11. She’s an adult. He needed to go to bed for school. He can thank her in the morning for whatever it is he needs to thank her for. She’s acting like a child.
NTA.
She came up with an idea, she didn’t do anything for it. I don’t understand why she warrants a dramatic thank you?? NTA regardless, your wife is acting like a main character.
I believe in erring on the side of being nice. You could have coached your son the following morning to tell his stepmom that the trip was such a great idea, he had a wonderful time, and thanks for thinking of him! Even if she didn’t organize or pay for the trip, she set everything in motion for the two of you!
NTA. Does the kid even know it was her idea, and that is a small thing. What is she really mad about?
She literally didn’t do anything putting the weekend together. Yes, she did house work or yard work but why would she want a thank you for that from a kid? She may have suggested it??
OP it sounds like you have a wife who is jealous of your son. Here you, organized a weekend away for him and your dad…not that excuses her childish, manipulative behavior… but have you ever done something like this for her? You both need to sit down and talk this out like the adults you are. And your son doesn’t owe her any thanks, nothing like trying to ruin a fun father son memory!!!
NTA. Your wife had the idea for you to go, and that was her whole contribution? You did everything else, plus gave her some “me time?” And in her story, she’s the hero here? Jeez.
NTA. Reading this I can’t see that she is due any thanks. She had an idea. You and your Father did all the work. You need to stand up to her and stop her harping on your son about his supposed ingratitude, every time she starts in on him you need to shut her down. If she hasn’t already succeeded in making your son hate her she is well on the way to doing so. You need to protect your child from her unacceptable attitude and behaviour. You need to make him your priority.
NTA. Sounds exhausting.
NTA. Tell you wife to grow up. Dies she expect your son to kiss her butt?
NTA
An 11 year old wouldn’t know on his own that it was important to thank his step-mom for coming up with the idea to go to the football game. Especailly late at night, etc.
Clearly she’s mad at YOU for not making this stupid little acknolwedgement happen….so could it be she feels unappreciated by you for the work she did AND the idea you all go away for the weekend and not only is she on her own (some people don’t like that…I LOVE it), but that she also did things to improve the home? I bet if you had gushed over that stuff, she wouldn’t have gotten all petty about the thank you.
INFO
Why wasn’t the thanks an issue before you all left?
>I’m not really messy, just not her level of clean
This could mean literally any level of clean, You could be a complete slob and living in denial about how messy you are. And without context we could be looking at a situation where she asked you to do a lot of the projects that she ended up doing and would be entitled to a thank you, especially if those projects were for your child. Without context, no one looks good here so ESH.
Damn she wants a hero cookie.
NTA- is your marriage strong enough that she will realize that she missed you and that her resentment is just misplaced FOMO? Or will she take it out on you and your son and make it harder for you to have a relationship that she is not running?
My stepmother ruined my relationship with my father because she was always angry with something small I had not done (not sent a card, not said thank you, not been grateful) and she instrumentalized my relationship with him because he would be sent out to “explain” what I had done “wrong.” So he was the proxy for her telling me off. It was her way of making him choose between us and it really destroyed what had been a lovely relationship because she just had to control everything around my father.
OP you already thanked her and it still wasn’t enough. You called her projects amazing and were grateful. That’s what adult spouses do.
Expecting that from an 11 year old is bananas
Please get this tyrant away from your son!!
Wait…. She’s upset he didn’t thank her for…..the idea? The IDEA????
Oh my. She sounds fun.
NTA.
NTA. She sounds like she’s jealous that you spent time with your son instead of her or something like that. Weirdly entitled
NTA Why is harping in him after you two talked about it? Did she ask him of he had a fun time or ask how it was? She’s a grown woman upset at an 11 year old. She needs to grow up.
It sounds like your wife doesn’t feel appreciated. If your spouse tells you how they feel, validate that they are sharing their experience with you and honor that. It’s not important what internet strangers say. Hear your wife.
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NTA. I don’t get it. She thinks her stepson should be grateful that she made a suggestion? I think she’s expecting more credit than is due here.
Dump that wife. NTA
NTA. The way she is acting seems over the top because she didn’t get a thank you right than and there. Is she also making the grandfather thank her or just your son? I have a 10 and 13 year old nephew who i sometimes have to remind to say thank you because they don’t always know they should say thank you for something. Maybe your son was just tired and forget or maybe he’s thinking she just had the idea and didn’t do any of the planning or anything. That the people who should be thanks are you and the grandfather for taking the time to take him. It’s a little silly to get so mad about it. I feel like even if he tells her thank you that she will still be mad about it. So, does she expects a thank you every time she thinks or do something?
She may not have done the planning, but it was a really great idea for you and you son and dad to have a special weekend like this. Both you and your son should have thanked her for thinking of you guys, it was a thoughtful suggestion, although doing so the next morning should have been okay.
She’s either very entitled or mad about something else
Must now down to the stepmother, it was only her idea, you did the rest. Poor kid., after a long weekend with Dad and Grandpa maybe he’s tired. She sure thinks alot of herself..
NTA. Why should your son thank her. “Thanks for coming up with the idea that my dad take me to a football game” it just feels icky and weird.
You’re definitely TA. You should have brought home a bronze plaque to commemorate her allowing you to be a father and bring your son to a football game. /s
Obviously NTA. You gave her tacit thanks by implementing her idea. Doing something for your shared kid isn’t supposed to be an extraordinary event. Your son owes her no thanks for simply having thought up the idea but having subsequently done nothing to actually bring it to fruition.
Nope nope nope. This is not your son’s job. He’s 11 and this was all planned what, months ago? Remembering that she thought of it is between the two of you. If your son happened to think of it on his own, thanking her would be great, but there is no reason to coach him to do that!
If you had wanted to, casually saying to him, “Remember that this was stepmom’s idea originally? It would be a good thing for both of us to thank her again for that, because we had such a great time” would have been fine. But honestly, at this point I wouldn’t even suggest it to him. She’ll respond weirdly and he’ll pick up on the tension and not know what’s wrong. I’d tell her that directly and tell her she’s asking something inappropriate of an excited, tired KID.
You wife is treating kindness/love as business that requires immediate return. She is trying to buy loves? You should pay more attention the interaction between her and your son. NTA
NTA. She sounds like a whiner.
Nta. So petty of her.
Your wife sounds like a narcissist
NTA. Your wife sounds delulu
NTA. You said yourself it was her idea, but you organised the whole thing. Is she trying to take credit from your son for your organisation??
NTA. She’s acting weird. That said, as long as she is going to accept it without snark, telling your son “if you remember, it might be nice to say you appreciate stepmom for thinking of you.” wouldn’t be a bad move.
Expect an 11 year old to be immediately grateful on arrival? She sounds insufferable.
I’m not sure what, exactly, she thinks your son has to thank her for. It doesn’t sound like she bought the tickets. Or paid for the hotel. Or had any part in the arrangements. She didn’t actually do anything. She wants a thank you for having an idea? That’s ridiculous. NTA.
Sounds like she may be your future ex-wife. She’s as emotionally stable as the 11 year old!!
You need to put a stop to this now. Sit down with your wife and have a conversation and set boundaries. This is unacceptable behavior and must stop. You can either be a father and stand up for your son or your son will live with the trauma she’s inflicting for the rest of his life. Is she a narcissist? You need to get on this fast before any more damage is done.
NTA but a teachable moment for showing some appreciation to her for doing something special for him – or at least setting it up – since if she hadn’t done that he wouldn’t have gone.
NTA. Your wife apparently has main character, pick me syndrome. She is demanding a thank you for giving you an idea. One that she didn’t arrange or pay for. There isn’t any reason why you or your son should have to thank her. She did not do anything to make it happen. A suggestion is only a suggestion. It doesn’t make anything happen. While it might be nice to say thank you for advice or suggestions for solving problems, this is not that. There’s nothing that she did that would be so significant that it warrants any gratitude from your son. You should thank her for the suggestion but he doesn’t need to.
Your wife sounds like she is feeling unappreciated. This sounds like you need to have a conversation with her about this issue and either work on being more considerate of her if you are taking advantage of her, or setting boundaries with her if she’s the one who needs to be main character and diva all the time.
NTA, sounds like she’s looking for an excuse to be mad at you and using your son as an excuse.
How much gratitude does someone need for coming up with an idea? You’re the one who actually did everything.
If I came up with a genius idea to get my partner & kids out of the house for a weekend, I wouldn’t require gratitude, a weekend alone in the house is REWARD ENOUGH.
This sounds exhausting.
NtA
Guess every kid gets a trophy phase goes all the way into adulthood.
I’d be one hella sad parent if I wanted my kid to thank me for every minute thing I did for him without him knowing.
She’s got a bone to pick but surely I hope it’s not with a kid. Maybe it’s the lack of communication and appreciation from the spouse.
Instead of using her big adult words she’s using silent treatments and blaming it on OP and the kid.
What is he supposed to thank her for? Letting y’all go to the game? Did you need permission? Did she buy the tickets? Did she even ask if y’all had a good time? Her reaction seems inappropriate unless there’s more going on here.
The kid knows it was her idea – credit where credit is due. But she didn’t organise it or pay for it. You might wish to get him to thank her for thinking of it but immediately upon getting home? No. And harping on about it? No.
NTA. She seems to have overinflated her contribution and the thanks she deserves for it.
Nta- your kid is 11… she seems like she’s doing it for the clout and acknowledgement and not genuine love. She seems childish in that regard. I can understand she’d want appreciation- I’m sure your son can and shows it in different ways or could have said something the next day. The immediate coming to her seems more like a power and ego trip for her
You’re NTA and your wife being childishly self absorbed.
She came up with an idea that got her the house to herself for the weekend and wants to be thanked when you’re the one who made it happen.
NTA
Is your wife 13? Because she’s sure acting like it. How petty and small must she be to demand this nonsense? Good lord.
Oof, it seems like your wife is the worst kind of good person. That is, she does the good to be acknowledged, not just to do the good. Ooof.