Hey, We’re a couple in a relationship since 3+ years and married a few months ago. Living in a rented 1 bhk apartment.
It’s our temporary living space and we’re planning to move soon, but for now, we have to adjust in this flat. This place is small, with a office table in the bedroom itself. The hall is not a suitable place to work.
Earlier, we both used to sleep by 11 PM. But nowadays, she’s had a natural sleep change and doesn’t feel sleepy till 1 AM. She can’t just stay on bed awake for hours, so she has decided to do her morning work at that time instead.
What morning work? Checking, replying to emails and other laptop work. But I’ve an issue. The typing sounds disturbs my sleep. During the early phase of night sleep, I need no interruption, otherwise I wake up and my sleep goes away for whole night.
I’ve asked her to at least limit the keyboard usage at that time & press the keys lightly, but after 5-10 mins, she returns to her natural way of typing, that produces noise.
I tried burying my head inside pillows, doesn’t help. It’s been 7-8 days, and it disturbs me at least half the days. I asked her to adjust, but her sleep schedule has changed and she really can’t sleep till 12:30 or 1 AM.
I work 6 days a week unlike her. She gets 2 leaves per week. I really wanted a good sleep last Saturday night, but the sound disturbed me, sleep gone and I couldn’t sleep the whole night.
I don’t have any office work to do at home, so my night time got basically wasted. I slept during the day (Sunday) which ultimately ruined my day. In the evening, we had an argument over it with me being on the angrier side. AITAAAAAAAA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
Hey, We’re a couple in a relationship since 3+ years and married a few months ago. Living in a rented 1 bhk apartment.
It’s our temporary living space and we’re planning to move soon, but for now, we have to adjust in this flat. This place is small, with a office table in the bedroom itself. The hall is not a suitable place to work.
Earlier, we both used to sleep by 11 PM. But nowadays, she’s had a natural sleep change and doesn’t feel sleepy till 1 AM. She can’t just stay on bed awake for hours, so she has decided to do her morning work at that time instead.
What morning work? Checking, replying to emails and other laptop work. But I’ve an issue. The typing sounds disturbs my sleep. During the early phase of night sleep, I need no interruption, otherwise I wake up and my sleep goes away for whole night.
I’ve asked her to at least limit the keyboard usage at that time & press the keys lightly, but after 5-10 mins, she returns to her natural way of typing, that produces noise.
I tried burying my head inside pillows, doesn’t help. It’s been 7-8 days, and it disturbs me at least half the days. I asked her to adjust, but her sleep schedule has changed and she really can’t sleep till 12:30 or 1 AM.
I work 6 days a week unlike her. She gets 2 leaves per week. I really wanted a good sleep last Saturday night, but the sound disturbed me, sleep gone and I couldn’t sleep the whole night.
I don’t have any office work to do at home, so my night time got basically wasted. I slept during the day (Sunday) which ultimately ruined my day. In the evening, we had an argument over it with me being on the angrier side. AITAAAAAAAA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Asking my wife to adjust for my sleep should be judged as it might make me asshole
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Get earplugs
why cant you wear ear plugs and she gets a silent keyboard? have you not thought past any other solution besides her not doing her work?
edit: why cant she work in the kitchen?
NTA. It’s not a studio apartment, right? So she can just do het work in the living room.
Not fair to keep you up, because she can’t sleep
NTA. Is the kitchen suitable for her to work? Can she get a silent keyboard? I haven’t used one, so I can’t say they work all that well, but maybe give it a try?
Can she do something other than work? Watch TV with headphones? Read?
YTA, just get some earplugs
NTA
What’s a 1 bhk apartment? Even so, she could at a minimum use an inexpensive tablet or phone like a normal person, with headphones or earbuds.
I have a hard time falling asleep too, so I totally understand.
Buy some nice ear plugs, they make really nice quality ones that are worth investing in if you like traveling (or so I’ve been told). I want to invest in a pair before my next back packing adventures.
Sound machine/white noise? I use this method. Took some time to find a track that works for me.
Could she work in the kitchen? Or does the apartment complex have a lobby (if you are in a safe area).
She could also try reading, or other laid back activities. Honestly it is a little wild to do work before bed.
NTA. Can she not work in the hall? It’s a laptop, it’s not like she’s stuck at her desk. It’s unfair for her to affect your sleep and potentially your work / career when she seems to have more flexibility.
NTA why has she decided that this is her new normal regardless of how much it inconveniences you? It takes work but she can fix her sleep schedule (start waking up at the time she used to without fail, to help get tired closer to when you’re going to bed). Or it’s a freaking laptop, it can be comfortably used just about anywhere else in your home.
YTA you need to get earplugs. That should be way more than sufficient to cover the sound of a keyboard. Typing is not an unreasonably loud thing and I don’t think it’s fair to police how she types without making efforts yourself to improve your own sleep.
eta: It sounds like you might benefit from a sleep specialist. Or at least light sleeping meds from your doctor. People without sleep issues should be able to fall asleep no problem in your situation. Basically you need to look into how you can fix your own sleep instead of expecting your wife to type quieter. It would be a different story if she was doing something actually loud.
NTA. This is a basic level of respect. Everybody suggesting that earplugs are the answer do not understand that the sleep window disturbance can lead to not sleeping for hours.
NTA – if she doesn’t want to sleep, she doesn’t have to go to bed. She can sit in the kitchen and type away
NTA (depending on how angry you got during the argument, so maybe a tiny bit YTA). You can get earplugs as some suggest, but I would suggest her working in the kitchen is a better option if that’s possible. Even if you have to buy a folding bar stool.
In either case, I think it’s worth having a conversation about screens in the bedroom for when you do get a new place.
NTA. As a chronic insomniac, I can relate to the fact that sometimes you can’t just lie there in the dark with your mind racing, but it’s not ok to make it someone else’s problem. It’s also not great sleep hygiene to work or play online in bed. <she said while typing in bed>
NTA but she is also NTA. You need sleep and she needs to get up.
Have you considered other ideas?
Use earplugs.
Move the table out of the bedroom!!! Why is the hall/kitchen unsuitable? Install aircon or a fan.
Couldn’t she sit in the kitchen and work on the laptop?
NTA. Sleep trumps typing away at 1 am.
NTA. I work nights so on weekends I’m awake all night watching tv or scrolling my phone or both. If my boyfriend is home and wants to sleep I will lay out on the couch and do that until I’m ready to get in bed. Why? Because I’m the one with the backwards sleep schedule not him. Yes you can get ear plugs or a quieter keyboard but I’m sure the light from the screen bothers you just as much as the noise which is totally valid. Also I’m responding to this at 2:30 in the morning from my couch and not my bed because I am once again wide awake at night lol
Buy some ear plugs!
NAH
Because it is a tough situation. But you can get earplugs easier than she can find a new place to work, stop having sleep issues or somehow mute her keyboard. But if she can get a quieter keyboard, that would at least help.
The soft foam 33NPR buds are great, especially ifbyou get a softer brand. But personally, there are several brands of inexpensive sleep specific earbuds that actually block sound well , let you listen to sleep sounds (or whatever else) and don’t hurt if you’re a sidesleeper. Mypeace, Hearprotek, Goojodoq, Hmusic hs88 are all ones that have worked for me.
Is there not another room, like living room, he could sit on the sofa or at the kitchen table.
NAH. Find another solution. Partner (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 14 years and we’ve had to merge our work/sleep spaces often. I’m on your end of things. I go to bed earlier and he’s a night owl. Like others suggested, get something to help you like ear plugs and a sleep mask (the light from the computer can be annoying too) and she can get a quieter mouse/keyboard and wear headphones. You both have to make adjustments for yourselves.
Eta
You’re married and need to learn to work together.
You can try earplugs and a sleep mask
She can try working in the kitchen – even if she needs to sit on a pillow on the floor, with a pillow in her lap to support the laptop
NTA. Ask her to get a quiet keyboard and you can get earplugs. I think the combination will work better for you both.
NTA.
Y’all suggesting earplugs need to understand that isn’t a true fix.
She is being inconsiderate. She can work in either the kitchen or the living room.
Get earplugs. NAH
NTA and her “sleep schedule has changed” is nonsense. It hasn’t changed, she changed it. She can change it back. Our bodies don’t have a settings menu with sliders and little numbers that say what time we sleep and what time we wake up. Sleep is a rhythm that follows from our habits, mindset, activities and wellbeing. If your girlfriend winds down and powers up in the appropriate ways and appropriate times, there’s nothing physically causing her to sleep at 1 instead of 11. That’s a copout.
NAH Get earplugs and a sleep mask. They make eye masks with flat bluetooth speakers inside, specifically made for the purpose of sleep. Play calm music, an audiobook, white noise, etc. There are free apps with many different sounds (wind, rain, blue noise, white noise, pink noise, fan, waves, etc.) you can sleep to.
I used to have trouble sleeping and my boyfriend had a young child that woke up at night crying through the baby monitor. I obviously couldnt ask a toddler not to cry. I tried a few different earplugs and the one I described above worked great. They make ones without the eye mask as well. It was amazing. The tv could have been on in our bedroom and I wouldnt have known- all light and sound was blocked out.