I’ve been married for 13 years and have two kids. Recently, I discovered that my wife has been engaging in inappropriate chats with her boss (specially she is talking with him in night or in my absence, also telling him that she love him), & this has happened 2nd time. It has shaken my trust, but I don’t want to tell friends or family because I fear judgment or hurting my parents, who are very emotional and were initially against my love marriage. I’m struggling with the decision of whether to try rebuilding trust or consider separation, but I want to handle it in a way that protects my kids and my own emotional well-being. I’m looking for advice or guidance from people who have dealt with similar situations.
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Don’t fear judgement from anyone. Your emotional wellbeing as well as your kids matters the most.
Talk with a therapist to gain some clarity on things. Then you take a call.
Whatever happens trust yourself that you would do what’s best for you and your kids
I would calmly ask her why she’s doing this and see what she says that she isn’t getting from you
First get pics of the text. Then get a std test. And sadly then. DNA test. Then decide what you want to do. If you want to stay with her, what would it take for you to trust her again? Will she confess everything once you confront her or downplay it? That will say a lot.
Personally I’d be ready for separation at the least. She’s having an affair with her boss. They are in love. She no longer loves or respects you. It sucks to say but that’s your current situation based on what you’ve wrote.
Control the narrative, because you know that she will.
What you do depends entirely on the outcome you wish to seek.
Gather the proof, keep it safe, meet a lawyer, learn what to expect.
Is the boss in a relationship, if so, inform them.
Once above is completed, confront your wife, remember she has fone this before and you are not the keeper of her secrets, her image is of no concern, don’t hesitate to out her.
Walk away, and she will not quit.
Ok well there’s three things you need to think about.
A) If it’s her boss he has power over her. That’s sexual harassment. You need more context to understand the dynamic. Was she pressured, threatened, etc.
B) Why did she cheat? Get professional help. Infidelity counseling. If she isn’t accountable, apologetic, and willing to submit to the professional help- it’s time to say good bye.
C) Your kids- save face until you figure out your next steps. They don’t need to know what’s going on. If you choose to leave, one day they will understand why. They don’t need to know right now, just that you love them & it’s not their fault.
Talk to your lawyer. Have papers drawn up. Have them delivered to her at work. Have another set delivered to her boss as you are suing him for the mental distress that he has caused you and your kids by interfering with your wife, marriage, and your wife’s parenting time and well being with the kids. Make sure they are delivered at the same time.
Book therapy appointments for you and the kids prior to doing this. Get digital copies of all her messages to her boss.
This has happened a 2nd time now. Do you want to experience it a 3rd time? Then stay with her. If no, then meet with a lawyer and learn what a divorce will look like.
When you hand her the divorce papers, ask her if she would be willed to see a family counselor for some time to help the kids furing the transition.
Tell her straight that marriage is built on loyalty. You have to end the marriage due to her disloyalty
Stop thinking about what everyone else will think and start thinking about what you have to do to have respect for yourself.
> (specially she is talking with him in night or in my absence, also telling him that she love him),
And what is his answer ?
You know that it can’t end well right ?
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Before making big decisions sit her down nd have an honest talk no anger just clarity. You need to know if she wants to fix this too. And since it’s a repeat issue, rebuilding trust will take more than promises
Document evidence and consult with an attorney to protect yourself and kids. Then decide what you’re going to do.
You should also talk to your attorney about your ww’s affair with her boss about reporting it to HR.
Updateme
Was trying to come up with a constructive way to establish dialogue for him because if he just gets confrontational with her then nothing good comes of it