Hello! I’ve had 2 cat ladies for 4 years now, both the same age and everything – sisters/twins? (I don’t know if animals born on the same day are twins)
Anyways, 3 years ago I started a relationship, but during these 3 years me and my partner understood that we both want something else from life than what we are giving eachother. No hard feelings, we were friends for a long time before we started dating.
The fact is – one of the cats has clear affection for her more. And she loves that cat a ton aswell.
Wise versa with other cat and me.
The issue is – I do not want to separate the cats since they have been by eachothers side.
But EX doesn’t want both cats, although I am willing to let her take them both, not so keen on separating then.
I am also OK with taking both cats in but knowing my EX she might think I am ripping the cat away from her, which is not at all what I want to do. I just always had this idea in my mind that these cats will be together.
Can you give me advice? Maybe someone understands cats better than I do. Will separation not affect them much?
Thank you.
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Hello! I’ve had 2 cat ladies for 4 years now, both the same age and everything – sisters/twins? (I don’t know if animals born on the same day are twins)
Anyways, 3 years ago I started a relationship, but during these 3 years me and my partner understood that we both want something else from life than what we are giving eachother. No hard feelings, we were friends for a long time before we started dating.
The fact is – one of the cats has clear affection for her more. And she loves that cat a ton aswell.
Wise versa with other cat and me.
The issue is – I do not want to separate the cats since they have been by eachothers side.
But EX doesn’t want both cats, although I am willing to let her take them both, not so keen on separating then.
I am also OK with taking both cats in but knowing my EX she might think I am ripping the cat away from her, which is not at all what I want to do. I just always had this idea in my mind that these cats will be together.
Can you give me advice? Maybe someone understands cats better than I do. Will separation not affect them much?
Thank you.
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> 1. I don’t want to separate cats after the breakup
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
nAH but have a clear conversation with her about this.
NTA. Bonded cats should stay together. Are they bonded or at least friends with each other? If so, it would not be fair to separate them. It’s about the wellbeing about the cats, and that should be paramount. My advice is that they should stay together and if you’re the only one who is willing to do that, then they should stay with you.
When you talk to her about it, frame it as about being what is best for the cats.
NTA but it’s not solely your decision. Have a clear convo with your ex and explain the options you’ve run through, that you’ve landed that splitting them or you taking both are the options, and tell her you’ll stand by what she decides. It may help to let her know what visitation rights she will have or help her find a new cat IF she decides for both to stay with you.
If the cats are bonded, they should definitely stay together.
I have had 2 cats before that were bonded (not sisters but had been together since they were 1) and when 1 left the other was devastated for months. It has been years now and she is a happy 20 y/o old hag but her health never fully recovered from the separation.
On the other hand I have had 2 cats live together who hated each other (younger male tormented older female) and the joy was visible when they were separated.
Also, not important but just sisters, not twins. Animals are usually only classified as twins of they are genetically twins which is much much rarer than humans
Maybe consider arranging a call with an independent 3rd party, like an animal behaviouralist or another professional, as your ex may be more willing to accept that splitting up the cats is a bad idea if it comes from someone else.
NTA
You are correct that it’s best to keep the cats together. I had similarly bonded cats and when one died (of old age) the other took a dramatic turn for the worse and died within months.
Take your soon-to-be ex to the veterinarian to talk about what’s best for the cats (since I’m assuming she doesn’t think much of your opinion right now) and hopefully they will convince her that keeping the cats together is what’s in their best interest.
If she’s unwilling to defer to an authority, fall back on the simple fact that they’re your cats and you get the final say.
NTA. DO NOT give her both cats. She’s already told you she only wants 1 so what’s not to say she takes both and gives away the other? Removing cats from each other would be sad in itself and its a fact that if you separate cats they can become depressed, experience grief, loss of appetite and just pretty much everything us humans feel. They are your cats from 4 years ago. They do not automatically become your ex’s the minute you break up. That’s not how life works.
NTA
Just to clarify what “Bonded” means. Cats are social but bonded is when the human suspects the cats rate each other first and their relationship with us second. Behavior that bonded cats do (the more you “tick off” the more bonded they are) They cuddle together, rough house, eat from the same bowl (sometimes at the same time), seek each other out for comfort, groom each other.
My bonded pair were separated by death. About 3 years later I said the deceased cat’s name and his bond mate jumped up and started looking for his friend.
So yeah, if bonded, they need to stay together.
NTA also do not give her YOUR cat – that’s YOUR cat. You had both of them before her, the cats are bonded, do not separate the cats, and tell her they are YOUR CATS.
NTA
You had the cats together before her. You and the two cats were a family already. And she wants to break up the two cats who are bonded. Do not give her any of the cats please.
The cats legally belong to you, your ex has no claim over them.
By allowing her to take any of them, you are the one that is essentially splitting them up.
The solution is to keep YOUR cats.
NTA. They are your cats. Think of it like humans. If you had two human children, then start dating someone who becomes really close with one of your kids, when you break up you wouldn’t give them your child. That is your kid, not hers.
NTA. separating bonded cats is a mistake, keeping them together would absolutely be in their best interest.
These are probably bonded pairs and should not be separated. It’s worth pushing to keep them together, whichever if you would take them. But it sounds like these were your cats. There’s no reason to give either way, least of all split them up solely for the sake of a peace offering for the breakup.
NTA but you will be if you split up your bonded pair of cats for no reason
NTA. You’re right not to separate them, after one of my cat’s sibling died, she refused to eat for weeks (she’s fine now). The decision rests with you, but if she’s not willing to take both, I’d keep both.
NTA I would keep them since they are bonded taking one and leaving the other can cause them to be depressed. They are both yours from before you were with the ex even though one has more affection for her you gotta think about the cats and what’s best for them and their health not the ex feelings.
Don’t give her either of the cats. They are your cats, you had them before the relationship started and you’ll have them long after the relationship too.
It’s nice that you’re trying to be nice to your ex during the breakup but you don’t get custody of a child after a breakup just because you dated for a few years so why should that be the case for cats? The cats will get over your ex not being around after a while. The cat’s relationship with each other and with you is more important.
If she really cared about the cat she wouldn’t want to separate her from her bff
NTA. Bonded cats are incredibly stressed when they lose each other. Your ex can get a new cat.
These are your cats, you had them before the relationship. Do not separate them, do not give them away. They are your cats.