My (30F) fiancé (33M) went out on Saturday night to the store for a couple things he needed (I.e. deodorant) around 10pm while I stayed home with our kid (2F). He told me he was making a quick run to the store and would be right back.
He borrowed my car and left and I thought nothing of it. Fast forward to midnight and he’s still not back. I sent him texts and called but he didn’t answer. At 1am I got really worried and called my mom to come help me search for him while I had my sister look after our kid.
My mom and I drove around for hours searching the parking lots of the stores, the gym and the downtown bars then I called 3 local hospitals to see if he had been admitted then called the police to see if he’d been arrested but we couldn’t find him anywhere.
At this point I’m really starting to freak out because it seems like he’s just disappeared, it’s dark out and what if he got into an accident and no one saw or has found his car yet? I keep trying to message him but still got no response.
Around 3am I end up going back home and talked it over with my mom, this is when I decide to call the police and report him as a missing person. You don’t actually have to wait 24 hours like the tv would lead you to believe.
Around 5am the cops come to the house and I tell them what’s going on, they do a search of the house just to make sure everything’s good here and as they finish searching my fiancé pulls up.
At this point I’m relieved he is safe but also annoyed that he is seemingly fine and has just ignored me for the last 7 hours.
He tells the cops that while he was buying deodorant he ran into some friends then decided to go to the bar and watch the game with them then went back to their place and hang out and he didn’t realize how late it got because his phone died so he didn’t know anyone was trying to contact him. The cops left and didn’t end up filing anything since he wasn’t missing anymore.
I don’t understand how he couldn’t send a text before he went to the bar telling me he’d be out for a while and not to wait up? Like did his phone die the instant they asked him to go to the bar? Did they not have a charger at their house he could have used to charge his phone and send me a text?
He was annoyed that I called the cops and said I was overreacting and he didn’t have to let me know his whereabouts 24/7. Which is true, but I still feel annoyed that I spent all night worrying and neither me, my mom or my sister got much sleep. I was kind of upset with him all day but mostly tired, this isn’t the first time he’s changed up his schedule to where it affected me without telling me so I should have known not to react that extreme.
I just don’t know anymore if I overacted and if I should apologize and accept the fact that I can’t control everything. So, AITA for reporting him as a missing person?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I called the cops to report my fiancé missing after he went out to the store for deodorant and disappeared for 7 hours.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and he was cheating. Do not marry this man.
NTA and I would seriously side-eye his story but also his attitude of “I don’t need to tell you my whereabouts all the time”.
He left the house on what should’ve been a 30 minute errand at the top end late at night. You had a reasonable expectation that he would be home within a certain window. Of course, you got worried — that would is an extremely fair response, especially if he made no efforts to communicate back.
NTA. How would he react if you disappeared and were unreachable for 7 hours? I assume he’d be pretty fucking wild.
You are completely NTA, and married to an AH who is either as immature as a young teenager,’or cheating on you, or both.
He “didn’t know anyone was trying to contact him”?? After he disappeared for hours without a trace? And he’s done similar things before?
I don’t think I could stay with someone who cared so little about me.
NTA and he was cheating on you.
NTA, and your husband doesn’t even care about you enough to shoot a text, sorry.
Probally most definitely almost positive that that man is cheating.
NTA you gotta cut this one loose.
NTA – when either I or my guy leave the house we say something like “going to x, be back around y o’clock, will let you know if anything changes” not because we need to know where the other is 24 hours a day, but because it’s…polite?
Your reaction was perfectly valid, and even if his phone died the minute he left the house, he could still have used a friend’s phone to text you.
You need to stop being upset and confused and start being angry. How DARE he treat you with such contempt and not only expect you to put up with it without a word, but tries to make you feel bad about it?!
You do not deserve this treatment, and I doubt it’s the only example of his contempt for you.
NTA it shows very little respect for you. He had your car so you were stuck at home with your daughter. If there was an emergency he is now unreachable and you don’t have your car to deal with it. It also made you the default parent all night and again in the morning when he got sleep. Taking no consideration into how that impacts you.
Yes you don’t need to know where your partner is 24/7 but a reasonable partner checks in and sets expectations for when they will be back so you don’t worry.
Was he able to buy what he said he needed to buy?
He wasn’t at he bar with his friends. And even going to the bar, and hanging out with his friends after he said he was just going to run an errand, isn’t acceptable.
But I’m sad to say, he was probably cheating.
Whoa, he’s a pumpkin eater fer sure.
NTA. He’s cheating at you. Demand details of his whereabouts last night. Who, where, what game, who won, etc, etc. Then double-triple check his “alibi”.
He’s not marriage material. Too bad you already have a kid with him.
He knew what he was doing when he left. Who goes to the store for deodorant that late at night?
NTA.
You didn’t overreact; your fiancé UNDERreacted.
I smell some hanky-panky.
Updateme
Just want to throw out that it could also be drugs….cheating or drugs….
NTA. He borrowed your car and you expected it back in half an hour.
He borrowed your car for a booty call! Nasty!! Run, before he brings home an STD with that deodorant.
maybe its time to ghost him back
NTA. Idk, maybe I’m overreacting, but I’d give my husband the boot if he pulled something like this on me.
Your fiancé was so incredibly disrespectful. You don’t ‘not realise’ 6 hours have gone past (I took off 1 hr for him to get the deodorant and get to the bar etc’. He is full of shit. You don’t not tell your partner, who is waiting for you, that your plans have changed and you’ll be home later.
Obviously NTA. His obligations as a father aside, there is a difference between saying “I’m going out with some friends, don’t wait up for me”, or even texting you that after he ran into some friends, vs saying he is going to a store at night and then never responding to texts for hours. The most reasonable conclusion given the facts at the time were that he has somehow gotten injured and was lying somewhere knocked out.
At minimum refusing to respond when he could means he was being cruel and idiotic, but I would bet on him cheating on you. If he were really out with friends or something why wouldn’t he have just texted you back?
NTA. Seriously doubt he met some friends buying deodorant @10pm & left to watch a game. Like what game is on at 10pm? He’s cheating.
Remember, those “friends from the bar” have already been asked to lie for him….
I don’t much like your fiance.
>he ran into some friends then decided to go to the bar and watch the game with them then went back to their place and hang out and he didn’t realize how late it got because his phone died
absolute zero regard to even communicate with his partner, who is at home, with a child, that he’ll be out a little longer.
>he didn’t have to let me know his whereabouts 24/7
this is the BS response to “I realize it was not the best idea to not tell you, but I don’t want to own up to it in front of you because you made me look bad in front of other adults”
You were a reasonable partner, why should you have to worry that he’s been in an accident if he just doesn’t care about communicating. Sounds like a great, reliable and safe partner to have. Not.
NTA
NTA
Honestly sounds like drug taking or affair behaviour. It’s super weird.
Welcome to dealing with a narcissist.
Not even remotely TAH! And you’ve still got time to NOT make that fiance into your husband. I hope you make the right choice.
NTA, and he was most definitely not out with his mates. And if he was, they were doing things he doesn’t want you to be aware of. Ask him what friends he saw, get him to unlock his phone and check texts between them and deleted texts, ring the hosting guy off his phone on speaker and get him to ask “did I leave my wallet at yours?” Nothing else, just did I leave my wallet at yours. If he refuses, he wasn’t there. If the friend says yes you did and he has his wallet with him or doesn’t own a wallet then he’s covering up. And if the friend has no idea what he’s on about, he’s caught in a lie.
Then ring one of the other guys, “did I leave my wallet at yours”. If they’re covering, they will say yes. If they’re being honest, they will say that they were at the other friends/they’ve not seen the wallet. Their responses should all align with husband’s statement proving he was telling the truth, or, none of them will align.
Find out which friend. Which game? Which bar?
NTA. He’s lying about something major.
NTA. It would be my first thought to let my partner know if I was going to be out longer than I anticipated, especially to the extent of not coming home that night.
Cheating on you AND he doesn’t have his own car… NAAHHH!!!!
He’s trying to feed you some real gaslighting bullshit!
It’s NORMAL to let your partner know where you’re going. It’s also NORMAL to worry if your partner is missing for 7 hours. F this guy for making you feel like it’s not.
NTA
Nta. do it back to him. go and say that you have to go get something real quick from the store. It’ll just take you. You know 10 minutes. You’ll be right back and disappear for seven hours and have him have all those thoughts running through his head about where you might be maybe you’re lying dead in a ditch somewhere maybe you got kidnapped and you’re being trafficked or whatever the case may be. see how he likes it and then when you show up and you tell him it’s not a big deal I ran into some friends and we decided to go out to a bar and then I went to their house and I didn’t realize how late it was because my phone died and you know I’m too stupid to take my phone before it dies and text you to let you know what’s going on you know so you don’t have to worry about me… like what the fuck?? people like this grind my gears.. sorry that was a long post. He really pissed me off for you.!
NTA
he should be grateful to know that you’d be looking for him everywhere, and honestly? If my fiance went out for deodorant, never answered and disappeared for 7 hours he’d better HOPE something serious had happened to him. The moment he strolled back I’d kick him to the curb. There’s no way you go missing for 7hrs and think you can come back like nothing ever happened.
NTA – who needs deodorant at 10pm? Nobody. Weak excuse and even weaker explanation for his subsequent behaviour. Do not marry this man.
NTA he’s lying
You’re NTA. He obviously does not respect you as a person or the mother of his child… I’m so saddened and pissed off for you. Obviously that’s some lame BS excuse that he used… Because if that was actually true, he would have used one of his friends phones to contact you and let you know.! or at least that’s what a mature adult would do. DO NOT let this man gaslight you. You don’t deserve it. ❤️🩹
NTA And I’d go ahead and send him back to whoever he was with all night, because it wasn’t his buddies, girl!
You didn’t overreact but his reasons are very sketchy. Sounds like a booty call to me tbh. Either way his reactions might be something you expect from a person you’re just dating but not someone who loves you so much he is engaged to you. He is showing you your future.
Yes
You should’ve filed the report. It would really help further when you try to get sole custody of your child. NTA.
So, your car doesn’t have a USB charger in it?
NTA. Someone takes my car for a quick errand and is gone for several hours, I’m reporting them missing abd the car stolen. And they best actually be missing!
He doesn’t “have” to tell you where he is 24/7, but it is a simple act of respect and courtesy to check in and let your partner know your plans changed. With that in mind, he’s shown you he doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t care enough about you to bother to think this will cause you worry.
I realize this is a tiny piece of your relationship. But I wouldn’t stay with someone who treated me like that. It tells me they don’t respect or care about me. I would also be seriously questioning that they left at 10pm.and “didn’t realize how late it was” at 5am among other parts of his story.
NTA. That’s a dealbreaker for me. I deserve common decency. The very least you can do is shoot a text and say you’ll be out later than expected. And I mean the very least.
I think he’s cheating and fell asleep in his lovers arms.
NTA. Just out of curiosity, did he shower right away after brushing you off?
I think your fiancé was not at a bar with friends. Going out at 10 PM for deodorant seems a little far fetched. Take your kid and leave. You didn’t overreact. Your fiancé is an asshole and likely cheating.
Ask to see the receipt for the condoms I mean “deodorant” he bought.
This was an unexpected chance for him to get laid and he couldn’t tell the other woman no. So he made up the excuse to go to the store. Turned his phone off cuz he knew you would be blowing it up and didn’t want that to be a distraction and that way his location history is off as well. His story is nonsense. You are way too naive. He doesn’t even bother coming up with a believable lie.
Best of luck with the divorce..
I’m not going to make assumptions on what he was or wasn’t doing while he was incognito mode. HOWEVERRRRRRRRR 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
IF YOU ARE ENGAGED SIRRRR, yeah you kind of do need to keep your partner in the loop of your whereabouts. If you’re engaged you’re committing for life, that’s literally marriage. If he doesn’t want someone to know where he is then he needs to be single.
And now reading back that he is also the father of your child?! Are you F—ING KIDDING ME?! Yeah, yeah you do need to know where he is. That being said, he’s dumb, and he doesn’t seem to even have basic common sense. I’m glad he’s safe, but you’re never going to be safe mentally and emotionally if you allow yourself to stay.
He’s cheating. NTA.
NTA
What if he got into a car accident and no one saw the car?
Better to be safe than sorry
Crazy that in 7 hours he couldn’t send a text explaining what happened.
NTA. IF he went out with his buddies, what’s wrong with a simple, “Hey babe, I ran into a few friends and we’re going to go to a bar to hang out for a bit. Just wanted to call/text to see if you were ok with that.” Seems like he might be cheating. Why else would he ignore the messages. Please don’t let him lie and walk all over you. You aren’t his personal doormat.
NTA
Buying deodorant that late at night is weird and suspicious in and of itself. Do you have a 24 hr drugstore or something? The one in our town closes at 9:00.
He could have borrowed someone’s phone if his died. I’m sure not everyone in his friend group had their phones all die simultaneously.
That man is hiding something. the heck he mean he doesn’t have to fill you in on his whereabouts 24/7? To disappear for 7 hours and not expect you to react that way is delusional on his end. Idk, homie sounds kind of mid. we don’t settle for mid.
NTA – He fell asleep at his girlfriends house
NTA-he’s cheating. Dump him.
NTA. Don’t marry this man.
There is no world where he needed deodorant at 10 pm, then couldn’t find a charger and just happened to disappear for 7 hours. A million ways to charge a phone or send a text via someone else’s phone.
When my friend’s husband started to disappear for hours and his phone “died”, he was an alcoholic and ended up cheating. Your (ex?)fiance is throwing up the red flags here. You should definitely pay attention.
Why are you still there?
Nta. He doesn’t owe you the knowledge of his location or anything like that but if he cares about you and your peace of mind he would make a point to make sure you know he’s ok.
The guy was with his side piece.
Run. This isn’t normal and it will only get much worse.
NTA. While this behavior would be 100% fine if he lived alone or if you were traveling with your child, it is unacceptable to do this when you have anyone who is waiting for you at home.
The fact that he went with them at all and didn’t even think to let you know is WILD. Also, that the first words out of his mouth were not “I’m so sorry for worrying you” is breakup-worthy. What an inconsiderate ass. Imagine him when your kids are older, just not showing up to pick them up for school, or going off with his friends when you are expecting him to come home with a birthday cake.
He’s also such a hypocrite. If you disappeared all night after going out just to get a pizza, would he just be chilling because you don’t have to tell him where you are 24/7?
You sure you want to marry this one? You’ve still got time.
Edit: Agree with others, get an std test, because it’s at least equally likely that he’s cheating vs. with “his boys”
Saying you don’t need to know where he is 24/7 is completely gas lighting you. It wasn’t a short amount of time. It was 7 HOURS. That’s basically ALL NIGHT. A real partner & dad would never disappear all night and cause you that kind of anxiety & worry. Dump the loser who’s either cheating, on drugs, or just extremely selfish and thoughtless.
But did he even come back with deodorant?
For some reason I just have to know if he remembered to do the actual errand in all the confusion of making up that story.
Also… NTA.
I’d be interested in meeting that friend he met up with to check her story. Uh erm. I mean “friends”. NTA.
He took your car and thinks he can do whatever for hours while you’re home with a baby…. sorry babe you saddled up with a loser
When people show you who they really are, believe them. It’s insane for a SO to go out shopping and then disappear for 7 hours, AT MIDNIGHT FFS, with no contact. Then to go on and be mad at YOU for being worried? That’s not a red flag, that’s an entire red parade.
NTA! But think carefully if you need a husband like that!
so he was with other people who obviously had working phones and still didn’t bother contacting you… is this really someone you want to marry?
This was planned. You should really consider whether this is the guy you want to grow old with. He’s sneaky.
NTA!
NTA. Especially because
> Did they not have a charger at their house he could have used to charge his phone and send me a text?
Exactly. The “phone died” excuse is clearly BS. He didn’t get in touch because he didn’t want to, despite having clearly indicated that he would be right back and having taken your car. Given what you knew, you reacted appropriately.
BTW some phones can display recent battery levels.
He went to the store at 10pm and then disappeared for 7 hours? He happened to run into his buddies and went for a drink and then went to their house to watch a game for what, 6 hours or so? And his phone died and he didn’t notice for the entire night? He was out the entire night and he didnt notice his phone is dead or wonder why it never rang or something? Sure. Riiiight.
I’m not saying he is cheating and spent entire night with whomever he is fucking, all I am saying, this sounds like he is cheating and spent entire night with whomever he is fucking.
Either way, you are planning to marry a man who doesn’t give a fuck about you. NTA.
NTA, and not overreacting. Adults in committed relationships let their partner know if they’re going to be gone longer than they had planned. He’s being SUCH a putz about this.
NTA. Don’t marry this person. YTA if you marry him.
He’s right, you don’t need to know where he is 24/7 BUT you live together and have a child – he DOES need to tell you when he won’t be home.. all night after going to the “store”.
He’s defensive and putting it on you because he’s lying. If he were innocent, he’d be apologising to you, your whole family AND the police for causing all this worry.
The big question is if you’re gullible enough to believe the deodorant story
NTA I’m not even going to touch his random ass story because huh?? Who lets their phone die when you have a toddler? Who abandons their plan to go home to your family at 10pm TO DRINK AND THEN GO BACK TO A HOUSE? I’m younger and I wouldn’t do that without informing someone. While, yes, you don’t NEED to know his whereabouts 24/7 he left LATE at night and left you with your guys CHILD. Frankly he lost that kind of independence when the kid was born. 7 hours is also actually insane. No way you can’t tell that much time has passed unless you are A: sleeping B: doing drugs or C: don’t care. Like was he not exhausted? Did he not bring you or your kid up once? I would be asking for some proof honestly, bar receipts, friends cooperating, where’s this deodorant?
This isn’t a matter of trust this is a matter of he just did something so fucking out of the norm that he needs a better explanation because there’s not a lick of logic in this.
Sounds like your man had a terrible accident
https://youtu.be/7OT-DNIVA9I
He’s not your fiancé, he’s your baby daddy. Now you have two kids. Oh, and he didn’t go out for deodorant. He went out to meet up with his boys and party and he drank and drove your car
I promise i mean this nicely, but i am a very inattentive man… i give people the benefit of doubt all the time, and i know this man is cheating. He went out for deodorant then got with his buddies, and didn’t realize he was gone for SEVEN hours? He’s mad cause he was forced to leave his mistress.
What game plays that late, no matter the time zone? Plus he could have used someone else’s phone. Deodorant could have waited. He’s lying.
NTA
He’s lying to you. He’s cheating. NTA.
Do NOT marry this man.
He hooked up with someone. Going out to buy deodorant?? I’m your car?? Phone died??
Please give him the boot.
Get tested.
Do not let him drive your car.
NTA. This is a dealbreaker.
NTA. If my husband’s phone dies while he’s out with friends he’ll have one of his friends text me. “Hey, this is James, your husband’s phone died. Text this number if you need anything.” That’s it, simple, not a big deal and responsible if your plans WILDLY change the way his hypothetically did.
NTA, I would let my girlfriend of 6 months know where I am. If my phone dies, I will find a charger. I will borrow a friends phone- I will not leave her in the dark for 7 hours.
And you’re marrying this guy?
Girl. Please. lol
NTA
Look, many other adults thought it was possible he could be in trouble… including the police who it’s part of their job to evaluate situations.
.
There are so many holes in his story!
Too bad you have a child together – that’s impossible to undo.
It’s inconvenient that you’re living together, but you can move out.
Absolutely do not marry him unless he comes clean, couples counseling, etc.
At minimum he’s wildly inconsiderate and gaslighting you. At worst, well, get yourself checked for STDs because he’s unfaithful &/or using illegal drugs.
When someone shows you who he is, believe him.
Oh, and get copies of the police records about this because they might help when you go to get sole custody of the child. He’s clearly irresponsible. (Do get child support though, the baby is owed at least that.)
Sounds like a load of BS to me. No text or call? C’mon. Either his story is suss or he is the most inconsiderate man ever. Or both.
Also who goes to buy deodorant at 10pm, in your car, doesn’t come back and doesn’t contact you? He went out drinking, in your car, then tells you that YOU overreacted?
The guy is gaslighting you.
NTA.
NTA and I’m suspecting there was no need for deodorant and this meetup with “friends” was an illicit pre planned sexual meetup
Definitely NTA.
If he is telling the truth (and it sounds dodgy!), then he doesn’t respect your relationship or feelings at all. That in itself is a massive red flag. Being sidetracked is fine. Things can take longer sometimes, also fine. But you didn’t start getting worried immediately either, a completely normal reaction. After hours though, your reaction and worry was appropriate. Something could have happened and you were concerned for his well-being. You did everything you could and should have.
His reaction when coming home didn’t just offer a normal believable explanation but also completely disregarded your feelings. Almost as if he didn’t care that you were worried. Even if he didn’t realise at the time he made the decision to stay out without telling you (no excuse for that bit!), seeing that he had worried you should have made him realise he messed up. He should feel bad and guilty about that alone. The fact he doesn’t is another red flag about how he values you, your feelings and your relationship.
Now all of the above is IF he actually told the truth. And I would not be confident that’s the case. If he was lying, there were even more red flags. Consider if that’s a healthy long-term relationship for your and your kids sake.
What game are they watching at midnight?
NTA. But your man sure is. This man is fully lying to you. I think there are few options as to why. Cheating, drugs or gambling (as in he has a serious gambling addiction) would be my guesses.
Update us
Lemme guess, got back and immediately jumped in the shower…
NTA.
Not being in simple contact with you, his fiancee and mother of his child, is bullshit. Simple status updates here and there when you’re out are simple respect in a loving relationship. Especially when he’s out late at night using your fucking car and deviating from his original plan.
He’s a total clown and you did the right thing. Maybe next time, if he doesn’t wanna get reported missing, he should consider not going fucking missing.
NTA
You either have a cheater, a substance abuser, or a guy who is just doesn’t care about you that much.
Tell him, the next time he disappears with your car for more than an hour, you won’t spend a second worrying about him, but you WILL report your car as stolen..
Then tell him – not to worry – there won’t be a next time he borrows your car.
Did he even have a grocery bag with a new deodorant ?
Even if his story were true, his reaction is to blame-shift and play the victim.
Compared our experiences:
Decades ago my then fiance (now husband of 25+ years), and I had a miscommunication- before we had cell phones. He lived 90 minutes away. I thought he was coming in the morning.
When he didn’t show and I couldn’t reach him for about 3 hours, I also got worried and called his work buddy and worried about him being in an accident. He called around 3pm to tell me he was coming (that’s what he thought the plan was.) he heard the emotion in my voice and said he never wanted to cause me to sound like that again.
In my case, It was daytime, fewer hours, miscommunication vs a direct contradiction of what fiance said, no cell phones, just me and him vs a child and other relatives too… and my fiancé’s concern was for me and my emotions.
Even if your fiance was embarrassed, he still should have he’d the decency to be very sorry he had given you reason to worry (anyone would have worried!) and had caused so much concern/effort for you and your relatives.
He wasn’t with his friends. He was hoping that you’d go to sleep and not realise how late he’d eventually come home.
Of course you’re NTA.
He’s either: a cheater, an alcoholic, or a gaslighting narcissist—or all of the above. Do not marry him, or you will invite this behavior for who knows how many years, and then you’ll finally divorce him. In the meantime, you will teach your daughter that this is how a man is supposed to treat her when she grows up.
I don’t believe him for a second. You have bigger problems than whether calling the cops was wrong or right. Your question should be whether you’re an ah because you believed his bullshit story.
Did he actually buy deodorant? Also, he probably went out to cheat and fell asleep. NTA
NTA. He’s making excuses on excuses on excuses for problems that are so easily solvable. I’m so sorry to say this, but I also smell a cheater.
I’ve had this conversation when talking about why my partner and I have each others locations. It’s not about trust for us, it’s safety. His job is very dangerous that is heightened thru the brutal winters where we live and he has mine for similar safety reasons. It’s not about checking to see where we are or what we’re doing. But that means we use it. He can’t sit in one place for too long without shooting me a quick text because I WILL show up or send someone out.
My point is, you didn’t react any way except out of concern for his safety. There wasn’t any “I’m gonna catch him” gotcha you were trying to make happen. He’s trying to make it seem like you had a gross overreaction when in reality disappearing for 7 hours and expecting your partner to not care is WILD! He’s up to no good and you deserve better.
First off weird he’s getting deodorant at such a weird hour. Second who tf just changes plans like that and doesn’t tell their wife. That’s disrespectful at minimum even if true. Third why could he not borrow a charger.
If this is common sorry but Id look deeper cause this is disrespectful and he either doesn’t care about communication with you or he’s cheating and lying. No in between.
NTA, but your man is cheating on you. He wasn’t at a bar or his friend’s house. He was with his side piece.
NTA. You can’t go 7 hours without contacting your partner and actively ignoring them while (1) you share a minor child, (2) have their car, (3) left the house for a 10 min task and not your working hours, (4) it’s the midnight.
I would also assume my husband is actively in danger. And like the rest of the commenters said, he had many ways of contacting you.
I don’t want to be that redditor but are you sure he was with a friend?
It’s cheating or concealed substance abuse or both. Good luck sis!
NTA that’s sketchy behavior!
NTA almost certainly cheating
He went to cheat I’m sorry to say.
Seriously, that’s a straight up lie and not a good one at that. You can’t seriously logically believe that after telling someone I’ll be back in 10 minutes and not coming back for 420 minutes and having the cops come down is not an over reaction. Something’s sus.
How did he “run’ into his friends at the drugstore? Is it even open that late? Did he come back with said deodorant? Who buys deodorant that late at night? Take a shower in the am and go and buy some. It all sounds fishy to me!
NTA he’s cheating on you. That lie he spun is ridiculous and most games end when he left or shortly thereafter. He cheated
You have a two year old together.
What would he have done if YOU disappeared for seven hours?
And YES you do need to know where he is 24/7 and vice versa because SOMEONE needs to be caring for your child. You need to nip this shit in the bud NOW especially with #2 on the way because it’s clear he feels you are the only one responsible for the child(ren).
NTA. If somehow his story was true (which I doubt with every fiber of my being), he should be sharing his location and not leaving your home without at least 50% charge. He also needs to memorize your phone number so he can text you from someone else’s phone.
But honey, he’s lying, and at a minimum he planned this all-night hangout with the boys, but it’s way more likely he was hooking up with someone. At a minimum, he should have been frantic, embarrassed, and incredibly apologetic, not annoyed with you.
He’s an AH and you need to make plans for moving on.
NTA at all, he doesn’t seem worried at all about you while you clearly worry about him. It seems like he wasnt just at a buddies house. Surely someone would have a phone charger or he could use his friends phone to call you. I would not let this go without an apology and an explanation.
For him to be mad at you just for being worried is really horrible. He should be grateful he has a wife who cares about him so much.
Next time dont call the police and report him as missing. Call the police and report your car as stolen. Going out with it for seven hours isn’t the same as borrowing it. Fuck this guy
Updateme
Why are you with him? Ask yourself. He will only get worse if you think he will change.
Nta. Phone chargers are everywhere. I’m sorry, but I think he’s cheating on you…
He accidentally fell asleep after they had sex. NTA.
Stop letting him use your car. Does he not have his own car? This is not healthy and he has no respect for you or the kid.
Thing is, if he did have his own car, he wouldn’t be with you. If he asked to rake your car for a booty call, you would have said no.
Delusional, this guy is obviously cheating. Also yes as your partner he is required to tell you where he is if he disappears for 7hrs.
He got laid somehow. I’m sorry OP.
At the very least don’t let him use your car. Ever.
Who knows what he was using your car for. He needs to buy milk, he can walk. He needs har toothpaste, he can uber. Don’t have the cash for it? He can walk.
What if you needed your car for an actual emergency? He left you without a car and turn off his cellphone so he could have some “me time” without you. Cool. He can do that too, without your car.
NTA
Dude is inconsiderate and entitled to your time and car.
NTA, his story is BS dude.
NTA He is one selfish irresponsible jerk.
NTA – he is too immature to be a father
or husband. Time for a new man
Updateme
Oh honey…
NTA – he could’ve borrowed a charger at his friends house but definitely a story coverup for something else.
NTA, it sounds like he’s cheating or doing drugs. Regardless, that’s very inconsiderate of him & I’d be rethinking my relationship.
NTA
If you are living together and have a child together ( and he has your car) he absolutely needs to tell you where he is all the bloody time.
There is something else going on here and he isn’t telling you.
He could have used a friends phone to call, he could have told them no. But he chose to disappear all night. That is a red flag
Every time I go out and my spouse is home, I let him know where I am going and how long I think I will be gone. He does the same. It’s not a matter of being nosy or jealous. It’s a matter of “I care about you, you care about me, I don’t want you to worry, so I will let you know I am OK if I am going to be late. “
NTA – and his story sounds sus to me. If his phone died and he was at a friend’s place why didn’t he borrow a charger, or a phone to call home?
I’m not going to speculate on what he was doing, but I’m willing to put money on it NOT being “watching sports”
Hookers and blow is my best guess.
Updateme
I want to know how long it takes for you to discover he is cheating or for him to admit it.
NTA and if you believe that story, I have a bridge to sell you. Your man is having an affair or he’s a serious addict. I hope you don’t marry him.
YTA – because first I would check his friends and his friend’s wives surely? If you did that, then NTA
NTA.
Seriously, don’t believe his lies. This man was with another woman, or getting his fix on drugs, or both. It took me 12 years to see through the blatantly obvious lies. Don’t be like my dumbass self.
NTA, but this is a whole former USSR of red flags.
When we had a very young baby, my husband went out for drinks with work friends. He went a bit too hard, and one of them had him sleep it off at their place. They texted me from their phone saying “Hi, this is X, Husband has had a few too many and is crashed on my couch, we’ll send him home as soon as he’s safe to travel, unless you want to come and get him”. I left him there (I wasn’t dragging the baby out of bed).
IF he’d actually been out with friends, one of them could have contacted you. I, like many other commenters, believe he was doing something worse than just ignoring you and his child.
Did he bring a deodorant home with him??? Updateme
My first husband used to do that and he was always with his girlfriend.
NTA
Now you know that man was cheating. EVERYONE has a car charger. Even his “friends”. He didnt want u to interrupt his cheating.