When I was 9, I was groomed for months then assaulted by our neighbor. The incident happened the night my mom went into labor with my brother. I didn’t tell anyone what happened (mostly because I didn’t know it was wrong at the time) until he kidnapped and assaulted one of my friends. All the adults called her a liar until I came forward. I don’t know exactly what his consequences were but I was told he was going to prison and he wouldn’t hurt anymore kids.
I’m now 38. I’ve googled him a few times throughout the years but not extensively because it’s a subject I’m not super comfortable addressing. Yes, I’ve been in therapy.
For whatever reason, I decided to Google him and hurt my own feelings. I found that he was convicted of another crime against a child in 2020 and he’s in a retirement home. I don’t want to pay money to look up his record but I doubt in 30 years, he only hurt 3 kids.
I’m so fucking mad I’m crying! Im mad at my mom for not protecting me, because why would you not plan for your kid to stay with literally anyone else when you would inevitably go into labor. He was a 55 yo man living alone!! My babysitter lived in the apartment below us. I had an aunt that lived 30 minutes away. (No, her delivery was not urgent or complex)
I’m mad at the detective that promised me he wouldn’t hurt another kid. I’m mad that my dad didn’t immediately try to seek custody of me.
I’m mad at the prosecutor that gave him a plea deal.
So many people let me down and not one of them are ever going to take accountability for what happened to me and all those other little girls. I’m NC with my mom due to the other abuses I endured at her hands and I’m LC with my dad. I can’t afford to see my therapist right now.
Idk what I’m looking for here. I’m mad and I feel like that helpless little girl all over again and no one to save me, again.
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I so sorry you’ve had to go through this. All I can say is I hope he’s in a terrible facility, rotting away in his own feces on a stage 4 decubitus ulcer while his roommate whistles Mary Had A Little Lamb over and over until he dies.
Write it down. Write down everything that you think would be “accountablility”. One person at a time, each horrid incident of abuse. Write down what they did in one column, and then write down what you think the proper punishment would be for their action. Yes even if you think that death would be the right punishment.
When I did this, once I looked over the list I realized that none my “punishments” would make it any better. I learned that I have to figure out how to move on for myself, and to not let them have this hold over me or this power over my life. It is not easy. But I am the only one who can take their power away, no court is going to do it for me.
I am so sorry all this happened to you. Thank you for the time you took writing out this painful sequence. It reminds us ALL to be vigilant. To believe the children. To, if we see something, say something. Hoping somehow you get the peace you deserve. (fwiw, the man who murdered my HS bestie died in prison; that’s last part is going to happen to that evil man, too, and he’s going to rot in h*ll…)