I (28F) am anal about my daughter’s (2) oral health and brush her teeth twice a day for 1 minute with a grain of rice sized amount of fluoride toothpaste as recommended by our dentist. My husband has made several comments about fluoride lowering IQ, etc. and has expressed concern about this. I am almost sure that he just doesn’t brush her teeth when I am not home in the morning or at bedtime which luckily is very infrequent.
I’m no expert in dental information, but I did tell him that the toothbrushing practice that I do has been recommended by our dentist and that I asked about it (we all see the same one). He started citing studies that people had told him about, and I told him he really needed to call the dentist if he was concerned.
Fast forward to last week when my daughter went in for her first dental exam. Her teeth were beautiful and the dentist was very happy with what we have been doing at home. I did tell him that my husband was concerned about the fluoride toothpaste, and asked if he could talk to my husband about it during his next appointment (my husband is getting his teeth straightened and is going in once every few weeks, so he sees our dentist a lot).
My husband came back from his appointment today and was upset that I had asked the dentist to talk to him about the fluoride. He said he felt extremely embarrassed and that everyone at the practice thinks he is an idiot. I told him it was nothing to be embarrassed about and that we pay the dentist to ask questions and to help us make educated decisions, but he’s still mad at me. AITA?
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I (28F) am anal about my daughter’s (2) oral health and brush her teeth twice a day for 1 minute with a grain of rice sized amount of fluoride toothpaste as recommended by our dentist. My husband has made several comments about fluoride lowering IQ, etc. and has expressed concern about this. I am almost sure that he just doesn’t brush her teeth when I am not home in the morning or at bedtime which luckily is very infrequent.
I’m no expert in dental information, but I did tell him that the toothbrushing practice that I do has been recommended by our dentist and that I asked about it (we all see the same one). He started citing studies that people had told him about, and I told him he really needed to call the dentist if he was concerned.
Fast forward to last week when my daughter went in for her first dental exam. Her teeth were beautiful and the dentist was very happy with what we have been doing at home. I did tell him that my husband was concerned about the fluoride toothpaste, and asked if he could talk to my husband about it during his next appointment (my husband is getting his teeth straightened and is going in once every few weeks, so he sees our dentist a lot).
My husband came back from his appointment today and was upset that I had asked the dentist to talk to him about the fluoride. He said he felt extremely embarrassed and that everyone at the practice thinks he is an idiot. I told him it was nothing to be embarrassed about and that we pay the dentist to ask questions and to help us make educated decisions, but he’s still mad at me. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took to be judged was asking the dentist to talk to my husband about the use of fluoride toothpaste for our daughter. I may be the asshole bc my husband felt very embarrassed and like he was being called out for not wanting to use fluoride
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. Why was it “dentist talk to husband” and not ‘husband, why don’t you bring your concerns to dentist?” And if the answer is you don’t think husband would have, well then why do we care about this? You did what you had to do.
Yes, YTA. By talking to your dentist on your husband’s behalf ahead of time, you set a prejudicial tone; one that comes across like, “My husband is being influenced by people I think are crackpots on the internet, would you set him straight when he comes in here?” In doing this, you removed your husband’s actual agency regarding whether or not he wanted to talk to the dentist about this. And also by doing this, you interfered with his relationship with his healthcare provider.
What kind of a wife and mother are you? One who thinks that HER preference is the only or most important one when it comes to what care is given to your child, clearly. You aren’t giving your husband’s concerns any space, thereby removing HIS agency as a father.
I’d still be mad at you, too.
NTA. Not to put too fine a point on it, he’s probably right about how the dental staff view him and they aren’t wrong. He was wandering down a conspiracy theory rabbit hole of bad info, and was willing to endanger your child’s health because of that bad information. He wouldn’t listen to you because you aren’t an expert, so you ensured a professional who is an expert would talk to him.
NTA. If he felt like an idiot it was because the dentist explained things clearly enough that he could see his beliefs were wrong and his sources were unreliable. You didn’t embarrass him or ask the dentist to shame him. You just asked the dentist to explain why flouride toothpaste is good for your child. It is good that he learnt the answer. His insecurity seems to be the problem here, and if the degree to which he is “mad at you” seems disproportionate, I’d be quite concerned about that.
Nta. He’s putting conspiracy theories over his daughters health. He is an id**t and that’s why he feels like one, not you.
NTA, hopefully you got him out of the rabbit hole of conspiracies before it was too late!
Maybe if he’d stop listening to pseudoscience nonsense people wouldn’t think he’s less than bright. Just saying. NTA
NTA- he should be embarrassed for listening to conspiracy and putting your daughters oral health at potential risk. If he had properly done his research and had facts to back up his theory, he wouldn’t have left the dentist office embarrassed.
He wasn’t listening to you, now he should listen to a professional.
NTA, part of the attraction of conspiracy theories is feeling like you know something everyone else doesn’t, that you’ve seen through the lies into the real truth and only you and a select few are smart enough to see the “truth.” They appeal to the ego. So being in a place where he’s surrounded by experts who have more than “a study a friend told me about” to back up their knowledge and disprove the theory hurts his ego. And probably makes him realize his stance actually didn’t make sense and he is not smarter than everyone else. So he’s taking it as a personal attack instead of just being given information, which is how you meant it.
NTA. Sounds like his genetics have more of a chance of lowering your daughter’s IQ than fluoride does.
NTA.
NTA – if he won’t talk to the family dentist about it, he shouldn’t be badgering you about it…and you were right bring your dentist into the conversation to address his concerns.
You’re NTA and for what it’s worth people who crawl down the fluoride rabbit hole should just get a tin foil hat and leave their kids oral health alone.
YTA he’s not your kid if he wants to be dumb let him ffs
NTA. Your priority as a parent is the health and wellbeing of your child, not coddling another adult’s harebrained bullshit.
NTA. Fluoride is harmless and beneficial. The mark of real intelligence is being open to new information and understanding there are people in the world who are smarter than you. Maybe your husband should listen to doctors.
Lead in Gasoline
Asbestos
DDT (Pesticide)
Thalidomide
Cigarette Smoking
Mercury in Dental Fillings
Chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs)
Radium in Consumer Products
BPA in Plastics
All things doctors said were safe. Not that long ago.
NTA. So the whole “fluoride lowers IQ” thing is something RFK junior said and he’s basing it off one study. The problem is that study only found IQ issues when the amount of flouride in the water system was many times over the recommended levels. So basically it only causes issues if your municipality overdoses you on it or you sit around eating toothpaste all day.
NTA and I will keep my opinions of your husband’s IQ to myself.
INFO: Why don’t you just get a non-fluoride toothpaste?
To all the people who are slamming the husband for his beliefs, experts at one time thought it was a good idea to put asbestos in building materials, smoking had health benefits and DDT was perfectly safe to use. Experts can be wrong. OP could have found a much better solution than what she did.
He should be embarrassed that people think he’s an idiot. If he thinks fluoride lowers IQ he is an idiot.
They took the fluoride out of the water in Juneau Alaska and kids got, on average, one extra cavity per year. More pain, more infection, more money to fix the cavities, and in some cases hospitalization as a result of infection.
If he’s not having her brush her teeth that’s a problem. If he doesn’t have her use fluoride toothpaste, it’s even MORE vital she brush her teeth more often and more thoroughly.
Well he is an idiot. NTA.
Fortunately technology has progressed for better options.
Try the flouride free Nano-hydroxyapatite toothpastes.
You can still use flouride ones when you are there or complement with flouride mouthwash or just rely on flouride in water if your local government adds it to water supply.
Try Boka, super mouth or Ollie or stuff like that. Some of them have branding that’s not obvious that flouride is there. The active content is nPHA.
Although you should definitely be worried if this nonsense would eventually extend to vaccination.
NTA – my kids dont drink fluoridated water but we follow all dental care recommendations including fluoridated tooth paste and fluoride treatments.
It is true that fluoridation in water supply is linked to lower IQ scores, but good luck justifying choosing tooth decay to your potential genius child when theyre in medical debt over root canals and dental implants in adulthood.
INFO: is he against fluoride full stop? Or is he against it at her age because she doesn’t know how to spit it out?
If its the first then N T A, if it’s the second well honestly I’d lay off on him. Swallowing fluoride isn’t exactly healthy and the knowledge that small amounts are ok in the under 3 crowd are pretty new. If he’s on board once she’s old enough to start doing the routine herself I’d just keep the peace right now.
NTA and your husband is in fact an idiot.
> My husband has made several comments about fluoride lowering IQ
Sorry you had a kid with an idiot
> He said he felt extremely embarrassed and that everyone at the practice thinks he is an idiot.
Good, maybe he’ll try a bit harder not to be an idiot
NTA
He should feel embarrassed. And everyone at the practice doesn’t think he’s an idiot, he has opened his mouth and removed all doubt.
You’re good. Let him squirm over this.
He feels like he appeared unintelligent because that’s an unintelligent opinion to hold…
NTA
NTA
And he should be embarrassed. Not only was he wandering down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theory, you revealed that he does not listen to you and does not respect your ability to research or form an opinion. Beyond the fluoride issue, someone outside the family also knows he’s a asshole to his wife.
Just buy fluoride free toothpaste
NTA, your husband is an idiot, sorry.
Tell your husband to live in reality, not social media posts.
Is he also antivax?