So I’ll begin like this I’m Kayla and my friend Kate lives in a studio that’s pretty cramped up. Two months ago she asked if she could keep two small boxes of her winter clothes at my place since I have a two bedroom and more space. I didn’t see the harm at the time and agreed.
But those “two small boxes” turned into bags, then shoes, then coats, and what not, She now has about 6 large bags and two bins stacked in my spare room. I told her it’s starting to overwhelm my space and making me feel uncomfortable , especially because I actually use that room for work and studying basically.
When I asked her to either pick up her stuff or pay me part of the rent I pay (like $30 monthly, which is less than a storage space), she got mad. She said I was being greedy, that “friends don’t charge each other for favors,” she also accused me of acting like a landlord in my own house.
From my point of view, it’s not just about money it’s about my home. I feel like I can’t have guests over without explaining why I’m storing half her wardrobe. I’ve also had to move her stuff around multiple times just to use my desk for work.
Some mutual friends are saying I’m right for setting boundaries, but others think I’m being petty and making a big deal out of something that’s been hurting me so bad.
So, AITA for refusing to let my friend keep turning my apartment into her storage unit?
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So I’ll begin like this I’m Kayla and my friend Kate lives in a studio that’s pretty cramped up. Two months ago she asked if she could keep two small boxes of her winter clothes at my place since I have a two bedroom and more space. I didn’t see the harm at the time and agreed.
But those “two small boxes” turned into bags, then shoes, then coats, and what not, She now has about 6 large bags and two bins stacked in my spare room. I told her it’s starting to overwhelm my space and making me feel uncomfortable , especially because I actually use that room for work and studying basically.
When I asked her to either pick up her stuff or pay me part of the rent I pay (like $30 monthly, which is less than a storage space), she got mad. She said I was being greedy, that “friends don’t charge each other for favors,” she also accused me of acting like a landlord in my own house.
From my point of view, it’s not just about money it’s about my home. I feel like I can’t have guests over without explaining why I’m storing half her wardrobe. I’ve also had to move her stuff around multiple times just to use my desk for work.
Some mutual friends are saying I’m right for setting boundaries, but others think I’m being petty and making a big deal out of something that’s been hurting me so bad.
So, AITA for refusing to let my friend keep turning my apartment into her storage unit?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my friend she needs to pick up her stuff or start paying me a small amount monthly to store it, and I refuse to let her keep adding more things to my apartment. I might be the asshole because I agreed at first to help her out and now I’m going back on that. Also, maybe asking for money or putting a boundary on a friend feels too harsh, especially when she’s struggling with space.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. She’s taking over the entire space when it’s not just HER space. She has no respect for you or your boundaries. I’d lose the whole ass roommate AND the friends that are siding with her
You agreed to help with a couple of boxes, not to let your spare room turn into her storage locker. She’s overstepping, ignoring your space, and then guilting you when you push back. Setting boundaries in your own home isn’t greedy, it’s basic respect.
NTA
Put her stuff next to your door and tell her she needs to remove it all by X date or it will be disposed of.
NTA- I think it’s a little weird to charge rent, because personally I would just want it out more than anything. I would maybe at least put a limit on how much you can store and have her take a little back. Even though it’ll be cramped, you have the right to your own space. Although, $30 monthly is probably on the low end of what she would pay for a storage unit, so really you’re doing her a favor giving her a discounted price.
Friends usually don’t charge for favors, but the one asking is supposed to know when they’re overstepping instead of continuing to push your limits
NTA. Your friend is taking advantage of you. It’s a home, not her personal storage locker. If anyone thinks you’re being an asshole, tell them they should be nice and store the items for her instead of you then
NTA
Perhaps if Kate kept a smaller wardrobe she could afford more space, but these are her choices.
You pay for your space and want to use it for yourself.
Storage units exist for this exact purpose; she’s being selfish and entitled.
NTA. Tell her what you’re willing to do and go from there. If you want to get it back down to two boxes, great. Tell her “I have space for two of your boxes in the closet; everything else needs to go.” Then follow through. Give her a deadline or bring the stuff to her place and leave them on her stoop if needed.
She’s being a bad friend by complaining to you and acting like you’re a bad guy when she’s the one who isn’t holding up her end of the bargain. Classic case of ‘you gave an inch, she took a mile’.
Keep reiterating as needed, that you want to help her but that you feel she’s taking advantage, and you insist on getting the scale of the storage back to what you originally agreed, and nothing more. It’s ok to have a backbone in a friendship. You pay for a two bedroom. It’s up to you how you use and decorate that space.
I see a garage sale in OP’s future. . .
NTA and the friends who think it isn’t a big deal can store her stuff at their place. It sounds like you were trying to do a friend a favor and now it’s become an expectation. It’s a shame Kate can’t afford a bigger space but that doesn’t mean she gets to take over yours. Time for her to get a storage space or do some reorganizing.
NTA! Tell her to pick up her stuff. I wouldn’t even mention payment at this point it’s about the principal.
YTA for wanting to charge her. It‘s ok if it takes too much space & you don‘t want that. Perfectly finde to tell her she needs to take the clothes back. But wanting money ist ah move.
Tell her friends do not take advantage of a nice thing and now she can take all her items back
ESH. I think she has a point if you agreed to every box/shoe/coat/what not. Its great to find a backbone, but you can’t cry foul on all the times you were willingly a doormat. The money aspect of it makes it weird, is that the issue? You feel taken advantage or is it too much stuff? Its there for too long?
Tell her to come get her things, or they will either be sold or given away.
YTA if you dont just pack her stuff up and drop it at her house.
NTA but fgs, stand up for yourself. Learn to st no. Give her a deadline to get her stuff or it goes to charity, and just assume your friendship is over anyway. She’s a user, not a friend.
NTA. She us selfish and entitled. Is she really a good friend? Your needs and desires and below hers in YOUR home. Give her 30 days to move her things. Send an e mail and a text. Tell her they need to be gone or you will have to donate them as you need your space. For the friends who say you are being unreasonable, have them all divide Kate’s things and store them for her. After all, that’s what friends are for
NTA But you should have been firm when extra items started coming in because that’s not what the agreement was. You only agreed to two boxes. I would just go back to her and let her know that you’re okay with the two boxes (if you are) but she’ll need to pick up her other items. I wouldn’t deal with “rent” or anything like that.
NTA. You did her a favour, and now it’s no longer working for you so her time is up. Give her a certain number of days to get it all out or it’ll be donated to charity. If she has more stuff than can fit in her apartment she either needs a bigger apartment or less stuff.
NTA. At all. You were kind/foolish enough to do her a favour. That was a small amount of storage on a temporary basis – storing clothes for a season. Now she is treating your whole second room as her storage facility, that she can fill up with her junk and access at will. That’s a ridiculous expectation. It is her stuff. If she wants to store it she can rent a bigger place, or pay for a storage facility, or remove her stuff from your home and put it somewhere else (I don’t care if that is in her parents’ attic or under her bed, or in a thrift shop). She didn’t honour the kindness of a friend who said she could store 2 small boxes on a temporary basis, and is trying to make you feel bad about asserting a perfectly reasonable and much overdue boundary.
I’d let her know it is time to remove her stuff, as it is causing conflict between you, so you’ll be dropping it back to her place at the weekend. I’d not even mention that it is causing a negative impact on your quality of life. This has become about her lack of respect for your favour putting your relationship at risk, and you absolutely definitely should not take money to store her clothing, as she will never pay enough for you and your home to end up being treated as a service at her beck and call.
Google storage lockers near her location and send her the information
NTA, your friend is the type where she’s given an inch she thinks she’s a ruler.
Stick to your boundary, it’s your home, and don’t name a $ figure you won’t be happy with.
Tell anyone that’s bitching about your being “petty” they are welcome to volunteer have her store bins and bags of her crap at THEIR house for free.
>When I asked her to either pick up her stuff or pay me part of the rent I pay (like $30 monthly, which is less than a storage space), she got mad. She said I was being greedy, that “friends don’t charge each other for favors,” she also accused me of acting like a landlord in my own house.
Oh boy, here we go. A “favor” would be letting her store the original two boxes there for a couple weeks, tops. Not sure how that turned into a bunch of other crap. I would have nipped that in the bud but understand how these situations become like a boiling frog situation.
The best litmus test for a friend is that a friend doesn’t try to guilt you into doing permanent favors for them. Yes, you’re acting like a landlord in your own house because your “friend” is acting like a tenant.
NTA
NTA. Offering to charge for storage fees is a good way to get rid of the stuff because it doesnt matter how low you charge, entitled people never pay. Good for you standing up for yourself.
NTA. It’s YOUR place. Where YOU pay to live. She needs more space, then SHE needs to rent storage space
NTA.. tell your friend who said that you’re being petty that they can store her things for her
You’re not her storage unit nor are you the friend that people could walk around friendship is a 2 way St. and she’s definitely not playing her heart she’s using you making you uncomfortable in your own home and then shaming you for standing up to yourself, and manipulating friends against you to manipulate you some more into allowing you to translate all of her shit into your room sooner or later she’s just gonna move right in.
NTA. Your friend is taking advantage of your kindness and you should put a stop to it since it is getting in the way. I would just ask her to take her stuff back and if anyone ever asks for a similar favor in the future just say no. It’s ok to say no.
I understand she’s taking over your spare room. My question is why did you allow her to keep bringing in more stuff? Let her know you need your room for guest and home office so she needs to pick up her belongings.
NTA. She needs to come up with the creative storage idea in her own home, get rid of some stuff, pay for a storage unit, pay you, or get herself a larger place to live. I’m sure amongst those, she can come up with something that meets her financial abilities.
If she is this pushy, you are going to have to accept shes not a friend and just get her stuff out
NTA You’re doing them a favor. And $30 a month for climate controlled storage that’s safely locked away and watched by a friend is an amazing deal.
NTA, tell the ones who say you’re making a big deal out of nothing can volunteer their space for free instead.
NTA. Anyone with a strong opinion is welcome to keep her crap at their place.
Smells fake
NTA. You said her own apartment is ‘pretty cramped up.’ For me, this is setting off alarm bells for hoarding and, possibly, genuine mental illness. Hoarders will sometimes fill storage unit after storage unit once their own home is packed to the rafters, unable to handle getting rid of literally anything. You might need to contact other people in her life and try to get her some help.
NTA
As soon as she had an issue with you setting the boundary, you needed to tell her to come get her stuff. Her reaction tells you everything you need to know. She’s using you. Stop letting her.
Right, those mutual friends who are saying you’re making a big deal out of it? Next time one pipes up with that, take half the stuff and drive/taxi it over there, and dump it on them. If they’re vocal about the fact they don’t think it’s worth you complaining about, then they won’t mind sharing the burden with you, will they? Of course if anyone else is dumb enough to criticise it, they end up with the second half.
Honestly, you did your “friend” a solid favour and they’re completely taking the piss.
NTA. She’s taking advantage of your generosity because you’re letting her. Have her pick up her stuff and find somewhere else to store it.
NTA, but she sure is. You give people an inch, and many will try to take a whole damn mile. I’ll never understand how many individuals can be so inconsiderate and try taking advantage of someone doing them favours or anything kind
NTA. Friends absolutely pay their friends when they are doing something of monetary value for them, like being a storage unit.
NTA
Nta.
Your house, your rules.
She should get a storage unit as that is what you are right now
NTA. Give her a set amount of time, usually 30 days, to get it out or you will dispense of it how you see fit.
NTA.
You were willing to give her an inch and she’s trying to take the mile.
Take a picture of her “two boxes”, screenshot any conversation about it, and tell her to come her things out of your apartment. The offer of storage space is rescinded.
When she complains about it to friends, send them the picture of her “two boxes” and let them know you’ll be sure to let Kate know they’ve offered free storage for her.
You can rent a storage unit for incredibly low amounts of money. And that’s precisely what she should do.
There is no excuse for her doing what she is doing and you allowing it.
Tell her to pack her shit up and take it by Friday or you will take it to Goodwill. Then block her and never think of her again.
Any friend who did this to you AND then gaslighted you even after you did her a solid is not worthy of your time.
Take all of her stuff to her apartment and when she opens the door leave it in the doorway. When she called you greedy she lost all favorite privileges
I’ll never understand people insulting you to get their way, lol. Once you trash me there’s no chance of me helping you.
No. She’s taking over your space when you barely have room for your stuff. Tell her to take it back to her mother’s house or get a storage space. You need room for your studying desk and ot h er stuff. If she doesn’t do something then, pack it up and set it in her room or the porch. She’s taking advantage of you.
Give her a deadline to get everything out of your apartment. NTA
I would tell her she can keep two small boxes as you agreed. Anything else has to be stored elsewhere. If she wants more room, she has to find a new apartment. You are not paying more rent money than her in order to store her things. She is a selfish friend for attempting to steal the space you pay for. Apartments vary in price and size, friends do not pay extra to store other people’s stuff. Sucker is not tattooed across your forehead.
If she keeps pushing back, then say one box then. Want to try for none?
NTA but you don’t want her stuff there so you shouldn’t be charging her to store it. You should just be drawing a line and saying she needs to come collect her things.
She is not your friend. Have her come get her stuff and stop talking to her. Nta
Since friends don’t charge friends for favors, tell her you need a favor. Tell her you need to store some things at her house and give her her bags back.
NTA but probably better to take money out of the equation. Tell her you will be needing the space and she needs to pick up her stuff by x date. You simply cannot accommodate her.
I would immediately rescind the offer to accept payment for storing her crap. Because it will become like, “Well, i’m paying you for this service, so I’m gonna keep bringing over more stuff.” Just end it.
Sounds like you have enough going on and don’t need this entitled brat anywhere near your safe space. Just send her a text that you are ending this favor and she needs to pick her stuff up by two weeks or it will be donated.
You do not have to justify or explain yourself, but keep to it and don’t back down.
NTA.
You gave her an inch, she took a country mile. She’s definitely in the wrong and taking advantage.
She can either come get her shit or she can kick in a little something.
If she wants free storage again she needs to reduce it back to the agreed upon amount and not one new item comes in.
If its to a point you have to look at this stuff everyday, you’re way better than me bc I could never look at half my spare room(that I actively use) being taken over by someone else’s 💩
NTA but if its is not about the money then leave money out of it. Set a firm boundary. Say “you can only keep these 2 bins. Everything else needs to go.” If she doesn’t take her extra stuff back, “hey, its been a 2 weeks, if your stuff is not down to those 2 bins a week from today, im going to donate everything not in those 2 bins”. Adding money to it just distracts from the actual issue which is how you feel.
Great solution: The friends who think you’re being petty should have plenty of room for her stuff. She can pick it up or they can. You have been kind and generous to allow her to store anything at your place!
Nta. If I were you, I’d asked her to take all her things and not even offer to rent the space. She’ll become a headache over time. If she pays, she’ll dump more things there.
NTA
Pack up her stuff and bring it to the friend that thinks you’re being petty.
Tell the friends calling you petty that you appreciate them volunteering to hold the items. Tell your friend that you need your space in your own home and if she doesnt pick up her stuff within the week you’re dropping it at goodwill.
You agreed to store 2 small boxes. She made the choice to take advantage of your kindness. NTA
I’ll bet her place looks nice and tidy. Give her 2 weeks to pick up her stuff. If left, load it into a storage unit under her name. Pay for a month, it’ll be well worth it to get the leach out of your life.
NTA. Make sure you text her that she needs to pick up her items. That way, you have a paper trail for just in case you may have to discard them if she fails to retrieve them in a timely manner.
Or..
If anyone decides to decides to voice their opinion on you not allowing your apartment to become a storage unit then you know that means they will now store her things and the free loader moves onto the next pleaser.
Give her the names of everyone who thinks it is no big deal and tell her they said she could keep stuff at their places since it was no big deal to them. Either that or show up at their places with bags of her stuff. She either needs to get herself a bigger place or stop over buying for her space. Her accumulating stuff is probably why she can’t afford a bigger place. NTA time to clean house!
NTA
Tell her that friends don’t take over a room in a friend’s home by filling it with their personal items. NTA
You should have stepped up and said no as soon as the approved box number was deposited.
You let her treat you like a doormat with free extra space.
Now what do you do?
You’re going to have to speak up, firmly, and set a date and time,tell her that under no uncertain terms her stuff will be out on the curb if she passes that date.
Will it be awkward? Oh hell, yeah. But that’s on you.
Are you the a$$hole? NTAH
But now you have to be prepared to look like one.
Will it probably harm your relationship, probably, because you are too 🤷🏻♀️ afraid to stick up for yourself proactively and get hurt feelings instead of standing up for yourself.
She really isn’t a great friend. You’re going to get pushed back because she is happy in her clean home where she has room to skip and spin in circles while she’s crowding you out in your own place.
She doesn’t want that stuff back getting in her way now.
It’s got to be done. This is a really good lesson for you to say stop before there is a path beaten over where you get walked upon.
And why do all your friends know about this?
Why do they get an opinion on your boundaries?
If it’s because you can’t keep your mouth shut, learn to keep your mouth shut. if it’s because of the girl using you,telling everybody this crap and they’re siding with her, you might want to re-look at who your friends really are.
I moved into a small studio last month. Do you know how much stuff I gave away? Anything that I couldn’t move into my new space. I still have some stuff I’m gonna have to throw away or give away. My former roommate (and friend) offered to store stuff at the house. Nope. Don’t want to open that can of worms. You are definitely NTA and she is NOT your friend if she’s acting like this.
NTA tell her you were fine with the two boxes the originally asked could you store but now all the extra stuff is getting in your way and starting to cause issues with you working and studying in that room .you totally understand she doesn’t want to pay you for the space and the more you think of it it’s not going to fix the issue ,she just needs to collect the stuff you no longer happy to store it. And when you get the friends help friends bullshit . Say exactly the two boxes can stay cuz friends don’t take advantage of and disrespect friends boundaries
Don’t ask for money. Ask her to get all of her stuff.
It’s not what we agreed and I want it all removing.
NTA
NTA
What favor is she doing for you?
I wouldn’t do the $30. It’s not about the money. She’s monopolizing your space. Give her a deadline to come pick up her stuff, otherwise it will be donated.
NTA. Give her a week to get her stuff, and if she doesn’t, then throw it out and block her. She’s not a friend, she’s using you.
Tell you’ll be leaving her stuff outside your front door. If she doesn’t pick stuff up, you’ll be donating same.
Don’t charge ‘rent’, that may give her ‘rights’ to your space.
Put her stuff in boxes ready to go.
How often does she come over to switch or add stuff?
Does she have a key or leave boxes at your door for you to handle?
She’s not a friend, you’re NTA
AI garbage. “some mutual friends say” is the dead give away.
NTA, Kate took advantage of OP’s kindness by storing more than the agreed upon 2 small boxes. As these items are interfering with OP’s life, Kate either needs to reclaim her possessions or pay the minor amount requested by OP for storage.
Best outcome would be for Kate to remove the items from OP’s place, as chasing Kate for storage fees will become tiresome.
NTA. Give her 2 days to remove her stuff or it’s all going to charity.
Drop it all back off at her place