I (22F) have always had a rough relationship with my older sister M (27F). Before she got married, we fought constantly. She would insult me, call me names, and use a nickname that really hurt because I have a stutter. She also insulted my looks and body, and sometimes things even got physical (once she spilled hot tea on my head).
I used to cry a lot and tell my dad, and he would always talk to her about it. She’d promise to stop but never did. After my dad passed away, the fighting lessened because she was focused on her wedding, and now we rarely talk except when she visits with her husband.
The problem is, my younger siblings saw how much her insults affected me. They realized it upset me, so they started using the same nickname and comments against me whenever they wanted to get under my skin. My youngest sister L (16F) does this the most. Whenever we argue, she calls me that nickname or makes comments about my appearance. I’ve always told her to stop, and I’ve never insulted her back because I know how much those kinds of words can hurt and would destroy her confidence like it did with
Me
Today, I asked L a simple question, and she refused to answer. I asked my other younger sister instead, and she told me. I then said to L, in a neutral tone, “Why didn’t you just say that then?” She got mad and immediately started calling me the nickname I hate and throwing insults at me.
I finally snapped. I insulted her back and said mean things, but I didn’t stop this time. She looked shocked and tried to start a physical fight, but our mom stepped in. Now she’s crying, saying she hates me and won’t ever talk to me again.
I feel guilty about what I said, but at the same time, I feel like I finally stood up for myself after years of taking it.
So, AITA for insulting my sister back?
Comments
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I (22F) have always had a rough relationship with my older sister M (27F). Before she got married, we fought constantly. She would insult me, call me names, and use a nickname that really hurt because I have a stutter. She also insulted my looks and body, and sometimes things even got physical (once she spilled hot tea on my head).
I used to cry a lot and tell my dad, and he would always talk to her about it. She’d promise to stop but never did. After my dad passed away, the fighting lessened because she was focused on her wedding, and now we rarely talk except when she visits with her husband.
The problem is, my younger siblings saw how much her insults affected me. They realized it upset me, so they started using the same nickname and comments against me whenever they wanted to get under my skin. My youngest sister L (16F) does this the most. Whenever we argue, she calls me that nickname or makes comments about my appearance. I’ve always told her to stop, and I’ve never insulted her back because I know how much those kinds of words can hurt and would destroy her confidence like it did with
Me
Today, I asked L a simple question, and she refused to answer. I asked my other younger sister instead, and she told me. I then said to L, in a neutral tone, “Why didn’t you just say that then?” She got mad and immediately started calling me the nickname I hate and throwing insults at me.
I finally snapped. I insulted her back and said mean things, but I didn’t stop this time. She looked shocked and tried to start a physical fight, but our mom stepped in. Now she’s crying, saying she hates me and won’t ever talk to me again.
I feel guilty about what I said, but at the same time, I feel like I finally stood up for myself after years of taking it.
So, AITA for insulting my sister back?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because i said pretty mean things that looked like it destroyed her self confidence and i know it did because she looked at me the same way i used to look my older sister and how i feel now about myself because of her
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta bc your family sucks. It’s not nice to insult people, but 16 is old enough to know better for sure. There is no reason you should have to me nice when your family is that awful to you. If you’ve been clear about how the name calling makes you feel, then they really should listen.
NTA and you wont be lucky enough to never have her talk to you again. Now that you have slapped back, next time she starts warn her once not to start. You will top whatever she says and when you are done she will be crying and stare her down. Then if she continues carry on.
NTA. For whatever reason, you have been assigned the role of family punching bag. I blame your parents for not just tolerating this crappy behavior, but most likely, modeling it.
Your niece can dish it out but she sure can’t take it.
Why are you spending time with these awful people? I would minimize contact at least, if not cut them off altogether.
Good job stop taking it they say something say something back
NTA. Don’t start none, won’t be none.
If your sister never speaks to you again, you haven’t lost anything. In fact, you’ve gained something—silence from this little witch. She’s way too old to be acting like a badly behaved six-year-old.
So sometimes family drama dies down and people mature some times they dont. I am 41 I have four siblings two full two half. My older half sisters I adored when I was a young girl we didnt live near eachother so I didnt see them often but to me they were cool and could do no wrong on the other hand my youngest sibling my little sister and I hated eachother raw horrible hate we have both said things in the past I deeply regret now. and now that I am 41 the sisters who I thought were so cool I despise who they have become they are actually blocked because they always devolve in to drama and name calling but my little sister now we are best friends we’ve apologized to eachother and after several years we have let go of things but to let you know how far it went she did not show up to my wedding and instead stayed home from a vacation I paid for because we made our wedding a weeklong family vacation and rented houses and such so we could all enjoy the mountains together. Point is sibling stuff is hard because being related doesnt mean you have to like them or agree with them. I’m not sure how old you are or your situation but dont let her get to you. Appearance is something we cant change whether or not her claims are rooted in any truth. Its who you are that matters and you ignore her and hold on to the person you are until you can get the hell out
NTA
NTA. She’s an entitled little b**** and if you had told me you slapped her in the face I still would have supported you. If you act like a doormat they’ll treat you like one. If they learn there’s consequences then they’ll change their tune or go LC. Either way, you’re better off.
NTA not the best way to handle the situation but good on you for standing up for yourself.
INFO why are you still in contact with these people?
NTA. Dont let people treat you like a door mat.
She fucked around and found out! NTA! You probably should defend yourself more they’ll probably stop when they see you aren’t playing around with them.
You win if you don’t have to deal with her anymore.
NTA. This is the FO of the FAFO. Seems she can dish it and not take it.
Nta. Go harder on them with the insults. Go deep. Like, “Stinky Beaver”, “Beef Flaps” “Floppy Tits,” anything cutting against their physicality and egos. They deserve it and more.
nta. FAFO
ESH – Yes, you are the AH but so is everyone else. But you are an adult, your sister is not. It’s one thing to correct someone in the moment, it’s often going to fall on deaf ears. You could have tried sitting down with her and telling her its very hurtful and asserting boundaries with consequences. Instead, you responded like a child and treated her exactly how you hate being treated. Don’t become the thing you hate.
nope, don’t dish it if you can’t take it🤷🏽
Do you live with these people? Does your mother ever shut it down?
Move out and move on. Maybe write an email about all the things your older sister did to you and how it is now influencing your younger siblings and express that you fear for any children your sister may have and the possibility of her abusing them too. Send it to her fiance and then block everyone in your family. Your mom and dad should have handled this a long time ago. They failed you all. Nta
NTA . Bullies need to be slapped down even if the slapping is verbal.
NTA – only way to stop a bully is to stand up to them. This is an effective strategy, use it only when she attacks you first.