I’m 33F and have a twin brother 33M – our mom is 64F. My twin brother is married to his wife 33F & they’ve been married for a couple of years. They are trying for kids and have had a couple of miscarriages. I’m unmarried but have a boyfriend 32M of over a year and we are serious / live together.
My mom keeps making remarks to me about “don’t get knocked up” yet since she’d “like to enjoy some of her retirement first” in a very nasty tone. She also makes comments to me about my brother and his wife, saying to me that they “better not expect her to babysit” & “don’t expect her to pay for IVF”. Meanwhile ironically my mom is very Catholic and outwardly to people very nice / traditional.
Oh also no one (neither myself nor my brother) ever rely on her financially or ever ask her for money – she’s even the brokest of her siblings and her parents have been dead for decades. In fact, both my brother and I are doing pretty decently for our age meanwhile she is actually pretty broke ironically. I co-signed her first home when I was 24 years old.
Does anyone have experience with a bitter baby boomer who’s not a grandma & how to handle / what it means when they’re just uselessly nasty like that? How do I stop her shitty attitude from getting to me?
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“Don’t worry mom, I’d never leave my kids around you. I want them to like me when they grow up.”
If you choose to have kids, don’t expect her to be an involved grandparent.
Tell her not a worry about you guys asking her to do anything with a grandkid. You won’t even tell her when you have a kid. She sounds awful i wouldnt want her near my kids to poison them
“I’d like to enjoy some of my retirement first”
Don’t worry, mum, you can enjoy all of your retirement, I wouldn’t dream of asking you to babysit
“Better not expect me to pay for IVF”
Don’t worry, mum, bro and sil are doing really well for themselves, I’m sure they wouldn’t dream of asking you for financial help
Ad infinitum. Just assuage her fears in the most blunt, perhaps passive-aggressive, way.
I feel like so many millennial-aged people follow the same sad story dealing with these viciously nasty boomer parents. It always follows a pattern.
>How do I stop her shitty attitude from getting to me?
You… drop the rope. Stop communicating with someone who treats you poorly and says nothing but negative nasty things to you, because you don’t deserve to be treated that way, and continuing to endure that abuse is signifying to the world that you believe you deserve to be treated like that.
I’m 41F and honestly, it’s so freeing. And calm. And quiet.
Tell her that if you have kids, they will call her aunt.
People like this hate other’s joy. Flip it around on her and overwhelm her bitterness with excitement. “Oh, we love babies so much, we can’t wait to have our own!” Or “I can’t wait til (brother and SIL) have kids! What do you think their naming style is like?” When she says “don’t expect me to babysit” say “Oh don’t worry, we have a long list of people who can’t wait to babysit!” And just smile and walk away. Don’t let her get to you.
Be pleasant, but recognize your mom for the shallow, self-absorbed person she is, and distance yourself accordingly.
Are you still on her mortgage?
>better not expect me to babysit
Hahaha, youre funny. Dont worry, they’d never ask you to babysit.
Seriously. Laugh like what she said was intended to be a joke because its wild she thinks yall think she even has the means to provide. You guys know she can’t provide funds or childcare so why would you even ask? Lmao.
I would minimize contact with her. If she complains she doesn’t see you or you don’t talk as often, explain you’ve come to realize how nasty and negative her comments are, and you’re choosing to surround yourself with positive people who bring value to your life. If she gasps, complains, denies, etc., just hand her a piece of paper with quotes she has said over time for her to reflect on. Don’t speak. Just let her reflect. If she continues her sputter, say you stand by what you said and if she can’t change then she’ll see you and hear from you far less than she did.
“Why would I expose my kids to you? I’ll actually like them”
You know you don’t owe her anything, right? She is not entitled to use you as an emotional punching bag.
I wouldn’t share info about the pregnancies or births of any children you and brother may have, don’t tell her a word. When she finds out someday somehow, tell her you didn’t want to bother her.
I wouldn’t share info about the pregnancies or births of any children you and brother may have, don’t tell her a word. When she finds out someday somehow, tell her you didn’t want to bother her.