So the other night my friend dropped me off after work. My partner was home and my friend asked if she could come inside and hang out. I said yes of course. We laughed and chatted for about 20 min then I stated to get a bit tired and wanted time alone with my partner. My partner is very blunt but also jokes a lot and said, “Well it’s been good!” Which may have came off as “get the hell out.”
My friend gathered her things and I knew it was kind of harsh for my partner to say that. (And yes we all get along) So I tried to soften the blow by telling by cracking a joke or two about how we may get intimate when my friend left indicating we just wanted alone time, which I even said as well. We all hugged and things seemed okay.
Then my friend texted when I tried to call saying she was upset. She did not want to talk. The next day she sent me messages saying she upset at the way it was communicated and that I gave her mixed signals. My partner apologized in a message but my friend doesn’t feel it was sincere because of how it was worded. Honestly it feels like it’s getting blown up. I told my friend I acknowledge and can see why it hurt her feelings. My friend says she respects our time alone and that it wasn’t an issue, I just should have been more clear on how long we wanted her there.
Maybe I’m being mean, but part of me feels like the root issue is her fear of being alone. I understand she felt rejected and the way my partner said it may have came off rude rather than jokingly. My friend hates being alone and admits to monopolizing my time sometimes but I feel like there’s more going on.
She also says she feels like I don’t give her the same energy when it comes to our friendship. I don’t know if that’s true or not. Maybe I don’t? Lately I’ve been very overwhelmed with life and I even told her in our texts that maybe that’s why it comes off that way. Perhaps I am a jerk but do I really need to inform her of why I do everything? Perhaps I’m just bad at paying attention to others feelings when I barely have space for my own. Just kind of feels weird for me to apologize. I understand in a friendship I’m not the only one with needs and boundaries. Or perhaps I don’t want to admit I am wrong or that my partner was wrong.
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So the other night my friend dropped me off after work. My partner was home and my friend asked if she could come inside and hang out. I said yes of course. We laughed and chatted for about 20 min then I stated to get a bit tired and wanted time alone with my partner. My partner is very blunt but also jokes a lot and said, “Well it’s been good!” Which may have came off as “get the hell out.”
My friend gathered her things and I knew it was kind of harsh for my partner to say that. (And yes we all get along) So I tried to soften the blow by telling by cracking a joke or two about how we may get intimate when my friend left indicating we just wanted alone time, which I even said as well. We all hugged and things seemed okay.
Then my friend texted when I tried to call saying she was upset. She did not want to talk. The next day she sent me messages saying she upset at the way it was communicated and that I gave her mixed signals. My partner apologized in a message but my friend doesn’t feel it was sincere because of how it was worded. Honestly it feels like it’s getting blown up. I told my friend I acknowledge and can see why it hurt her feelings. My friend says she respects our time alone and that it wasn’t an issue, I just should have been more clear on how long we wanted her there.
Maybe I’m being mean, but part of me feels like the root issue is her fear of being alone. I understand she felt rejected and the way my partner said it may have came off rude rather than jokingly. My friend hates being alone and admits to monopolizing my time sometimes but I feel like there’s more going on.
She also says she feels like I don’t give her the same energy when it comes to our friendship. I don’t know if that’s true or not. Maybe I don’t? Lately I’ve been very overwhelmed with life and I even told her in our texts that maybe that’s why it comes off that way. Perhaps I am a jerk but do I really need to inform her of why I do everything? Perhaps I’m just bad at paying attention to others feelings when I barely have space for my own. Just kind of feels weird for me to apologize. I understand in a friendship I’m not The only one with needs and boundaries. Or perhaps I don’t want to admit it wrong.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for not giving my friend more clear instructions on how long I wanted them to stay..Should I have thought more about it? Should I have called my partner out for what they said?
My friend thinks I’m not considering her feelings due to her personal trauma from rejection.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Soft YTA. If you were tired and didn’t really want her there, just say no. I’d feel embarrassed too if I’d literally just asked my friend if I could come in for a bit and then found myself thrown out by their partner after I’d barely had a chance to sit down and take my coat off. It’s okay to say no if you’re tired and overwhelmed and just want to chill with your partner!
NTA You didnt do anything wrong with wanting some alone time with ur bf, and you didnt even communicate it rudely.
The amount of time of how long people want to hangout with eachother varies very much from person to person. I had one friend whod get annoyed if i tried to leave before 5h of hanging out, and then have another friend who i did just quick 30 min hangouts sometimes. Your friend is probably more like the first example and was expecting a longer hangout, but then you cut it short. So yeah she probably would have gotten annoyed no matter how u communicated it.
YTA, both you and your partner.
Come inside and hang out means longer than 20 mins then go away. If you were tired then you should have said so and made plans for another time. Cracking jokes on top of your partner’s abruptly essentially saying get out was probably obvious and condescending.
And your partner was rude, and should apologise in person. Even over text it’s not hard to word an apology sincerely and I note you didn’t say what he wrote, which is sus.
Whether you think she’s overreacting or not you did give mixed messages and you were rude on top. Admit you were a bad friend and apologise properly (both of you).
NTA
People who invite themselves into your home deserve to be told when to leave. It is only common courtesy that one doesn’t invite oneself into the home of a couple just around dinner time. That is first class rude.
NTA
>My partner apologized in a message but my friend doesn’t feel it was sincere because of how it was worded.
Info: How was it worded – exactly word for word.
Your boyfriend was extremely rude, especially since she just gave you a lift.. then you saying you wanna have sex is supposed to be abs hilarious and make it all as if it didn’t happen, even as she’s still in the process of buggering off as directed.
Then some kind of psychologising last paragraph that’s supposed to render you and boyfriend NTA.
If I was her I would be cutting the lifts out (screw being rudely shushed off once I’ve served my purpose) and would be rethinking the friendship since you’re making it out that she’s the problem.
YTA.
NTA.
I’m kind of shocked at the amount of YTAs on here.
I said in a different comment that I’m a bit on the spectrum, so I know that if I’m expecting something from someone it’s best to communicate my expectations that way they don’t unintentionally disappoint me.
My biggest question is, what was she expecting? like, genuinely how much time did she feel was appropriate?
Second question, what if your partner didn’t feel like hanging and you didn’t know that before? that still seems like a reasonable reason to end the hang earlier.
ESH… You worded her being able to visit in such a way that implied more time spent together while knowing that she has been craving more time with you and has expressed to you that she feels like you are withdrawing from the relationship- you also knew your partner phrased things in a way that could be interpreted as rude and instead of clarifying or apologizing, made somewhat inappropriate jokes that seemed to imply that you were kicking your friend out to get laid… which definitely doesn’t soften the blow.
At the same time…. your friend does need to respect your space. I feel like a lot of this would’ve been avoided with better communication, and I think you may need to assess your personal feelings regarding this friend as this post has a hint of malice in it; I am not saying that you dislike this friend, but it seems like you may be building some variety of resentment due to her clingy behavior combined with already feeling overwhelmed.
NTA. You weren’t planning her to visit you before she dropped you off, so you didn’t have the responsibility to entertain her longer than you felt like it, or to know in advance how long it’s going to be before you’re out of steam/want to do something else.
Maybe less joking about something that might be hurtful for her (justifiably or not) would be a good idea, but I don’t even think either of you have anything to apologize for. You could still tell her you’re sorry, in the non-apology sense.
I think she wanted to join in on the alone time
So shes single and you basically said “Get out WE are going to FUCk ha ha ha bye” after she gave you a lift home
YTA, your BF is worse but you need to work on your common courtesy towards guests, especially after you BF didnt have to get off his arse and go get you…..?
NTA. Your friend is clingy and needy and is using you as her emotional support animal. Start being less and less available. Don’t invite her in after work. Just say, “No, I’m going to be quiet.” If she pushes, add, “Alone.” Don’t be with her every weekend. You will be helping her to learn how to navigate her emotional problems herself.
You don’t need to apologize. She was the one not picking up on your tiredness; only your boyfriend was. Or maybe she did see that you were getting tired and decided to put her needs above yours.
Your friend is just looking to make drama. Why else would she try to nitpick how he worded his apology?
NTA – if she doesn’t want to feel alone then she needs to stop being spiky and mean spirited.
Soft YTA, jokes are always a bad idea. You didn’t set a boundary, you relied on a yoke that was in poor taste. Come right out and say “Sorry I’m cutting our conversation short and pushing you out but I’m kind of tired and we need to make plans for dinner.” Going forward set a real boundary in advance. Examples: “Sure you can come in for 30 minutes. Then I have some tasks I need to attend to.” “Yes you can visit until my husband comes home.” Those are clear boundaries and gives her a clear benchmark for when you expect her to go.
YTA – she said she wanted to come and hang out. That, to me, would not indicate a 20 minute visit. That’s why your friend said it was mixed signals. You basically said sure, you want to hang, and then kicked her out after a super short period of time. I would also be irritated.
Next time, be clear about your expectations ahead of time so everyone knows what’s up. “I’d love to hang, but I really only have about 20-30 minutes left in my tank. I’d love to see you for a quick chat, but if you wanted to hang longer let’s make plans for another day.”
YTA.
You might not have intended offense, but you offended. It costs you nothing to apologize, and word it in such a way as to let your friend know they matter to you. In doing so, you could also discuss how to avoid any confusion/misunderstandings about this kind of thing in the future
To me “blunt” almost always means “asshole”. That being said she probably does feel abandoned a bit – friendships always change after one person gets in a relationship.
YTA, she asks to hang out, you say yes. Then immediately kick her out so you can fuck.
Do you not see how rude that is?
The root issue here is that you and your partner were really rude. He dismisses her on your behalf and then you pander to that along the lines of oh yeah, you need to leave so we can have sex right now and don’t see the issue with that? 20 mins is nothing if you’ve invited someone to hang out, it’s barely time to make a coffee and drink it. YTA.
YTA. If I ask to come in and hang out and you say yes, that typically implies longer than 20 minutes. That was on you, you should have just said no.
Your partner was then incredibly rude to say it like that. You could have easily said “I know I said we could hang, but I’m getting tired and just want to unwind. Can we plan when to see each other next?” You’re right that he basically framed it like gtfo.
INFO: Is your friend close to your partner? Are they friends in their own right? Because if they have the sort of close friendship where they are just really blunt to each other, then that’s one thing, but if not, he was just super rude for no reason.
Is he incapable of talking politely like an adult?
Because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying no to someone asking to come in.
Absolutely nothing wrong with saying ‘We can hang out for a little bit, then I have stuff to do.’
Absolutely nothing wrong with saying ‘Hey I know I said I was down for hanging out but I’m getting tired, can we pick this up another time?’ or ‘It’s been a long day, I think we’re gonna start getting dinner started-‘
So why, when all those options were available, did you decide that ‘Of course we can hang out! :D’ and then having your partner tell her to go in the most abrupt, blunt way ever almost immediately after, was the best option?
If you don’t want to hang out with her, just don’t hang out with her, don’t play games and then decide it’s all her fault.
No my partner is not super close with my friend but we all make these kinds of jokes with each other all the time. She will tell my partner crazy stuff all the time that would be offensive to most.
I guess I should add I ended up telling the friend that I acknowledged they were upset and that it probably wasn’t communicated well that night. And that their feelings are valid. The problem is, I still don’t FEEL wrong. It’s hard for me to tell because I have issues with empathy sometimes due to trauma. So it’s interesting to see everyone’s perspectives.
My guess is when she asked to hang out you felt obligated to say yes. Based on everything you say at the end about her saying you don’t put enough effort into the relationship. Etc.
I’m going against the grain to say NTA. Mostly because I think it sounds like there’s a bigger issue at play here. Namely that she is trying to make her inability to be alone your problem. I don’t know exactly how old you are but there is a transition time in adulthood where friends are marrying/partnering and if you aren’t it can feel lonely or hard to know how to fit in. But that’s her issue to solve with herself. You are allowed to want time alone with your partner at the end of the day.
You should’ve handled it better, namely, told her no when she asked to come in. Her feelings were hurt. But my guess is it’s about more than this one moment. She has a fear that she needs you but you don’t NEED her anymore. And look, I’ve been there. I empathize with her. But I also found a lot more peace and happiness in life when I stopped putting my own joy and happiness on other people as their responsibility.
It sounds like you need to have a conversation with her about expectations. You want to be friends but you don’t want to have to feel guilty when you want to be alone with your partner. She doesn’t get to make you feel bad about that. But you also need to find a better way to communicate your needs clearly. Jokes about sex probably aren’t it. Good luck!
NAH.
When you said yes to your friend coming inside to hang out, you probably thought you had more energy than you actually did. I don’t think you were trying to maliciously make your friend feel bad by having her come inside just so you could kick her out.
While a lot of people here are acting as though you ushered her through the door only for your partner to usher her right back out, that’s very obviously not what happened. The two of you spent 20 minutes together joking around, which, for an unplanned hangout right after the two of you got done with an 8-hour work day before either of you had dinner, many would consider long enough.
Your partner probably shouldn’t have been the one to imply it was time for her to leave, it should have been you who did that. However, it appears that you don’t have much of a backbone when it comes to this friend and if your boyfriend hadn’t stepped in, you’d have just let her keep going.
Now, could he have been nicer about it? Sure, but he could have been a whole lot worse too. He chose to let her know that it was time to wrap things up in the same way many people would, there was nothing inherently rude about it. Had he told her, “we don’t want you here. Leave.” That would have been rude.
Your friend is within her right to be upset about the situation. Whether or not you and your partner meant to hurt her feelings, you both did. She was a big enough person to tell you that, but you haven’t been a big enough person to apologize for hurting her.
Imagine it this way: if you’d been telling a story to your boyfriend, made a sweeping gesture, and in the process smacked her in the face, would you apologize for hurting her or would you claim it feels weird to have to apologize because it’s not like you meant to hit her?
You need to apologize. Your partner should apologize and mean it. And you should have a conversation with your friend to set expectations for situations like this in the future.
Yeah, no need to make it something bigger than it is. Just be direct next time and just say what you mean. 99% of problems vanish if you do that!
NTA
>My partner is very blunt but also jokes a lot
>My partner apologized in a message but my friend doesn’t feel it was sincere because of how it was worded.
I’m sensing a theme here…
ESH. Personally, I would never ask to be invited into someone’s home like your friend did. That’s just weird to me. Your partner was rude in how they dismissed your friend. It sounds like it would come across as sarcastic. You making sex jokes to try to make the situation better (?) was weird and I can’t see how it would ever help in that situation. Your friend is overreacting though. Your partner apologised. This isn’t something that should be that big a deal. She should have just accepted the apology for your partner’s rudeness and, if it was me, I’d have apologised if I’d overstayed my welcome, and then everyone can move on. So none of you have covered yourself in glory, but it really shouldn’t be that big of a deal.
NTA. It sounds like she knows she takes up too much of your time but doesn’t know where the ‘limit’ is, and she took your partner’s blunt statement to mean “you should know you’re outstaying your welcome” rather than “we’re tired, let’s part ways for the night”.
NTA because to a non-insecure person this would be such a minor issue that raising a fuss wouldn’t be appropriate, or at the very least an apology should be enough (unless this is a consistent pattern)- and from what you’ve said you honestly try to accommodate her anxieties and slipped.
Info: what did your partner say that makes them feel they were being insincere? Were they being insincere?
NTA I feel like people saying YTA don’t understand basic social interactions. It’s not crazy to invite someone in just for a quick chat, and it seems your partner wasn’t being very serious or rude. They already apologized and your friend seems to be making this a much larger issue than needed.
These were impromptu plans why is everyone acting like you are obligated to spend a certain amount of time??
NAH, but as a more sensitive person I would be embarrassed thinking I missed a sign or clue that you didn’t really want me there. Some people are just different and beating around the bush makes me nervous I missed something. Just be direct. Say, ‘yeah I have about 15 minutes probably’ if you don’t want her to stay long
YTA..She dropped you off…meaning she drove you…so you just used her for the ride…and then said yes, and then kicked her out…Why did your boyfriend not pick you up since he is sooo special.
No. Your friend needs help with her boundaries & self esteem. Not your problem.
I’m gonna go with NAH. Only because while she’s not entitled to your time and space it’s weird that you said she could come in and hang out, but then tell her to go after 20 minutes. That’s weird and confusing and I don’t blame her for feeling put off by it.
YTA – your boyfriend is more than you, but seriously why can’t people just say what they mean? I’m a Midwesterner, and I’m so tired of the passive aggressive jokes that aren’t jokes.
I almost went with everyone sux because your friend felt they got missed signals when they invited themselves? Weird.
How hard is it to just apologize? You hurt your best friend’s feelings, period. Assuming you weren’t intentionally trying to hurt her, you need to apologize because apparently you did so. It’s not that complicated!
YTA because she asked to hang out and you said yes. 15/20 minutes isn’t long enough to be “hanging out,” especially when the hangout is intentional. That’s a short “chat for a couple of minutes.” You cut the time short and sent her the message through your actions that you didn’t actually want to hang out at all.
NTA but I think your friend is. You however should have told her no when she asked to come in if you really didn’t want her there. Or state at the beginning yeah you can come in but not for long, I’m kind of tired. People who invite themselves in are rude, in my opinion, & set themselves up for heartache. My sister once invited herself to go to a concert with me & a friend then got all butthurt when I told her no. I’ll never understand why people just don’t say no in the first place. And if someone shows up at my house uninvited I have no problem telling them you need to go now.
YTA you and your partner were both rude and now you are playing victim to escape accountability. She asked if she could come in. You should have just said no or said you would be going to bed soon, but could visit for a few minutes. Your partner didn’t need to be involved at all. You indicated she should leave. What was the purpose of the partner adding to it? If your jokes make the recipient feel bad, then you aren’t funny. You’re just mean.
YTA and so is your S/O also your an even BIGGER ass for trying to blame you and your jackass bf’s rudeness on your friend being afraid of being alone or some bullshit?!? Lol…wtf is that!! seriously???
Soft YTA. Just apologize, and remember next time if you only want her or someone to come hang out for 10 minutes because you’re tired, tell them that up front. That’s a better less painful way to set a boundary. If she’s still not accepting of apologies at that point, then that’s on her.
Soft YTA. Just apologize, and remember next time if you only want her or someone to come hang out for 10 minutes because you’re tired, tell them that up front. That’s a better less painful way to set a boundary. If she’s still not accepting of apologies at that point, then that’s on her.
Your friend is an asshole and you are an asshole.
You and your friend both recognize that she monopolizes your time. Surely, your partner also knows that this is true.
Despite this, you allowed yourself to be guilted into allowing her to hang out. You didn’t say yes because you wanted her to come inside, but because you were too cowardly to tell her no.
Meanwhile, you never ran this by your partner and just came back from work with your friend in tow.
After a twenty minute conversation, you didn’t suddenly become more tired than you had been just minutes before. You didn’t suddenly want to spend alone time with your partner.
You never wanted her to come over in the first place.
You were too chicken shit to tell her no when she asked to come in, and you were too chicken shit to tell her to leave twenty minutes later.
Instead, your partner had to do what you refused to do.
The words your partner spoke weren’t exactly rude, but depending on tone, it could have ranged from being to being perfectly innocent.
But, ultimately, your partner’s tone isn’t the issue.
The issue lies with your pushy friend who monopolizes your time and with you who can’t tell her no.
You two are the assholes.
Your partner is fine.
“We’ll, it’s been good…” It seems like a perfectly good way to suggest that it’s time for guests to leave. It might have been better if you had spoken up yourself to say you were tired and ready for bed. You dont owe your guests a detailed explanation of your actual plans after they leave, saying ,”its time for me to get to bed” is just a social code for “you need to leave now.”
If this person is your best friend, then really any version of “this has been fun, but go home now” should really be just fine. There are no magic words.
YTA. I wouldn’t consider 20 mins a hangout sesh and passive aggressive jokes aren’t cool. I would’ve given it at least an hour and then directly told her you’re tired and want to go relax. Why is your partner even jumping in? Just apologize for the miscommunication and move on.
What are your ages? How long have you been friends? How long have you been with, also living with your partner?
ESH
You have resentment. There’s a lot of mis/non-communication going on from you, but you seem to want to be right (speaking of your desire to not apologize) instead of a good friend. She has some boundary issues & may feel abandoned by you or displaced by your relationship with your partner. And these feelings are heightened by the way you treat her, also not being very open about yourself, your feelings, etc.
Some self-reflection, humilty, apologies, openness, and forgiveness is needed if this friendship is going to survive.
ESH. You and your BF need to learn to communicate properly instead of hiding behind jokes. Her because she’s codependent on you and not dealing with it. She wants to monopolize all of your time.
You need firm clear boundaries with her and they need to be communicated clearly up front. And stop using jokes to hide your discomfort.
I know that my comment will not be popular but, here it is. You said the friend is lonely, does she have any mental health issues that feed into this? She is using you as a source of companionship which she may not necessarily be entitled to since you are with someone else. Does she take social cues well, can she “read the room”. Most people give off pretty good signs that it might be time to leave before saying anything out loud. Maybe the friend just missed them. Are you her only friend, if so, she would do well to cultivate some others just so she always has someone to hang with to keep from being lonely and doesn’t become burdensome to any of them.
As the friend invited herself in without notice to your partner, the partner might have had other plans for the evening and suddenly having an unexpected guest might have caught her off guard. Especially so if this is or has become a regular thing for the friend to do.
I can’t really say who is the AH here but, I can fully understand how a situation like this could have prompted the reaction from your partner and without being there, there is no way know who was wrong. Don’t always assume that you are guilty, sometimes shit just happens.
YTA. Of course she felt rejected and probably also embarrassed, since it became clear she was overstaying her welcome without realizing it. She doesn’t have a crystal ball. You two should discuss your different communication styles and apologize that you aren’t always good at being direct. Next time give a heads up, if you’re not comfortable being direct something like “I’ve probably got about ten minutes before I have to go get ready for bed” or even when she first comes in “yeah come in! I do have plans at x time though”
She always talks about every time she has a friend gets in a relationship things change. Yes she has mental health issues. And we both do. And she admits to being selfish with my time.
Soft YTA
You shouldn’t invite your friend up if you aren’t prepared or aren’t planning on spending a lot of time with her. she isn’t entitled to your time but she is your friend, 20 minutes isn’t a lot of visitation time and that probably could have been an after work car conversation or something. Inviting up tends to give the implication that they might be there for at least an hour. Stay outside or in the car and chat for a while if you’re planning on keeping it brief.
Your boyfriend was rude. Sorry. There are plenty of polite ways to indicate or let someone know it’s time to go. Making up a fake reason is a lot more polite than just essentially telling her to kick rocks. Any time I hear someone being excused as blunt it’s telling that they were unnecessarily harsh
Unless your friend has outright expressed loneliness or how she feels about being without partner I wouldn’t try to psychoanalyze her. With that being said she probably should have picked up on the first queue you gave to leave. Though I don’t blame her for being caught off guard and uncomfortable after being there for so little time. If you feel like maybe she’s monopolizing your time it wouldn’t hurt to put up more boundaries and limit how much of your free time you give to her. Also sometimes it’s okay to make up small lies to friends or people if you want to leave a social situation. “We have other plans” “we gotta run to the store” etc. i feel like our society has gotten a little too comfortable with thinking we don’t owe anything to our friends or people we are close to, it’s harmless to avoid hurting her feeling and making up a reason why she can’t stay rather than tell her you want to be alone.
NTAH in this situation if you ask me. I don’t think you guys are as close as either of you think tbh. Idk if my BF’s partner is home I always offer to leave every half hour or so and if they insist I stay I know I’m good and if they don’t it’s time to leave.
It can be really hard after a long day especially when your partner isn’t feeling it, to have a friend who’s likely to stay for hours if you guys don’t say something. That’s why I see it as a 50/50 responsibility on both parties to manage it. The host should make it clear what their limits are but the guest should also check in so no one feels rude or awkward since the host is the one expected to be gracious.
I understand why she feels hurt and rejected but I don’t think either of you did anything wrong really. Certainly you can reassure her within reason that you guys love having her over and apologise that she felt unwanted in your home as that’s not what you want. I would’ve said something like ‘I’m sorry if that made you feel a bit awkward, bf is sorry too it wasn’t his intention and he’s messaged you as-well, we were both just pretty tired and ready for downtime. Love having you over though and it was so much fun, let’s plan to do it again on a day we have more energy’
Or invite her over for one on one time when your bf has other plans.
NTA. I don’t think your partner was rude either. Your friend seems to be strangely needy. Does she have a thing for you?
YTA
Nah. She is way out of pocket.
She’s not a friend. She want more.
You invited your friend to hang out then kicked her out to have sex.
What?
NTA.
NTA. Definitely feels like your friend is taking things very harshly because she is lonely. And by saying your partners apology didn’t seem sincere, I wonder what kind of apology would’ve been enough given that she called it a miscommunication in the first place. That feels nitpicky. I also wonder if she is neurodivergent because of her wanting an actual set amount of time she was supposed to stay. I feel like there’s social cues that she missed. She asked to hang, but didn’t specify how long either. Maybe have a conversation with her about how that should’ve gone ideally in her brain. Lastly, your comment about wanting to have sex with with your partner once your friend leaves is weird as hell on the surface without knowing the dynamic between you three.
Soft YTA. Imo, the amount of time she was there doesn’t matter and I don’t know why everyone’s focusing on that.
But your partner sounds really rude. Did she just say “well it’s been good!” out of nowhere? Like you were talking and everything was going fine and your partner just suddenly says that? Because that’s what it sounds like and that’s a mean way to do it.
You should have led into it by saying that you’re tired and need to get to bed soon and that your friend for the ride and walk her to the door
YTA. If someone asks you to ‘come inside’, that usually means at least an hour – you sit down, you give them a cup of coffee or tea, and you spend time with them and chat. The expectation is that you have time to spend with them.
If you only wanted for them to stay 15 or 20 minutes, you should have set expectations when you told her she could stay. ‘Hey, if you want to come in and say hi to my partner, you’re welcome, but we can’t host very long time as I’ve got other things to do today!’ would have been a great thing to say to manage the situation.
NTA. It’s not you. Some people are needy and overly sensitive when they hear something they would rather not hear, and it looks like she’s one of them. Wants more care and attention than a regular friend would expect from you.
There’s really no super-sensitive way to tell someone it’s time for their visit to be over. You don’t say your ages, but she seems to not have enough social awareness to know she’s been there long enough in an after-work situation. I wouldn’t let it bother me – she’ll get over it. Maybe you could work out a signal so that next time she picks up on a hint from you.