Me ( F18) and my bf (M18) have been dating for almost 7 months, and we love each other to death. But since we started dating, he absolutely hates it when I wear fishnets. He won’t even talk to me when I wear a pair. I wear them for style and I personally think they look rad with my outfits, and he thinks I dress for other people, and that they’re going to stare at me. He is very overprotective. Lately, I’ve been wanting to get more tights/pantyhose’s to wear because it’s going to get cold in the winter, and they’re cute. He fully encouraged it, so I was happy. I bought a pair with a floral pattern on them, they are black and very pretty. I wear them the next day, and he doesn’t want to talk to me. He says they’re “glorified fishnets” because they have flowers on them. Im very upset, because they are literally tights that don’t have holes in them. And he’s encouraged me to buy a pair, but he’s upset at me because they’re not plain. Am I the asshole? I feel like I’m going crazy.
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Me ( F18) and my bf (M18) have been dating for almost 7 months, and we love each other to death. But since we started dating, he absolutely hates it when I wear fishnets. He won’t even talk to me when I wear a pair. I wear them for style and I personally think they look rad with my outfits, and he thinks I dress for other people, and that they’re going to stare at me. He is very overprotective. Lately, I’ve been wanting to get more tights/pantyhose’s to wear because it’s going to get cold in the winter, and they’re cute. He fully encouraged it, so I was happy. I bought a pair with a floral pattern on them, they are black and very pretty. I wear them the next day, and he doesn’t want to talk to me. He says they’re “glorified fishnets” because they have flowers on them. Im very upset, because they are literally tights that don’t have holes in them. And he’s encouraged me to buy a pair, but he’s upset at me because they’re not plain. Am I the asshole? I feel like I’m going crazy.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have worn fishnets as an accessory to my wardrobe for years, and my boyfriend thinks I’m an asshole/gross for wearing them, because he thinks I just want attention from other men.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
He’s not overprotective. He’s overbearing and controlling. You wear what you want. Hes TAH.
NTA he’s trying to control you, and him pouting when you wear what you want is manipulative AF. You’re young, it’s easy enough to find someone who appreciates you for who you are.
NTA. He’s being very controlling.
NTA
also not talking to you because of how you dress is just childish
Do you want to be with someone who is always trying to control you? It’s one thing for him to say he doesn’t like what you are wearing, but him not talking to you is emotional manipulation. He’s trying to get you to bend to his will by ignoring you. Is that how you want your relationship to be?
So controlling. He’s not good to be around.
NTA. He’s not overprotective, he’s possessive and controlling.
Good grief. Are you sure you want to be with this guy??? What a jerk. You’re definitely NTA.
Let him go.
Or let the style go…
Whichever is less important to you.
NTA.
What? If you’re fighting about what you put on your legs what’s next? Your earrings? You are not the AH but if you stay with this cretin you may be leaning that way
Do not let this boy stifle your creative urges around how you dress. It’s completely inappropriate that his moods depend on what you have on your legs. Do not, do not cater to this ridiculous control. He needs to manage his own feelings and stop disrespecting YOU and your bodily autonomy. If he can’t do that, he doesn’t deserve to be your boyfriend.
Overprotective? No, that’s controlling.
NTA and DTMFA. This guy will whittle you down to a nub. Get out while you still can.
Dump him! Go with someone who is fun & supports all u are!
NT-fuckin-A. Good goddess, this guy is insanely insecure and controlling. Dump him and wear whatever the hell you like
NTA- he’s insecure. Drop the bf and buy more fishnets. Hell, I’m letting my daughter wear my old fishnets because I bought new ones for myself they are fun!
Tbh being “overprotective” is a huge red flag. It usually stems from distrust and a need to control. He’s allowed to have opinions on what you wear but if he’s a decent man he’ll keep them to himself unless it’s to tell you you look beautiful
You’re only 18. Ditch this loser.
NTA.
First it’s the fishnets, then it’s the footwear, the tops with lower necklines, and the form-fitting clothing…
… then it’s the male friends, the makeup, the social events, the female friends …
… and before you know it you’ve been isolated, with nobody to tell you he is being abusive –
by nagging, negging, giving you the silent treatment, love-bombing,
and then
alternately shouting, gesticulating, and punching walls; and then apologising and saying he does it because he loves you and it was your fault anyway, you make him do these things…
Do not give in to this – to him – one inch. Your style sounds fabulous and it is who you are. He is trying to change that, and the chances are good that he won’t stop while you are a couple.
He will not stop being abusive.
Is that what you want?
Edited: punctuation; clarity
NTA. He’s too controlling, cut him loose.
Yall don’t love each other to death.. you’re just young, naive and full of love in general. That man is controlling and probably even a bit insecure.
Red flags are flying. NTA.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a controlling, insecure jackass. That’s not protective, it’s possessive, and possessiveness is not permissible in a healthy relationship. You’re not his property and you don’t need his permission to dress how you want.
NTA he is very insecure if he is worried about other people looking at you. People will look, it’s not a valid reason to be jealous.
Being your BF does not entitle him to control how the world interacts with you, nor how you interact with the world.
NTA lol your boyfriend is showing insecure and controlling behavior
That might be the extent of it, but generally it’s a good red flag that he’ll be a lot worse as the relationship progresses. Ignoring you as a form of ‘punishment’ because you’re not doing what he wants is toxic manipulative behavior and is only likely to get worse if you respond to it.
You deserve better. Guys like this don’t usually change easily either.
nta. Tell him you hate that he doesn’t wear fishnets, and that it makes you angry that he won’t do it for you. Because if he really loved you, he’d dress just for you, not for himself and other people, right?
NTA, you need to have a good conversation with him about this. If you avoid it for too long it’s just going to get worse and worse. If he’s unable to budge and he continues to be this insecure/controlling, you might have to bite the bullet and dump him. You might regret it at first considering you love him “to death.” But if he’s willing to pull this over something as small as leggings/fishnets, it can literally only get worse. good luck girl
NTA. He’s insecure and controlling which are bad separately but major red flags together. Do yourself a favor and level up on caliber of boyfriend.
He’s emotionally manipulating you by ignoring you. He’s incapable of controlling his own over-sexualizing and objectifying of women, and is projecting that onto other men.
He’s showing you who he is, what he prioritizes, and how he communicates. Your instinct to question him is valid. Read up on abusive relationships so you know the signs.
NTA
NTA. Wear what you want. People here keep saying red flag, but the reality is you’re both basically children. He doesn’t know any better so educate him. Tell him you’re going to wear what you want and if he has a problem with it you’ll leave him in the dust.
NTA. His behavior is infantile and unacceptable. This is controlling behavior. What if you really needed his help, but he isn’t speaking or responding to you due to wearing fishnets – I hope this sounds completely ridiculous, which is how he is behaving. This is the hill to die on.
This guy is way too controlling. Not worth it. Buy the fishnets, lose the boy. Be yourself and don’t let some guy try to diminish you.
NTA. Him policing your clothing is not ok. He needs to learn to respect your choices or start dating someone whose clothing preferences match his better.
He’s not “over protective”. He’s controlling. He wants to control what you wear, for now. He’ll move on to trying to control who you have as friends, who you speak to in the grocery store, even where you work. It will never end because men like him are jealous and insecure.
NTA, but run, don’t walk away from this relationship.
NTA
If you have to change how you express yourself to make this guy happy, maybe consider finding a guy who likes the way you express yourself.
Ignoring you as punishment, only talking to you when he likes your clothes, permission to wear leggings… your boyfriend sounds like he’s on the road to become controlling and abusive. I would get away from the situation but also talk to a trusted adult in his life so they can get him back on the right track without you being involved.
Your safety comes first and second. Everything else comes third.
NTA, you deserve someone who respects you more than this. “Overprotective” is a slippery slope to overpossessive. Leave, you are only just getting started at life. Someone out there will happily project your rad outfits instead of trying to dim your light.
NTA
He is wrong on so many levels. “Overprotective” is not correctly used here; there is nothing for you to be protected from except his insecurity. The word that you are looking for is “domineering”.
It doesn’t matter why you wear them. It doesn’t matter if you dress for other people (he means men, but realizes that sounds bad, so he says “people”). It doesn’t matter if people stare at you; they won’t but it wouldn’t matter if they did.
Please allow me to translate: “I am insecure. I don’t like it when you get attention from men, so I’m pretending that fishnets are the issue. You know that this is a ruse, because now I’ve taken issue with non-fishnets. Rest assuredly, this is just the beginning. The more that you buckle under my ridiculous restraints on your self-expression, the more that I will do it. Soon I will seek to dictate your friends, how you spend your time away from me (and the amount of it) and eventually every aspect of your life. It’s not about clothes, it’s about me feeling free to subjugate your sexuality under the guise of “protecting” you, although you don’t need it.”
Red flag deluxe
NTA at all. He is controlling and it will bleed to more and more things
NTA. Dump him. Yesterday.
NTA. If my daughter (close to your age) told me this I would tell her to dump him. He’s insecure and controlling. This won’t end up well for you.
NTA- He’s being insecure and insensitive to your wishes. If he knew that his was the heart you want, he’d treat you differently. You’re trying to look good and enjoy yourself. He should enjoy that. If he continues this behavior, reconsider if he’s the right guy for you.
He is not protective – he’s controlling. Tell him you will wear what you like and do not want to hear another word about it. If he complains, show him the door
Tell the controlling loser to hit the bricks. Enjoy your tights and fishnets without the judgement or insinuations.
NTA
He’s a dick.
ETA You feel like you are going crazy because that’s what he wants. It’s manipulation.
NTA
A good lesson to learn early is to never make yourself smaller to please someone else.
If he actually loved and trusted you, he wouldn’t be bothered.
NTA. This behavior isn’t “overprotective”, it’s controlling. He’s punishing you by not speaking to you when he doesn’t approve of your clothing. If you allow this he will eventually start trying to control other things like where you go and who you talk to or spend time with. This is not how a good partner behaves. Get away from him now before it gets worse.
Anytime there is a conversation that is overwhelmingly painting someone as overbearing for a petty reason that any rational person would automatically agree with, I immediately suspect the AITA post is fake. In this case is sounds like a fanfic written by a lonely 14-year old to write the word “fishnets” and “pantyhose” a few times.
He has no right to tell you what to do with your body, full stop. Hes nitpicking on a little thing to see if he can control something bigger
NTA. He’s not overprotective, he is controlling
NTA
You might love him like crazy, but he does NOT love you like crazy. If he did, he would love all that you are, and however you wish to express yourself and your style.
Nta
It’s a shot in the dark, but as a mildly neurodivergent guy, I have awful sensory reactions to tights and nylons (along with other fabrics). Maybe that’s your BF?
Ugh, he’s controlling. Wear what you want and dump this collection of 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Other’s have said it better, but I will chime in with this little real life story. My dad’s favourite “look” on my mom is long hair and a polka dot dress. For almost their entire relantionship, my mom has had short hair, basically a pixie cut, and prefers formfitting jeans and a simple sweater. He will frequently compliment her anyways, and every once in a while, mom will put on that dress, and grow her hair out a bit. They’ve been together for almost 60 years.
If you’re boyfriend can’t accept your style, he’s a controlling asshole, and not the one for you.
Get rid of this muppet
NTA.
Look, he is 18 so I am not gonna expect him to act like a normal mature adult. However, not talking to you is extremely manipulative and you should not give in.
Maybe ask him why he’s feeling weird about fishnets—where’s he been seeing fishnets that they have this connotation for him?
They’re a normal part of theatre costumes and even dance classes like tap dance and jazz for little girls at dance studios.
This flag is extra red. Do future you a huge favor and do not hand-wave this. He is being unreasonable and controlling, and he thinks good way of dealing with his insecurity is to punish you by not speaking to you for something that is ABSOLUTELY his problem to begin with. He’s not for you, and he’s not a prize.
NTA and what if they look at you for whatever he approves of? What then? NO! It’s your choice what to wear and he’s being controlling and rude. Does he not trust you? Sheesh! You wear it because you want to and for no other reason. That’s the best reason of all. What else does he dictate so HE feels better? You wear those fishnets and tights proudly and tell him to stuff it. You aren’t his Barbie doll to dress.
He’s not overprotective he’s controlling. This is a sign that he’ll be abusive. End this – and, actually, he is abusive because punishing you with silence is called stonewalling, and it’s abusive
Get a new boyfriend. This one is an idiot.
NTA. He’s acting unreasonable and controlling, trying to dictate what you can and can’t wear, for no good reason. (It’s remotely possible he has a good explanation for why he hates patterned tights – like he has trauma from watching someone get strangled with them – but he should have told you that by now.) First he forbade fishnets, now it’s patterned tights, next he’ll complain that your clothes are too tight or short, or that you’re wearing makeup to attract other men.
Does he act controlling in other ways? This is a big red flag, and they usually come in groups. You need to seriously re-evaluate the relationship and probably leave.
You’re young, so I will give you some advice from an old man with grown up daughters:
You are not responsible for someone else’s insecurities! He’s afraid that someone better will come along and steal you away from him, lured by your fishnets.
Those things he is saying people think are the things that he thinks when he sees a girl dressed in a certain way.
A lot of things men say reveal what they are thinking behind the nice guy mask. Listen carefully.
You say overprotective. I say controlling. 🚩 Most definitely NTA
You have way too much life ahead of you to spend any more time with this guy.
You have fun style and confidence, he’s possessive and controlling. Next!
You’re young. You’re going to learn, this is a major red flag.
Can you answer me something. Would your ever demand he change his clothes like this? Would you talk to him the way he talks to you?
NTA, he can choose to deal with his insecurities, or he can lose his partner.
NTA – my boyfriend wants me to not wear common clothing for women that is appropriate in a public setting. (The panyhose with designs). I don’t know this seems pretty cooked your not allowed to express yourself in a modest way in public already in less than a year.
Yall need to get away from these dudes that are controlling how you fricking dress. NTA and dump this guy.
please, PLEASE break up with him. do not waste your time with someone like that, break up with him and go live your life the way you want and wear what makes you happy and be yourself to the fullest. i promise it’s not worth it in the slightest to put up with that kind of shit. it’s not love, it’s control
NTA. In addition to being controlling, your boyfriend sounds, dare I say it, painfully basic.
May I ask how he dresses?
NTA dump the clown this is all about control for him.
Girl bounce, he’s not overprotective, he’s being controlling and it’s likely going to get worse.
You are NTA, but your bf is.
Why in the world would you want to be with someone who doesn’t celebrate you at your happiest? Your tights sounds super cute. I’d feel like I was going crazy too!
This kind of insecurity only gets worse with time, so either get this behaviour under control stat or move on. NTA!
He’s trying to control you and you dont need that
NTA. controlling what you wear in any capacity is one of the biggest red flags imo and the start of something much bigger. every time i have run into this i’ve ran, and you probably should too!
That’s not overprotective, that’s controlling.
NTA for wanting to dress yourself the way you enjoy dressing. Ditch the dude or at least have a frank conversation with him about how you are a person, not a possession and you can make your own choices about what you wear.
Ps: The silent treatment is a known tool for compelling behavior. It is simply not acceptable to stop talking to a romantic partner as a firm of punishment.
NTA He’s an ignorant loser. Find someone who is more confident and not so easily threatened by their imagination.
This guy is insecure and controlling
As a man in my 30s who’s married, let tell you a secret: there’s no such thing as an “overprotective boyfriend”. It’s a lie they tell to steal your agency. Right now, it’s just tights. Next, you can’t wear certain shirts or bras because “I don’t want other men thinking about your tits”. Then it’ll be “I don’t want you talking to your male friends because they’re obviously trying to steal you from me”. Then it’s “I don’t you want you talking to [best friend] because they talk bad about us behind our backs. A woman should only talk to her man anyways”. The more power you give him, the more walls he builds around you, until you completly boxed in, isolated from your friends, your family, the world. And that’s when the mask comes off you see the monster. Nta. Run away. Run as far away as you can get and never look back. And don’t ever let anyone tell you what you can and cannot wear again.
Fishnets are not bad, wearing what you like and what you want is not bad.
What IS bad is a person trying to change you without considering your opinion and wants.
First it’ll be your tights, then it’ll be another outfit, then it’ll be your friends, then your haircut, college major, job. Etc. Etc. Etc. Give a person like that an inch, they’ll take a mile eventually. If your gut is telling you somethings not quite right, listen to it
He’s not overprotective, he’s controlling. NTA.
NTA. Never, ever, ever hitch your wagon to a man who tries to control what you wear. He’s not gonna stop with just your clothes. Eventually, he’ll be trying to control what you eat, what you spend your money on, who you can spend time with…this is a slippery slope. End it now.
Run, girl. Run.
Don’t give this bullshit any oxygen.
Controlling abuser alert.
NTA dump him. It only gets worse from here. He doesn’t do this because he cares about you.
NTA, silent treatment is literally a method of abuse. You’re only 18, it’s only been 7 months, this is a big red flag. Also unless it’s not appropriate for the weather or something like white at a wedding don’t let others tell you what to wear
NTA. My girlfriend loves sporting fishnets and I love it too. Find you a man that will BUY you fishnets when they tear, not one that will put you down for your fashion sense.
NTA. He’s trying to control what you wear because he’s insecure.
You are 18. You have plenty of time to find better and you leaving him over this will be a good learning experience for him too.