AITA for being annoyed that my friend has changed her wedding plans multiple times from dates, venues, and invitees…. only to end up only inviting her family AND still wanting her (uninvited) friends to throw her a bachelorette party?
I feel it is bold and inconsiderate to want the perks of friendship and celebration without extending the same courtesy back with a wedding invite. A bachelorette party involves time and money. For someone who isn’t even invited to the wedding, it feels insulting.
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AITA for being annoyed that my friend has changed her wedding plans multiple times from dates, venues, and invitees…. only to end up only inviting her family AND still wanting her (uninvited) friends to throw her a bachelorette party?
I feel it is bold and inconsiderate to want the perks of friendship and celebration without extending the same courtesy back with a wedding invite. A bachelorette party involves time and money. For someone who isn’t even invited to the wedding, it feels insulting.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am judging my friend for not inviting me to her wedding but wants me to go thru all the work to throw her a
Bachelorette party
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA that is super weird tbh, that’s way past a favor considering how much time and money those take to plan, and then to not invite you to the main event is a slap in the face.
NTA, say no thank you and move on.
NTA. You seem like a good friend who wants to celebrate someone you care about. They seem shitty and self-centered.
NTA, you’re free to be annoyed at anything. It’s not bad to be annoyed. WYBTA if you didn’t throw her a party? Also no.
If I were you, I would plan the Bachelorette party. Then disinvite the Bachelorette. NTA
NTA. Your friend sounds like kind of an indecisive mess. Is she always like this? Why is it such a shitshow to plan?
Probably worth a come to Jesus moment. She’s jerking everybody’s plans around obnoxiously and has offended her best friends, it’s time to go to her and be direct with her. Maybe she’ll have a reason or maybe you’ll have it out or whatever, but it’s time to put the cards on the table
NTA. Dont throw a Bachelorette party, don’t go to the wedding.
NTA. She can tell her invited family to throw her a party.
NTA
No invite then I am not going to be involved in other festivities other than to just show up.
NAH. You know if your friend is bullshitting or doing their best. Move accordingly.
NTA. I think its silly to be insulted about not being invited to the wedding tho. That shit is expensive. They are probably trying to lower the budget. Do think its weird they want others to pay for a bach party tho. My soon to be fiancé and I thought about having a mixed bach party before we go away to elope but we would pay for it tho.
NAH. She has the right to invite whom she wants and you have the right not to participate in any wedding activities. NTA if she gives you grief when you tell her no.
I wouldn’t personally begrudge someone for changing their wedding plans to do something very small with family. It obviously would have been better to figure that out before inviting people and changing her plans a bunch of times (embarrassing!!), but weddings are expensive and stressful, and I think it’s an understandable decision, botched execution aside.
If this were my friend, I’d support her and let her know there were no hard feelings and maybe offer to get some friends together for a celebratory dinner. I would not go to the expense and trouble of planning a full bachelorette weekend though, and she’s entitled for expecting that. NTA.
NTA, but are tou saying they’re just doing a tiny family only wedding?
Thats fine then, but she should at least contribute to the party since that’ll be the only celebration her friends get.
Absolutely not. Shes looking for people to fund her party. I really wish someone would try me with this shit.
NTA. But why did she change to a small wedding? If it’s for financial reasons, you can’t fault her for that. You could have a nice little party at someone’s house and then go to a bar. It doesn’t have to be wild.
If she wants a bachelorette party, she should throw it herself, unless one of her friends offers.
I think in this situation bride needs to wait for it to be offered because asking for someone to do this for you when you are basically not having a wedding is tacky. NTA
NTA
NAH – In Britain, I have seen people invited to stag nights (bachelor parties to US readers!) but not to the wedding. In my mind, your situation is within the limits of social acceptability but I can fully understand you not wanting to go.
NTA. If they want the intimacy (and cost effectiveness) of a small wedding, that intimacy applies to all elements of celebrating the couple, unless individuals want to.
YTA. So what your friend wants to have a small wedding but still celebrate with her friends. Having been to many weddings, this actually sounds ideal to me.
Plans change for weddings. Could be a money thing, could be family issues, could be anything. A bachlorette party doesn’t need to be a weekend away spending thousands of dollars. Mine was just a night out with friends and my SIL’s and me stayed at a hotel downtown. Nobody spent more than $100. You can still celebrate her and be supportive. Idk. It would depend what the friendship is like.
NTA oh hell no
YTA
Weddings are ridiculously expensive and you have to pay per person, so I get the bride trying to reduce the expense by limiting the guest list. She isn’t singling you out, she can only afford to include family.
But she still wants to celebrate with you and the other girls.
I understand that a bachelorette party can be expensive, and you feel it’s an unfair expense. But it’s possible to throw a party at a reasonable expense, especially if several of the friends chip in.
I’d talk to the bride and ask if throwing the party can be the wedding present. And remember you’re saving money by not needing to buy a dress for the wedding.
NTA. I’d throw a party and give the bachelorette the wrong date/venue! I know! I’m being petty but I feel she is feeling a lot of entitlement to ask for a party from people who are not even invited to the wedding! It’s like sending an announcement to everyone and saying “Hey, I’m getting married on this date. You are not invited but you can send your gift to….” WTF??? lol
sorry, there’s too much going on, I can’t manage to come to your thing. Hope you have a great time!
Omg no
A new trend I have also seen is people getting invited to just one of the wedding events (like a pre-wedding event) and still expecting gifts.
NTA. If they wanted to hold a second gathering for friends, totally cool. But to expect prime to commit to an expensive deal and not be invited to the wedding is poor form.
NTA.
A bachelorette party goes hand-in-hand with those you share your big day with. I understand her wanting to save costs and still celebrate with friends, so maybe a potluck dinner is more appropriate.
NTA. It is insulting Let her family throw her one
NAH. I would suggest something low key, in line with the wedding. Maybe a night out with drinks and dancing? A day at the beach with just the girls? A spa day? Nothing over the top like getting on a plane, but a little something to help her close this chapter of her life.
INFO How elaborate is this bachelorette? The fact that you are being asked to “throw” it raises concerns.
I would feel differently about her saying, “Hey, I’m sorry about the change of wedding plans but we’re doing dinner and drinks next Saturday, I hope you can join us.” Vs. “You’re not invited but I want you to plan and pay for a long weekend in Vegas.”
You: “Sorry, I am unavailable that night.” Bride: “I didn’t tell you the date yet.”
NTA. It’s the height of entitlement thinking to expect people to throw you a party in honor of another event they’re not even invited to! That’s absolute madness.
NTA.. this is easy.. I’m not planning a bachelor or bachelorette party for someone who isn’t even inviting me to their wedding. Would I attend such an event, yea probably, but I’m not taking my limited free time to plan and pay for such an event when I’m not even permitted to be there at the wedding we are supposed to be celebrating. At the end of the day, OP knows the friend better than any of us.