I’m (24F) a professional massage therapist, and this job is my passion. I love helping people feel better, easing their stress or pain,it’s like solving a puzzle that leaves someone smiling. After years in spas, I built a small studio in my home, balancing in-home sessions with outcalls. It’s my dream job, and I’m proud of the business I’ve created from scratch.
My friend (30F) knows how much I love my work. But lately, she’s been texting me almost weekly, asking to come over for a quick massage because she’s “stressed.” These aren’t quick,they take 20-30 minutes, plus setup and cleanup, and she never offers to pay, even a small fee for supplies. It’s started disrupting my schedule, especially when I’m preparing for paying clients or outcalls. I’ve hinted I’m busy, but she will never take it seriously.
Last week, I had a packed day and told her I couldn’t do a free session. She got upset, saying ,”i cherish money so much”and should help friends out since I enjoy my job. I explained this is my livelihood, not a hobby, and I need boundaries. Now she’s telling mutual friends I’m being cold. I feel guilty, but I can’t keep giving free sessions.
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I’m (24F) a professional massage therapist, and this job is my passion. I love helping people feel better, easing their stress or pain,it’s like solving a puzzle that leaves someone smiling. After years in spas, I built a small studio in my home, balancing in-home sessions with outcalls. It’s my dream job, and I’m proud of the business I’ve created from scratch.
My friend (30F) knows how much I love my work. But lately, she’s been texting me almost weekly, asking to come over for a quick massage because she’s “stressed.” These aren’t quick,they take 20-30 minutes, plus setup and cleanup, and she never offers to pay, even a small fee for supplies. It’s started disrupting my schedule, especially when I’m preparing for paying clients or outcalls. I’ve hinted I’m busy, but she will never take it seriously.
Last week, I had a packed day and told her I couldn’t do a free session. She got upset, saying ,”i cherish money so much”and should help friends out since I enjoy my job. I explained this is my livelihood, not a hobby, and I need boundaries. Now she’s telling mutual friends I’m being cold. I feel guilty, but I can’t keep giving free sessions.
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> 1.I told my friend she can’t be coming over for free massages because it’s disrupting my business
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. She’s exploiting you.
NTA you can’t keep giving free sessions. It’s really that simple. If she were a good friend she would be a paying friend.
Let her be cold, a friend who wants to disrupt your livelihood for a free massage isn’t a good friend and you can say as much to anyone who doesn’t implicitly understand this. NTA
She is a user. This is your job. She is showing you who she is. Sounds like it is time to lose her as a friend because she is not really one.
Ask your friend to give you free stuff too. NTA.
NTA. Case closed.
Good friends support their friends at full price plus a tip. This isn’t a friend. This is a leech.
NTA. She’s a freeloader. It’s pretty arrogant to expect someone to perform professional services for free, repeatedly, just because they’re friends. Would she expect free steaks just because she’s friends with a butcher? Free cakes because her bestie is a baker? Would she ask CPA pal to do her taxes for free every year? Ask your mutual friends those questions and let them connect the dots. If they don’t, maybe you’re better off without them.
NTA. Your hands will only last so long in that profession. You need to make aas much money as possible before your joints give out from the stress of deep tissue and similar.
NTA. Only a shitty friend would repeatedly expect you to do your job for free to benefit her. She’s a mooch.
NTA. She’s not your friend. Seriously. Ditch her.
NTA I would insist on paying
Everyone experiences times in life when we really see toxic relationships we have entangled ourselves in.
This is one of those times when we remove these toxic friends from our life.
Sounds like your a giver and she’s a taker. You’ve just run out of anymore to give.
Let her go, she will find someone else to use and abuse.
Tell your friends she is trying to exploit you for free labour. nta
NTA – No more comps, don’t even offer mates rates. If she wants your time, she needs to book like everyone else does. What does she do for a living? Can she do something for you for free?
Tell her going forward that no more free massages. That it’s your job and you will give her a 10% discount and send her your price menu
NTA. Flip it back on her. Why does she care so much about money that she won’t pay? I never understand why people don’t call out hypocrites
damn she could have AT LEAST help clean up afterwards or brought you something like a snack / cake or whatever.
NTA
NTA. You’re standing up for yourself. That friend is a mooch.
NTA but you’re a little bit of an ass to yourself for not setting firmer boundaries. If she wants a massage from you, she can make an official booking and pay for it just like any of your other clients. No more freebies. She’s taking advantage of you. Just because you enjoy your work doesn’t mean you don’t have bills to pay. She’s an entitled user.
What does she do for a living?
Don’t worry, her friends know that she’s using you unfairly. They’re probably wondering what took you so long to put a stop to it. nta
NTA Good for you for setting a boundary with your friend, you’ve invested plenty of time and money into developing your professional skills and you deserve to be compensated by friends. Perhaps you should decide now on a “Friends and Family” discount, and how many discount appointments you will take each week. Then, the next time someone asks, you will be ready to confidently say “Sure, my regular rate is $80/hr, but for you $60/hr. I’m booked already for this week, how’s next week for you?” That way, you leave plenty of room in your appointment calendar for full price clients.
Yta for not saying my rates are $xx.xx per hour.
“If you want a massage, book and PAY for a session. I am not being a free ride and if you don’t like it…*point to the door* there’s the door.”
And if anyone takes her side, go low to no contact. You are not a charity, this is your job.
You gotta take a firm stance. Be prepared to lose a selfish friend but they are selfish
No but can I get one 😂
NTA. I don’t understand why people think that they don’t have to pay friends for services. I go to my friends’ businesses to support them. If they offer me a discount I appreciate it, but never expect it.
NTA she’s exploiting you and getting angry when she’s called out on it. She’s a hypocrite for saying you just care about money when she cares about money so much that she can’t be bothered to pay your or at least make a meal for you.
NTA
she is using you, it’s your job and it’s not a free service. She wants that service then she can pay for it, it’s simple. Friends support each other by paying for their skills.
I would also be taking payment up front with her and if she starts any more drama by talking to others about you, refuse service all together. She is not your friend, she is a user.
“When I give massages it is my work, you are asking me to work for you, for free. Friends do not ask this. Going forward payment will be required for my work.”
NTA
I work in a salon that offers hair, nail, facials, and massage services. None of us expect freebies from each other. I always try to give my colleagues money when I get my hair and nails done. If they won’t accept it, I try to pay in other ways.
Your so called friend is not being a friend at all. She’s an entitled jerk who shows no respect for you or your livelihood with her demands.
I’m friends with my massage therapist and I wouldn’t dream of asking for a free session. Instead I pay, tip well AND bring her fun little things I know she would love like apples from our trees or homemade sourdough boules.
She wouldn’t ask for a contractor to build her a free home so why is she ok with this for you? Your time is valuable and even if you enjoy your job it’s taxing on your body and energy.
Absolutely NTA
NTA. Where do people get the audacity, for reals??
Nta she sounds like she’s not respecting your time or resources. The least she could’ve done was offer to pay since she’s getting a generally payed service for free. She doesn’t sound like a good friend and will probably disrespect/ rage over other boundaries in the future.
Show up to her place of business and ask for “free whatever”. Tell us how that goes.
Ask her to go work for an hour w/ no pay and see what she says- she is not a real friend, if your other friends say anything ask do they work for free.
NTA . I help any of my friends with anything except what I do for a job , they want that, they pay ( mates rates of course)
Nta
The first step is to stop feeling guilty for saying no. You are not a bad person for setting and holding a healthy boundary.
NTA why do so people on Reddit have horrible “friends”
NTA and if she respects you as a friend she’d pay you! I run a pet sitting business and my friends with pets never expect free services; they know I need to charge them and I always give a small discount: 10% to my neighbors and misc friends, 25% to my close friends. Everyone is always thrilled to even receive a discount, because they know this is literally how I make a living… I’m still doing work for them that they would otherwise have to pay for, why should they expect free services? Your friend sucks.
NTA
I’m a massage therapist and none of my friends would have to audacity to repeatedly ask for free services.
Work is work; you do it for money. Even when you love what you do.
Be cold. Don’t feel guilty 😂
If you value your friends, you don’t look for them to provide their skilled services for free. You’re happy to pay them.
NTA Why should you be out of pocket if she is using your services. She should at least pay for supplies.
NTA you’re not being cold, she’s using you.
It sounds like she was always using you, but now she wanted you to literally give up money to service her. Nope. Your time is your own. And if you have to give up paying clients, it’s very valuable. She’s not entitled to anything.
NTA.
I’ve been a professional bodyworker for a long time, send her your online calendar that takes a credit card to book the appointment ( I use square) and tell her heeeeey, this is how to best get on my table!