Am I , 30 F , the ahole for not letting my parents 54M and 56F use my name on one of those “Medicare family caretaker programs “ . My dad is wanting me to use my name as my mom’s caretaker . NOT be the caretaker, but use my name and he gets the money . Mom does have health issues , heart attack and eye problems and he does care for her , but spouses can’t be paid. If they had asked me to be the caretaker and that’s potentially my job , then yea I’d get that . But this is literally fraud . I know dad’s tired and stressed but this isn’t reasonable. He’s mad now (and mom) because my husband immediately said no . They are upset because after all they’ve done for us we won’t agree. THEY have done things for us , they helped us build our home and while we pay for everything they own it . They loaned us 500 when we were struggling and I paid it back at 1100 only like 3 months later . They’ve occasionally watched the animals when we went on trips , like twice in 4 years . And I’ve thanked them , paid them back and made sure they knew I was grateful. But this doesn’t seem like a fair situation, I could seriously get in trouble for this . I have a child , I can’t risk everything for them . While I’m fine helping out with mom’s needs (driving to appointments and cleaning house when she needs it occasionally) this isn’t something I feel like I can do but they definitely disagree. So am I the ahole here or are they ?
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Am I , 30 F , the ahole for not letting my parents 54M and 56F use my name on one of those “Medicare family caretaker programs “ . My dad is wanting me to use my name as my mom’s caretaker . NOT be the caretaker, but use my name and he gets the money . Mom does have health issues , heart attack and eye problems and he does care for her , but spouses can’t be paid. If they had asked me to be the caretaker and that’s potentially my job , then yea I’d get that . But this is literally fraud . I know dad’s tired and stressed but this isn’t reasonable. He’s mad now (and mom) because my husband immediately said no . They are upset because after all they’ve done for us we won’t agree. THEY have done things for us , they helped us build our home and while we pay for everything they own it . They loaned us 500 when we were struggling and I paid it back at 1100 only like 3 months later . They’ve occasionally watched the animals when we went on trips , like twice in 4 years . And I’ve thanked them , paid them back and made sure they knew I was grateful. But this doesn’t seem like a fair situation, I could seriously get in trouble for this . I have a child , I can’t risk everything for them . While I’m fine helping out with mom’s needs (driving to appointments and cleaning house when she needs it occasionally) this isn’t something I feel like I can do but they definitely disagree. So am I the ahole here or are they ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Sorry , I believe I may be the asshole for not even considering it even though they have done things to help us. And that him being mad I’m “ungrateful “ seems unfair.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Don’t do it. Medicare and Social Security have long memories and you could be screwing yourself over in the future. As to who is the asshole, that’s not a question I can answer here and not, I think, the purpose of this subreddit. I’ll leave my vote blank.
TLDR; Because you only have to get as far as “fraud” to say NTA for not wanting to commit fraud even if it benefits your parents
I’m sure they will care for you no matter what you do..They parents, they will love you unconditionally. I’m sure you’ll create a story you can accept after she’s gone or he has a breakdown from taking care of her. I’m sure you’ll rely on the opinions of strangers online to convince yourself that you’re a good person. No judgment from me. Exist in your own world where you even have to ask our opinion.
NTA
Medicare fraud is serious and comes with prison time. I cant believe your parents are fine with risking your life for some money. Don’t do it.
As you said, this is fraud. Use that word as you tell your folks they raised you better than this. Stand your ground. NTA.
No no no. This is 1) easily discoverable fraud and 2) you’ll owe taxes on that income.
TA is our government who makes these arbitrary and ridiculous rules to punish people for no longer serving capitalism sufficiently. Your dad is NTA for asking – he feels desperate. I get that. You’re NTA for declining. It’s fraud and that’s too scary and major to take on.
I hope you find the right caretaker for your mom. Fwiw my husband and I are not married, specifically because of the way married couples get hosed when when spouse needs to go on long term disability. I have some significant health issues so we never wanted this to harm us. Your dad may be able to find a loophole in “divorce” which sounds unsavory but I know a number of older couples who have done this to avoid bankruptcy and maintain access to Healthcare benefits.
NTA for not wanting to commit fraud and risk going to jail.
Don’t do it. Fraud is a bad thing to be associated with. Tell them to ask about the PCA program. They could have someone come in and help with her needs and give your dad some time off. But they cannot and should not use your name. It’s bad for you but it’s really bad for them. It could effect them being able to get aid as they get older
They are. You are right, that is major fraud and you cannot afford to be a party to that.
NTA, I do take care of my mom and there are so many hoops (depending on the state) to go through for this. Unfortunately what they’re asking is not only illegal but also puts you and your family at risk for legal action (jail/ fines/ garnishment of wages).