I (19F) am currently living with two other people, Tina (19F), and Ellie (19F), all of us are in university. We were all friends freshman year and decided to live together now for our sophomore year. We were fortunate enough to find a really nice place to live. It’s super spacious, in a quiet + safe neighborhood, and has amazing views. When we signed the lease, it was VERY clear we were not supposed to have large, loud gatherings. This is because tenants here before us threw a bunch of parties that really disrupted the neighborhood, especially the neighbors we share a wall with.
Now a couple days ago, Tina told me that she and Ellie were planning on throwing a halloween party at our place. I was somewhat hesitant from the start, but didn’t really say anything about it when it was first mentioned.
After thinking about it more, I decided to bring up last night that she needs to be the one to talk to our neighbors about throwing a party. I also expressed I was generally uncomfortable with the party, to which she replied that it’ll be fine because “the cops don’t reply to noise complaints until after midnight.” After that she kinda cut the conversation off, but it continued to really bother me, as I felt somewhat brushed off.
The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable with having a party here I got. So today, I went over to Tina and basically told her that if she doesn’t have the express go-ahead of our neighbors, she’s not throwing a party at our place. She basically went quiet and kinda stony, and when I asked if she was mad with me, she replied that she was just bummed because “this was the only thing she was looking forward to.” (for context Tina has not really been enjoying her time at our university this year and is actually planning on transferring).
After that interaction I called my dad and talked about it, as the situation was really stressing me out. He was vehemently against the idea of a party (not because of alcohol, but because of the lease). He pointed out that even if we get our next-door-neighbors approval, someone else on our street could still call in a noise complaint. If the cops were to come, that could be a big issue since we’re all under the drinking age. He suggested talking to Tina’s parents about this, as another important detail is our rent is all paid for by each of our parents, they’re on the lease. I told him no unless they really aren’t listening to me. My conversation with him made me even more against the idea of hosting a party, so Im considering just saying Im not comfortable with any of it.
If we were in a neighborhood with lots of college students throwing parties, Id have no issue with it. But we’re the only college students on an incredibly quiet street, with only old people and families for neighbors. This isn’t about me not liking parties, this is about me being afraid of putting our living situation in jeopardy. So, AITA for telling my roommate she can’t have a party at our house?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I (19F) am currently living with two other people, Tina (19F), and Ellie (19F), all of us are in university. We were all friends freshman year and decided to live together now for our sophomore year. We were fortunate enough to find a really nice place to live. It’s super spacious, in a quiet + safe neighborhood, and has amazing views. When we signed the lease, it was VERY clear we were not supposed to have large, loud gatherings. This is because tenants here before us threw a bunch of parties that really disrupted the neighborhood, especially the neighbors we share a wall with.
Now a couple days ago, Tina told me that she and Ellie were planning on throwing a halloween party at our place. I was somewhat hesitant from the start, but didn’t really say anything about it when it was first mentioned.
After thinking about it more, I decided to bring up last night that she needs to be the one to talk to our neighbors about throwing a party. I also expressed I was generally uncomfortable with the party, to which she replied that it’ll be fine because “the cops don’t reply to noise complaints until after midnight.” After that she kinda cut the conversation off, but it continued to really bother me, as I felt somewhat brushed off.
The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable with having a party here I got. So today, I went over to Tina and basically told her that if she doesn’t have the express go-ahead of our neighbors, she’s not throwing a party at our place. She basically went quiet and kinda stony, and when I asked if she was mad with me, she replied that she was just bummed because “this was the only thing she was looking forward to.” (for context Tina has not really been enjoying her time at our university this year and is actually planning on transferring).
After that interaction I called my dad and talked about it, as the situation was really stressing me out. He was vehemently against the idea of a party (not because of alcohol, but because of the lease). He pointed out that even if we get our next-door-neighbors approval, someone else on our street could still call in a noise complaint. If the cops were to come, that could be a big issue since we’re all under the drinking age. He suggested talking to Tina’s parents about this, as another important detail is our rent is all paid for by each of our parents, they’re on the lease. I told him no unless they really aren’t listening to me. My conversation with him made me even more against the idea of hosting a party, so Im considering just saying Im not comfortable with any of it.
If we were in a neighborhood with lots of college students throwing parties, Id have no issue with it. But we’re the only college students on an incredibly quiet street, with only old people and families for neighbors. This isn’t about me not liking parties, this is about me being afraid of putting our living situation in jeopardy. So, AITA for telling my roommate she can’t have a party at our house?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole for trying to stop my roommate from hosting a party. We’re all adults and it’s as much her house as it is mine. I also know that she has been generally struggling and was really looking forward to having a fun party. Because of that, I feel like an asshole for taking that away from her, as I can tell she’s pretty upset at the idea of it not happening.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. If it’s in the tenancy agreement. You’re potentially loosing your lease! Regardless of ‘what time the cops come’.
My advice, Contact other parents before this happens.
I think there’s possibility for middle ground, you’re young, you’re allowed to have people over. It doesn’t have to be a rager.
You are totally in the right, shouldn’t have moved into a no party house if they want a party.
ATA.
Don’t be a party pooper dude, get some friends, get a life. and ultimately take some time to reflect on your behavior
Sorry but gently, YTA. You’re young and I understand you are worrying about the rules, and obviously your dad is not going to approve of a party with drinking. Part of living on your own and growing up is learning to go with the flow a little bit. I don’t think your roommates have bad intentions and I don’t think you are trying to be a party pooper, but you need to relax. Rather than try to shut their plans down, maybe have an exit plan to remove yourself from the apartment on this night in case the party becomes too loud or rowdy for you. College is going to involve parties and having people in your space and it may even be loud and have alcohol, its not the end of the world and I say this as someone who did not drink, did not party, and was a general stick in the mud like you when I was 19. It took a few years and then I found my inner peace and didn’t let things like this bother me because life is too short, just have fun.
NTA and anyone who says your are needs to grow the fuck up.
NTA
NTA
This has disaster waiting to happen written all over it. Contact your landlord to confirm the no parties arrangement. Contact her parents since they are paying the rent. Be prepared to lock your doors and call police yourself if she goes ahead behind your back.
Sounds drastic? Being a party pooper? Sure. But if a lease was signed on the basis of no parties you’re going to be as responsible as the others if this goes ahead.
ESH
They shouldn’t be throwing a party as per the conditions of the lease, but you kinda lost your right to complain about it after you didn’t speak up at the start – it’s rather asshole-ish for you to let your roommates do however many days of planning and then revoke your consent and make them waste all their time.
Furthermore, you’re not her mother, so you actually can’t “tell your roommate she can’t have a party at our house” even without the above considerations. It’s her house too.