Throwaway account since my friend knows my main.
I went on a trip recently with my friend we’ll call “Maya.” We’ve been friends for the past year at university, but this was the first time we traveled. We decided to go on a trip with just the two of us, which ended up being really exhausting.
The first couple of days, I realized she is not a planner at all. I was the only one who planned everything, because she said “planning a vacation is like an assignment.” I made sure to check how much food, transport, and activities would probably cost, and made sure I had that much money on hand when I needed it. She did not. By the second day, she ended up using my money for meals and other things. Granted, it would be easier for one person to pay, and the other person to pay them back, but she had no money to pay me back during the trip (saying she would pay me back after). I knew she was rich (and maybe spoiled), but it just felt unfair to me.
While I was okay with spending money on food and important things, she started asking me to spot her for unnecessary things she just wanted. At first I said yes because I didn’t want to make the trip awkward, but then she kept doing it. She asked me to pay for activities that I hadn’t even wanted to do in the first place, and the whole time, she was still buying dumb little things she didn’t need. She’s genuinely a really indecisive person, so only after she finished talking with the sales lady about what clothes she wanted to buy (where I expected her to use her own money to pay), she came up to me and said something along the lines of “this place doesn’t accept cash, can I borrow your money?”
I finally told her I wasn’t paying anymore because I’m not her bank. I said I planned for myself and I’m not going to risk my backup money because she couldn’t be bothered to think ahead. She got really upset and said I was being dramatic and ruining the trip by making money a big deal. I told her she ruined the trip herself by not taking it seriously.
When we got back she sent me a long text saying I made her feel abandoned and that if the roles were reversed she would have had my back. She also told a couple of our mutual friends that I was stingy and controlling. Now some people are taking her side and saying I should have just helped her because it’s not that deep.
I don’t feel bad for saying no but I’m wondering if I was too harsh. AITA?
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Throwaway account since my friend knows my main.
I went on a trip recently with my friend we’ll call “Maya.” We’ve been friends for the past year at university, but this was the first time we traveled. We decided to go on a trip with just the two of us, which ended up being really exhausting.
The first couple of days, I realized she is not a planner at all. I was the only one who planned everything, because she said “planning a vacation is like an assignment.” I made sure to check how much food, transport, and activities would probably cost, and made sure I had that much money on hand when I needed it. She did not. By the second day, she ended up using my money for meals and other things. Granted, it would be easier for one person to pay, and the other person to pay them back, but she had no money to pay me back during the trip (saying she would pay me back after). I knew she was rich (and maybe spoiled), but it just felt unfair to me.
While I was okay with spending money on food and important things, she started asking me to spot her for unnecessary things she just wanted. At first I said yes because I didn’t want to make the trip awkward, but then she kept doing it. She asked me to pay for activities that I hadn’t even wanted to do in the first place, and the whole time, she was still buying dumb little things she didn’t need. She’s genuinely a really indecisive person, so only after she finished talking with the sales lady about what clothes she wanted to buy (where I expected her to use her own money to pay), she came up to me and said something along the lines of “this place doesn’t accept cash, can I borrow your money?”
I finally told her I wasn’t paying anymore because I’m not her bank. I said I planned for myself and I’m not going to risk my backup money because she couldn’t be bothered to think ahead. She got really upset and said I was being dramatic and ruining the trip by making money a big deal. I told her she ruined the trip herself by not taking it seriously.
When we got back she sent me a long text saying I made her feel abandoned and that if the roles were reversed she would have had my back. She also told a couple of our mutual friends that I was stingy and controlling. Now some people are taking her side and saying I should have just helped her because it’s not that deep.
I don’t feel bad for saying no but I’m wondering if I was too harsh. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I was too harsh on her, berating me friend for not planning her money properly, resulting in me having to pay for her. I might’ve been too harsh, which makes her think I’m the asshole
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and it seems like you need to prune your “friends” list a bit.
NTA. You aren’t her bank. Were you paid back? Tell the other people they can cover her if it’s no big deal.
NTA. The best travel advice I’ve ever received is: Do not travel with people who have incomparable travel styles as you. The trip generally ends up more stressful than fun. And it can be a destroyer of friendships/relationships.
Nta. Shes a mooch
it has been said that if you want to test your relationship / friendship you should take a trip together
Nta.
Funny how money is never a big deal for people who are taking someone else’s
Has she paid you back?
NTA
Should’ve called daddy to send her money.
NTA. You said she didn’t plan her money very well. What you actually meant is she planned YOUR money very well. Now that the ATM of OP closed, she is using the court of public pressure to play the victim. She’s not a friend – she’s a user and she targeted you as her victim and used you until the money dried up.
I don’t see how this can be real. She had cash but didn’t have anything in her bank. AI got that the wrong way around. Cash can be difficult to get and shops are cash only, not card. A rich girl who doesn’t have money in the bank. Is she also an orphan who’s parents can’t put money in her account
If the roles were reversed she wouldn’t have had to keep asking for money because she would have planned ahead.
So she is saying:
> “If the roles were reversed she would have had my back
Surely the answer to that (which I would also share with the mutual friends) is:
> “But I was in that situation. I was running out of money for my holiday because a friend kept making me pay for ALL of her costs. If you’d had my back, you would have helped me out.
(As in – if it had been a different person who was the “friend” taking all your money…)
NTA – screw that! Her lack of planning is not your responsibility to fix.
NTA. You need to pick better friends. She’s not your friend at all. She’s a manipulative little girl who thinks that the world revolves around her
Who would take a vacation without planning for the costs…no one would. She left it all to you and doesn’t have any plan to pay you back. Not cool.