I (22F) have been with my partner (30M) for about five years, on and off. We recently had our first baby and, overall, our relationship is in a really good place. But I’m struggling with feeling unsatisfied in our sex life.
The main issue is that my partner only wants penetrative sex. He rarely does foreplay, and when I asked him to use lube on his fingers, he said he doesn’t like how it feels. I explained that it’s uncomfortable for me without it, but he still refused.
He also hasn’t given me oral in over a year, even though he used to. When I bring it up, he says it feels “too intimate” for him now, but he insists there’s nothing wrong with me physically. I find that hard to understand, especially since I’ve always tried to meet his needs, including oral.
I’ve told him I don’t think it’s fair for me to keep giving when he won’t reciprocate, so I’ve stopped. I love him and want our sex life to be fulfilling for both of us, but I’m starting to feel neglected and frustrated.
How can I bring this up in a way that actually leads to a constructive conversation, rather than him getting defensive or shutting down?
TL;DR: My partner (30M) doesn’t do foreplay or oral anymore, even though he used to. He says oral feels “too intimate” for him now. I (22F) feel neglected and frustrated. How can I talk to him about this in a constructive way?
Comments
Wow, a guy who, in his mid-twenties, thought it was a good idea to date a literal teenager, turns out to be inconsiderate of her needs. Color me surprised.
He’s gotten what he wants from you: you’re anchored to him because of the child, and now he doesn’t have to put in any effort any more.
What you wanted never mattered to him; he pretended that it did so that he could get what he wanted from you. Now that he has it and he knows that you won’t go away, he has no further incentive to bother treating you or your needs with respect.
This is the person he is because this is the person he chooses to be. This is who he always was, and you’re only now seeing that because he’s chosen not to bother with the mask any more. So there’s no conversation that’s going to change anything. This is who he is because this is who he wants to be.
This is who he is going to remain.
Take it or leave it.