I bought a fixer-upper in my 20s with my now ex. I bought him out, but agreed to give him back his portion of deposit he paid upon sale whenever that may be.
We remained friends as we’ve known eachother since childhood, regardless of that I still plan to stick to my work 8 years later.
I told him I was in the process of selling the house, he asked me if I had any offers and i told him yeah but from a few landlords. I didn’t think that needed further explanation because he knows full well how I feel about landlords buying up starter homes in lower income areas, and how strongly I felt about turning this house into a home for myself and the next occupants.
He’s absolutely furious at me for not going for a quick sale because he wants his measley 5k back now. I told him no way, and tried to remind him of all the offers we made on starter homes that just got swept up by landlords. It was devastating and we almost lost all hope of getting on the property ladder. None of them wanted this one because it needed so much work.
He’s blowing my phone up, and told my parents who are more gently telling me to just go for the easy sale but I’m in no rush to move and want all my hard work to go to a family instead of someones business. AITA?
Edit: giving him the 5K specifically from the sale has been discussed over messages many times in the past. If I just give him 5k now, he could still say I owe him from the sale of the house. Getting him out was a nightmare as he can be pretty nasty. Most of the time he’s fine but he suddenly switches and “goes to war” with people.
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I bought a fixer-upper in my 20s with my now ex. I bought him out, but agreed to give him back his portion of deposit he paid upon sale whenever that may be.
We remained friends as we’ve known eachother since childhood, regardless of that I still plan to stick to my work 8 years later.
I told him I was in the process of selling the house, he asked me if I had any offers and i told him yeah but from a few landlords. I didn’t think that needed further explanation because he knows full well how I feel about landlords buying up starter homes in lower income areas, and how strongly I felt about turning this house into a home for myself and the next occupants.
He’s absolutely furious at me for not going for a quick sale because he wants his measley 5k back now. I told him no way, and tried to remind him of all the offers we made on starter homes that just got swept up by landlords. It was devastating and we almost lost all hope of getting on the property ladder. None of them wanted this one because it needed so much work.
He’s blowing my phone up, and told my parents who are more gently telling me to just go for the easy sale but I’m in no rush to move and want all my hard work to go to a family instead of someones business. AITA?
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> I’m refusing to sell my house to a landlord so my ex won’t get his money back as fast
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
[deleted]
Can you pull together $5k to shut him up?
I’d just pay him the $5k now and remove him from the equation.
[deleted]
You are absolutely right. You love the house, and it makes perfect sense to me 💗 keep being strong 💪
NTA
NTA – You agreed to pay him back the deposit after you bought him out. It doesn’t matter where the money comes from. If you don’t want to sell to a landlord, that’s none of his business.
NTA for not wanting to sell to a landlord, but YTA if you don’t pay him back now since you have offers on the house.
Especially since $5k is measly in your eyes.
[deleted]
Listen. Is he still on the deed?? If not take out a home equity loan and give him his 5k. Document it in writing when you hand it over. Be done with him!
INFO – this depends heavily on the details buried in this sentence:
>I bought him out, but agreed to give him back his portion of deposit he paid upon sale whenever that may be.
What sort of deal did you make at the time? How long ago was that? What were you “buying out” if that doesn’t include the deposit?
YTA
You’re just as bad as a landlord if you think $5k is “measly” holy shit the privilege lol
If you wanna stand on principle that should come out of your wallet, not his
NTA. He can be patient and suck it up. It’s YOUR house (you bought him out) and YOUR choice. If you don’t want to sell to a rich asshole who’s only gonna use the place for a quick profit, that’s your choice and both your ex and parents can butt out. If you’re able just give him the $5k before you sell the house so he stops pestering about it and is removed from the equation
ETA: Thanks for the award kind stranger
NTA. You don’t owe a landlord a sale, and you don’t owe your ex instant cash. You’re selling responsibly and sticking to your values, nothing wrong with that.
YTA. Y’all broke up, your values are no longer his concern. Give him back his measley 5k so he can end his dealings with you.
INFO: I don’t understand how you “bought him out” but still owe him money?
NTA.
NTA. He’s waited this long, he can wait another month or two. Even in this market, that’s all it will take for a starter home.
For $5k now, you can make this problem go away forever.
> If I just give him 5k now, he could still say I owe him from the sale of the house.
Not if he signs a release in exchange for the $5k.
NTA stick to your guns!
NTA, tell him you’ve decided not to sell. Once you do decide to sell and it’s sold, you will let him know and give him his downpayment back at the time when it has sold. Your mistake was telling him before it had sold.
NTA and thank you for doing what you can to ease the housing crisis. It’s appalling that some people suck up homes like pac-man while other hardworking families can’t get their foot in the door, and prices just keep going up.
I understand where he is coming from but, I would hold firm and sell when you are ready and sell to who you want to. Can’t you just buy his $5k out at this point?
YTA You have taken 8 years to pay them back their money. You should have paid him by now.
NTA. You can choose who you sell your property to, you don’t owe an explanation to anyone.
>Edit: giving him the 5K specifically from the sale has been discussed over messages many times in the past. If I just give him 5k now, he could still say I owe him from the sale of the house.
Invest a few hundred in lawyer’s fees and get a formal agreement drafted that this is the 5K he is entitled to, paid in advance of the sale of the house rather than after.
It’s not complicated. You say he can be nasty, but he wants a quick sale so he can get his money, so he has every incentive to agree to this because he gets his money now.
YTA- “If I just give him 5k now, he could still say I owe.” It’s called a notarized receipt or contract stating he’s been paid, it’s not rocket science. If it’s just a “measly 5k” then pay him.
NTA.
just block him. You’re being an AH to yourself. If you have 5k, have him sign a quitclaim deed and get him out of your life.
If it’s a “measly” 5 grand pay him off and go about the sale as you see fit.
NTA, particularly for not allowing yet another residential property to be lost into the gaping maw of commercia real estate. But you apparently still owe him the money, $5k is nothing in the world of real estate, take out a loan or something to pay him off and get him off your back.
Why are you letting an manipulate you like this? He’ll get paid when you sell the property that you own OUTRIGHT. He has no right to the property and. O influence.
Tell your parents you don’t like that they still talk to someone you’ve ended a relationship with. Ask them to block him so he is not able to meddle or manipulate you anymore. Mention the harassing messages.he is sending you.
It’s harassment.
NTA for not selling to landlords and NAH because if he wants his money back from the sale of the house he has to wait for the house to sell.
Get something in writing from an attorney that he gives up any claim on the house, signs the deed to you, etc in exchange for the 5k. Give the money, be done with him, sell to whomever you want.
No, fuck the landlords and your ex. You put plenty of heart and money into this home to make it yours. As the owner, you have the right to decide who you want to sell it to, unless the “giving back of deposit” deal was settled in a contract along with the buying him out, that’s just you being nice and giving him your word; but it’s not legally standing. He can wait or you can say “you know what? I was being nice, but screw you 🤷🏻♂️”
Have the $5K placed in an escrow account and have your lawyer write him a letter. It won’t cost much, and if the letter is worded right, it should stop the nonsense.
You could also mute or block him for now. It’s not his house and he doesn’t have a say.
YTA. Just give him his money and forget about it. This is ridiculous.
NTA tell him the offer is no longer available
Write a contract where you give him the $5k now in exchange for him releasing any claim to the proceeds of sale. Easy easy.
NTA.
Block him for the time being and unblock when you find a buyer you would like to sell to. You made the mistake of telling him you were putting the house on the market instead of telling him when the house went pending with a buyer.
NTA. Never sell to a landlord and especially not to an agency that wants to rent it out at a high markup
NTA, but you’ve put yourself in a tough position. If your ex has been that difficult, I’m not sure why you’ve given him any information at all. It sounds like he would be difficult no matter what the circumstances and you invited that in to your sale process.
As others have asked, too, I’m unclear on how you still owe him anything if you bought him out of the house. And why can’t you make him sign a notarized document saying that he’s received his payout in full, pay him the 5k, and move on? He’d have no recourse to come after you later at that point.
NTA – stick to your morals !
Just give him 5k now and draw up some writing that he accepts 5k now and forfeits the 5k from the house sale.
It’s not that hard.
NTA. Thank you for contributing positively to society.
Pay him the 5k and get some legal paper work saying that’s the 5000 from the original deal and he is not entitled to seek more after the sale of the house or ever.
He lost all rights on deciding who to sell to when you bought him out. Ignore him, and do what is right for you.
NTA, but also an idiot.
Pretty sure you can give him the 5k after he signs something acknowledging that the 5k is fulfilling the prior agreement and he waives any further claim to sale proceeds. This doesn’t sound like a difficult problem to solve actually. Contact a lawyer and get this taken care of.
NTA
NTA stick to your guns and don’t share information about it. Obviously he has some issues with money at this point.
Say to him, “ok, I’ll look at those offers and see if more come in. I want a good price too, and will let you know when the sale is completed.” Leave it at that and don’t talk about it at all with him until it’s done. Find the right person for you.
NTA. Doesn’t matter how much you’ve discuss it at the end of the day you bought him out, so legally, unless there is something addtional legal in writing stating an additional 5k upon sale of the property you owe him nothing.
Hell no. Proud of you for sticking to your morals. The world needs more of you.
NTA, fuck landlords
“Blowing up your phone?” Sure. But if this is real, once someone offers you your asking price, you risk legal action against you if you don’t sell. Investors buying up starter homes is a real problem, but the best way to address that is by advocating for better zoning laws to keep them out.
You can pay him the $5000 now IF he signs a legal document still debts have been paid and releases all connection to it.
What legal documents do you have in place from your split saying you even still owe him money? Agreements can be changed as long as both people sign off on it.
So NTA. But your edit makes me wonder more about the sketchiness of your ex.
YTA, pay him his 5k with a legalized document that stating the this payment satisfies the any claim to the house.
Nah, NTA in any way, shape, or form. You own the property, you control who buys it (within reasonable limitations and in accordance with Fair Housing Act regulations of course). If you don’t want to sell to a slumlord, then DON’T. If you’re not in a hurry to make the sale, DON’T.
Only thing I would say is get that man out of your hair ASAP. If you have the $5k you said you’d pay him for the original deposit, put together a written agreement and give him the money NOW. If he refuses, record and document it, then tell him he won’t be getting another dime from you and block him.
I’m inclined to say NTA. Missing some other info – but it sounds like you’re concerned about legal implications of him coming after you for more money?
During your divorce & in your divorce agreement is there language about paying him back after the sale of the home? Or is this a general discussion you’ve had via text.
if you have the money to give him now have him sign an agreement saying that he’s received what he’s owed and isn’t entitled to anything else after the sale of the house (maybe consult an attorney and have that agreement notarized). Get him off your back and take your time selling the house.
I want to thank you for doing this. I strongly believe my son and his wife got their home because the elderly owner wanted it to go to a young family instead of becoming a rental. I’m sure she must have turned down higher offers by selling to them. NTA, if there wasn’t a time limit set when he agreed to wait until you sold the home, he can’t now set one.
NTA. People like your parents infuriate me. It’s more important to do the right thing than the easy thing
Regarding your edit: just get it in writing that he’s no longer owed money from the sale if you give him the 5K now. You can change a deal as long as you get the receipts. It seems like 5k might not be so measly to him now if he’s this upset. Or maybe he is just ready to be done with the whole thing. Either way he should have no problem signing a new agreement that says 5k now and nothing later. If he does, then he’s going to be ridiculous either way and you at least have proof that you tried to make a reasonable compromise.
I know for some people 5k is a lot of money. But it really isn’t. Let him f*****g wait. And it might even not be 5K depending on what the sale price is if that’s the route you’re going that he gets some of the equity or just his initial investment. NTA if the house is only in your name cuz he ain’t got shit to say about it.
“If I just give him 5k now, he could still say I owe him from the sale of the house” – this makes no sense. Get it in writing that the 5k you give him takes care of your obligation towards him and do whatever you want. YTA for not trying to make this work.
You 6 already NTA but after your edit, wtf absolutely not the asshole. He cant have it both ways. Either he can take the 5k now or he can wait for the sale. He lost every last bit of mind if he thinks that you giving him 5k now means that he still gets another 5k when the house gets sold. Fuck out of here! Tell him either he takes the 5k you offered ONLY(i wish I knew how to make words bold on here lol) or he can wait until you’re ready to sell. He and everyone else can kick rocks and blow dirty bubbles until then.
NTA. He wants his money, you want to maximize your sale while helping someone else. Tell him to suck his thumb, sit in the corner, and wait like a normal person. If you hadn’t been selling right now, he’d not be getting anything. Your punishment for being up front with him is his haranguing you!
[removed]
Definitely NTA
Thanks for looking out for first-time renters and buyers 🫶👏👏‼️‼️.
Don’t continue to engage with him about this. You have told him that he will get his money after the house sells, end of discussion.
Take care
Updateme
NTA
As long as you can get a comparable amount of money from someone who wants to live there, you are NTA.
Your house. Your choice.
I am a landlord. I support your right to choose the person you sell your house to. There are plenty of other houses for investors to buy.
NTA–I feel the same way.
We’re contemplating selling our place, and I know my SO will want to go for the quick money too.
Nta
I see your comment about him still expecting to get 5k even if you give him the monry now, but you can get a solicitor to set up a contract stating the 5k is repayment for his deposit, so offer him the option of 5k now and he can sign thr paperwork acknowledging the debt is repaid, or he can wait.
Good for you for refusing! I did the same 2 years ago when I sold my home in Florida. And most “landlords” are huge real estate companies that gouge their renters. Stay strong!
NTA.
YTA
Pay him the 5k and get it notorized as paying his deposit back
5k is not “measley”. Calling it that makes you sound like the landlords you dislike so much
It doesn’t matter if he’s suffering or not. It doesn’t matter if the 5k would make an actual difference in his life. It is not a measley amount
If you want it to go someone who isn’t a landlord and will never become a landlord, become a landlord yourself and not gouge your tenants
NTA just stop talking to him until the deal is done
You are a good person. Thank you for doing this.
NTA but I’d put something in writing and pay him now or offer to pay interest
INFO so you had the money to buy him out of his share the house minus $5k? Is the reason that you don’t want to sell because you want to continue living there? Or because you think that people shouldn’t be allowed to rent?
NTA. Stand your ground. You are the seller, and sole decider for any real estate decisions. You do not have to explain your choices to your ex, your, or their family. He was never promised a timeline for receiving funds, so acting like you should be basing your decisions, on his timeline is BS. I bet he’d even push you to sell for less, if he could get his money sooner. He has nothing but his own interest in mind, while trying to control YOUR asset.
Let them ALL know that moving forward you be handling this -alone- as the sole owner of the property. He will get his money, as agreed upon, WHEN the sale is complete, and not a minute sooner, no matter how much everyone calls and chimes in with the unsolicited opinions. Then stop discussing the matter with him, and everyone else – full stop. Your ex is not an owner of the house, in any capacity, and as such doesn’t not have any authority to assert an opinion, or even a side-eye into this matter. He doesn’t need details, updates, or promisory dates. You’re only obligation is to let him know when his check is ready for pick up.
NTA. I’m guessing the house is solely in your name so you can sell it to whoever you want. Maybe consider drawing up a contract and that states you are giving him that 5k now instead of when the house sells so that you no longer owe him any money but have it notarised so he can’t claim you still owe him later.
If you bought him out, why would he need the 5k, I’m slightly confused. The 5k should’ve been included in the purchase price.
Have you got a lawyer to deal with your shitty ex?
NTA. Your convictions are admirable. Also, landlords are parasites.
NTA: do what others are saying and get everything in writing or take screenshots! Also I would stop telling him your plans for the house
NTA. You agreed to pay him $5k when you sell the house. When, or how that happens isn’t part of the agreement and this he has no say over it.
For your own sanity, I would recommend not involving your ex in the process at all until you close on a sale and need to give him the $5k. No updates on offers, showings, interest, ect. The house is yours, not his or your parents. You do what you want.
Out of curiosity, if you bought him out already, why do you need to give him $5k? What did you buy him out of?
It’s been 8 years and it’s probably about time you paid him back.
Get a flexible payment loan or something that you can pay off completely when you do sell. And have a lawyer get him sign a document saying that’s all he’s owed.
Don’t risk pissing him off so much that he tries to claim the equity on his stake.
NTA, and good on you for being principled on who you sell it in to.
Sounds like an ass I would completely cut him off 🙄
NTA great job sticking to whats right i plan to never sell my home to investors/landlords ever i’d rather take a cut and sell mine to a family or literally anyone else really
If you can afford it, give him the 5k. But protect yourself by getting in writing that he cannot seek further money from the sale.
Tell him you can pay him the 5K, but the agreement needs to be legally amended to prove the transaction has been completed with him being paid in full. He must come to your lawyer’s office to sign, so there is no room for denial. The legal cost is the price for your peace of mind. Might want to include a PPO while you’re at it, in case he goes berserk again.
Nta
It’s your house, sell it to whomever you wish.
NTA. He’s a tool. You weren’t very smart in that contract you made with him though. Not sure why you couldn’t have given him the 5k at the same time as when you bought him out. Separating it like that just let him have claws in you still. As we are seeing now. I agree with the other person that said get a lawyer to make a new contract with him saying the debt is paid if he takes 5k now from you pre sale. Have him sign it and wash your hands of the guy. He sucks eggs, op. Barf.
Good on you for not selling to another greedy monster that buys up all the dang starter homes!
We live in a ‘starter home’ neighborhood and had some really great neighbors for a while. Owner-occupied, did the landscaping, met all the neighbors. They had the chance to buy a bigger house near their parents, so they put the one by us on the market. They had a buyer in about a week, someone who wrote them a nice letter about their young family, about how excited they were to finally own their own home and be near an elementary school for their kids….
A month later, people are moving in. ‘Congratulations on buying your first home!’ I say as I walk across the lawn to meet them.
‘Oh, we’re just renting,’ they say.
The letter was a LIE.
If you bought him out, you bought him out – the return he got on ‘his half’ includes what was spent on the deposit. The implication here is that he invested more up-front but then you paid him out at some different split. You should have taken care of it then and the buy out should have been a “walk away clean” type of deal.
Also – you’re the gentrifier. You’re a 20-something who bought a low-value home in a low-value neighborhood and spruced it up. Whatever you have to say about “landlords” also applies to you. Do not pretend for a second you’re “one of the good white gentrifiers”. You’re a white gentrifier and that’s that. Say you deserve it because you put in the time and money; or because you had the opportunity and can’t be blamed for taking advantage, whatever – own what you’ve done instead of pretending you haven’t done it.
Either neither of you or both of you. You owe him 5k, he’s impatient. The only thing you can control is giving him 5k. Buy out his portion and be done with it. You shouldn’t be forced to sell, but he should be owed 5k until you see fit.
NTA, I’d hold strong and wait for a family as well. You’re under no obligation to sell, regardless of the offer made.
No, “no investor offers considered” is a great way to preserve and protect the community you’re leaving behind.
YTA. I like to see that you’re heart is in the right place about the landlord thing but…Give him 5k and stop being a self righteous prick. He might need that $$
NTA. You own the house & are dealing with all aspects of the sale. Therefore, it is your decision alone. If the deal was he gets paid when the house sells, ok; that will still happen. WHEN IT SELLS. that is the only stipulation & you are honoring that. Doesn’t need to be on his timeline or your parents.
NTA
I wouldn’t want to sell to a landlord either.
updateme
NTA – I’ve given up on my dream of home ownership but thank you! Thank you for thinking about those who are starting out in life. Maybe my children will be able to do so if more people stood for something other than money.
Block your EX. and tell your parents to block him too. He’s clearly broke and is in desperate need of cash. When the sale is complete, send him his money.
Not going to lie I was the same but I took when the same situation arose with me.
Wanted to sell to a family but I sold it to a cash buyer when they offered more.
I regret nothing
NTA and thank you for caring enough about your community to hold your ground!
Families have been known to be stalking horse buyers. Your plan isn’t foolproof.
NTA and I respect that you don’t want to sell to a landlord. However, I’m not sure how you can tell which buyers are landlords and which are deserving families
NTA – Unless you absolutely need to have contact with your EX, send out one text and then block him until the sale is complete.
It should read something like:
As agreed, I will give you $5k upon sale of the house. I will contact you when the sale is complete.
Is there anything in writing because if there isn’t you need to cut off this “friend” who turns nasty when he doesn’t get his iwn way. You need legal advice.
You can give him the $5k out of your personal funds after he signs a document with a notary that the $5k completes your payment of his deposit into the house and he releases any further monetary claims in the house. Is he on the deed to the house still?
NTA