My girlfriend and I will often share tech stuff between both of our home offices. For the last two years, I’ve had a specific desk mount for my microphone, which I used on meetings for my job on a daily basis, until I got laid off a few weeks ago. It’s $20, so it’s not super expensive to replace.
Recently, she’s been borrowing it for her own purposes. She likes to stream and needs a way to have a microphone accessible on her desk.
Recently, she borrowed it off my desk for the weekend and when she returned it to me, something had happened to where it wouldn’t attach to my desk anymore, even though it was working just fine prior to her borrowing it.
I wasn’t mad, but I asked her what happened. She said she didn’t know, but when I did a quick spot check, I saw that the part of the clamp was damaged. I told her that and she didn’t apologize, she just emphasized that she had no idea what happened, and that it was already on its last leg (it wasn’t).
Initially, she offered to buy me another one, and I agreed. About two weeks later, she hadn’t done that, but instead, she bought herself her own microphone clamp for her desk.
When I saw that, I politely told her that I understand she didn’t mean to break what she borrowed, but I would’ve appreciated an apology, to which she doubled down on the “I have no idea what happened, I didn’t break it.” I also told her it kinda bothered me she bought one after saying she’d replace mine, and that I was trying to save money while I look for another job.
She got mad and passive aggressively apologized. I ended the conversation and went out to just go buy another microphone clamp for my desk.
AITA for wanting her to apologize and feeling kinda annoyed she didn’t replace it, and bought her own?
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My girlfriend and I will often share tech stuff between both of our home offices. For the last two years, I’ve had a specific desk mount for my microphone, which I used on meetings for my job on a daily basis, until I got laid off a few weeks ago. It’s $20, so it’s not super expensive to replace.
Recently, she’s been borrowing it for her own purposes. She likes to stream and needs a way to have a microphone accessible on her desk.
Recently, she borrowed it off my desk for the weekend and when she returned it to me, something had happened to where it wouldn’t attach to my desk anymore, even though it was working just fine prior to her borrowing it.
I wasn’t mad, but I asked her what happened. She said she didn’t know, but when I did a quick spot check, I saw that the part of the clamp was damaged. I told her that and she didn’t apologize, she just emphasized that she had no idea what happened, and that it was already on its last leg (it wasn’t).
Initially, she offered to buy me another one, and I agreed. About two weeks later, she hadn’t done that, but instead, she bought herself her own microphone clamp for her desk.
When I saw that, I politely told her that I understand she didn’t mean to break what she borrowed, but I would’ve appreciated an apology, to which she doubled down on the “I have no idea what happened, I didn’t break it.” I also told her it kinda bothered me she bought one after saying she’d replace mine, and that I was trying to save money while I look for another job.
She got mad and passive aggressively apologized. I ended the conversation and went out to just go buy another microphone clamp for my desk.
AITA for wanting her to apologize and feelings annoyed she didn’t replace it, and bought her own?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I need to be judged on expecting her to apologize for an accidental breaking of something that was mine that she borrowed.
It might be that I’m petty and emotionally immature for expecting an apology for a $20 item that’s easy to replace.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
>When I saw that, I politely told her that I understand she didn’t mean to break what she borrowed, but I would’ve appreciated an apology, to which she doubled down on the “I have no idea what happened, I didn’t break it.”
The bar is in hell.
Is this how she is on the regular or she is going through stuff and hence this is new behavior.
>About two weeks later, she hadn’t done that, but instead, she bought herself her own microphone clamp for her desk.
After 2 weeks she did this.
She better be an angel otherwise, YTA to your own self
I think if you demand an “apology” then YWBTA, but if you are merely asking that she acknowledge that it happened while in her possession, then NTA. Does she ordinarily not accept responsibility for things? Or, if she didn’t acknowledge that, then she should have at least replaced the thing IMO
Nta and you may want to reconsider your relationship. She tries to gaslight you, when you wouldn’t fall for it, promised she’d buy you a new one, and bought herself one instead, which was dishonest of her, and then got mad and doubles down on the gaslighting when you called her out. She has shown her true colors, and this behavior will only escalate.
YTA
You should’ve started with “Hey do you happen to know what happed to my desk mount for the microphone that you borrowed? It’s broken” maybe she just felt blamed when she didn’t even break it the first place, leading her to be passive about it.
NTA. Your girlfriend is being obstinate and should just say sorry.
But on the other hand you paid $20 for an item that lasted two years of work. These things don’t last forever.
Are you a teen couple?
Sounds like 12 year olds on both sides.
NTA she’s weird
NTA but this all seems very minor, and raises more concerns- obviously I shouldn’t be overanalyzing from one interaction posted from one side on reddit.
But lets do that anyway.
So, what’s her point of view on this?
She may legitimately believe she didn’t break it (which may also be true, we don’t know that for sure.)
She may not be conceptualizing how big a deal it is to you- which may be a problem in and of itself.
She may be aware she broke it but is trying to avoid responsibility (red alert!)
At the end of the day, though, its such a little thing that I feel like you should just be able to talk about it. And if she blows you off, maybe she kinda sucks.
NTA. If I borrow something and it’s returned not in the same state, I would apologise (regardless if I thought it was on it’s last legs and it broke itself) and for $20, I would have replaced it quickly and order myself one too.
And knowing you are out of work – $20 is huge and you should be saving every dollar you can for essentials.
Nta.
Don’t buy a new one. Keep borrowing hers and ruin the clamp on hers.
Your girlfriend sounds like a real piece of work. A real bratty entitled AH.
She ruins yours, plays dumb, says she’ll replace it, doesn’t, then buys her own, then gets upset when you are understandably also pretty disappointed in her and her selfishness. I think she’s showing her true colors here. I would not want to be with someone like this. Borderline Iranian yogurt.