So me (m22) and my best friend (let’s call him Dan) have known each other for about 5 years, and especially the last 2 years we got really close. We both like the same band that’s coming to our country next year, and the plan was always to go together. At least, that’s what I thought.
We never actually bought the tickets earlier because of money stuff and also us just postponing it. Recently though, Dan has gotten really close with another friend of ours, Hailey (not real name). I didn’t think much of it at first, but lately the two of them act kinda off whenever they’re together. Like, they’ll ignore the rest of us, and then when one of them isn’t around, suddenly they act like good friends again. It’s confusing.
The thing is: Dan and Hailey literally bought tickets right away for a different concert that’s happening soon. He told me before he had no money, but apparently for that concert he did. Meanwhile, every time I mention the band we planned to see, he acts like he forgot and says stuff like “idk if I can.”
I’m still cool with him, don’t get me wrong. He even sometimes randomly texts me saying he’s happy I’m his best friend and that he values our friendship. But then I don’t get why he’s acting like this all of a sudden, not only with me but also with some of our other friends.
Now I’m finally at the point where I can buy tickets, but I don’t want to just sit around and wait until he maybe decides to care again. Another friend of mine said I should just go on my own or invite someone else. I’m really considering it, but I don’t want to look like I’m ditching him.
So, would I be the asshole if I went without him (either alone or with someone else)?
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So me (m22) and my best friend (let’s call him Dan) have known each other for about 5 years, and especially the last 2 years we got really close. We both like the same band that’s coming to our country next year, and the plan was always to go together. At least, that’s what I thought.
We never actually bought the tickets earlier because of money stuff and also us just postponing it. Recently though, Dan has gotten really close with another friend of ours, Hailey (not real name). I didn’t think much of it at first, but lately the two of them act kinda off whenever they’re together. Like, they’ll ignore the rest of us, and then when one of them isn’t around, suddenly they act like good friends again. It’s confusing.
The thing is: Dan and Hailey literally bought tickets right away for a different concert that’s happening soon. He told me before he had no money, but apparently for that concert he did. Meanwhile, every time I mention the band we planned to see, he acts like he forgot and says stuff like “idk if I can.”
I’m still cool with him, don’t get me wrong. He even sometimes randomly texts me saying he’s happy I’m his best friend and that he values our friendship. But then I don’t get why he’s acting like this all of a sudden, not only with me but also with some of our other friends.
Now I’m finally at the point where I can buy tickets, but I don’t want to just sit around and wait until he maybe decides to care again. Another friend of mine said I should just go on my own or invite someone else. I’m really considering it, but I don’t want to look like I’m ditching him.
So, would I be the asshole if I went without him (either alone or with someone else)?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe i would be the asshole, because it was a plan that i made with my best friend, by going alone or taking someone else instead of him it would be wrong, especially since we planned it for a pretty long time and he really wanted to go at first with me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Of course you should go. Just inform him that you are about to buy tickets and ask him if he has decided. Put yourself first, this is healthy.
you would be nta if you want to see the concert and he doesn’t have money to. i would go by yourself or ask another friend if they want to go
You should definetelly warn them first, but go for it! Dont hold urself back if someone who was planning to go wont anymore
NTA – message him saying “I’m buying the tickets on Friday. Venmo me $XX by Thursday night if you want me to buy your ticket with mine.
You wouldn’t be the asshole at all. It sounds like you’ve been clear about wanting to go with him for a long time, but he’s showing you with his actions where his priorities are right now. Buying your own ticket (alone or with someone else) is just making sure you don’t miss out on something you’ve been excited about. If he’s truly your friend, he’ll understand or at least, he should. Don’t put your happiness on hold waiting for someone who isn’t matching your energy.
NTA. He’s being wishy-washy and has enough time to confirm if he’s still willing to go to the concert. Buy the ticket and enjoy the show.
NTA
This happened to me… Practically the same, a band I loved came to my country, and I was supposed to go with a friend…
He never bought the tickets, I did tell him when I was going to buy, and if he wanted to use my credit card (it had a big discount), he said he wasn’t going, I got my tickets and found some friends that were going too.
One of the best nights in my life.
Go to that concert, he probably likes the other girl, that’s why he is acting like an idiot.
Buy your ticket. Dan won’t go with you because Hailey doesn’t want to go.
NTA.
NTA
Tell him you’re going to buy your ticket, ask him if he wants to come. He can say no or yes, but there is no reason to put this off indefinitely and potentially miss out on tickets.
Go without him. At this point, anything less than an enthusiastic yes to going is going to be a No. if you want to go then go.
NTA
He’s kind of giving you the “I’m not interested” vibe. Ask him directly with the option of saying no, that you might ask someone else if he chooses not to go. That’s fair.
NTA. Just tell him “hey I don’t want to miss my chance to get a ticket so I’m gonna buy one for myself. If you decide you can make it, let’s plan on going together!”
I think you’re putting too much thought into this. He told you he can’t afford it. Go with that. Buy your ticket and go without him. He’s probably dating Hailey and doesn’t know how to tell you.
Go to your concert. Enjoy yourself.
NTA. Giving him a heads up is nice but don’t make it a question and don’t postpone buying your ticket for any reason related to him. Sounds like he’s someone who loses himself in new relationships a bit (this can happen in platonic friendships not just romantic). He will probably come back around but you don’t need to sit around waiting for that. Go get that ticket and live your life!