My roommate who I have 10 months left on the lease with is demanding I get rid of the cat l adopted two weeks ago because her boyfriend is allergic and is having “severe” allergic reactions even when he is not around my apartment or my roommate. She knew he was allergic before I adopted the cat and told me I could get the cat if I took precautions to reduce the allergens. An expectation was set that we would see how things go for two weeks – I really meant a little longer than that but she took it literally.
I foolishly said that if in a a week or two after trying the stuff to reduce allergens then I’d see about rehoming the cat. I know this was dumb, and it was dumb for both of us to agree to this as I don’t think I could ever actually get rid of a cat like that, especially one that is as sweet and cute and perfect as mine. Her boyfriend hasn’t taken any allergy medication because he feels it’s unnecessary.
So now my roommate basically texted me demanding that it’s been two weeks and that it’s not working out and that I have to get rid of my cat. My roommate says she doesn’t want her boyfriend to be allergic to her and is asking when she can expect the cat to be gone. I’ve gone above and beyond to limit the allergens – buying allergy-reducing food, allergy-reducing spray, air purifier, vacuuming regularly, buying claritin for the boyfriend – and I feel my roommates boyfriend should at least try taking allergy medication. He’s acting like I’m asking him to take crazy illegal drugs, I think she’s scared that he’s not going to want to hang out with her anymore. It’s creating a lot of tension and she’s saying that I’m going back on our agreement.
However, I think she needs to wait longer because the allergen reducing food I have takes 3-4 weeks to even start kicking in, and I think her bf needs to try allergy meds. I don’t want to get rid of her, she is also my ESA and I have legal documentation stating that. If I absolutely have to I can move her to my boyfriends house who has no pets but I really don’t want to and I think she’s being a bit unreasonable since her boyfriend doesn’t live with us and technically should have no say anyways. I acknowledge that there is a certain level of not coolness in me technically going back on our agreement, but neither of us should have even agreed to that. Would I be the asshole if I kept my cat?
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My roommate who I have 10 months left on the lease with is demanding I get rid of the cat l adopted two weeks ago because her boyfriend is allergic and is having “severe” allergic reactions even when he is not around my apartment or my roommate. She knew he was allergic before I adopted the cat and told me I could get the cat if I took precautions to reduce the allergens. An expectation was set that we would see how things go for two weeks – I really meant a little longer than that but she took it literally.
I foolishly said that if in a a week or two after trying the stuff to reduce allergens then I’d see about rehoming the cat. I know this was dumb, and it was dumb for both of us to agree to this as I don’t think I could ever actually get rid of a cat like that, especially one that is as sweet and cute and perfect as mine. Her boyfriend hasn’t taken any allergy medication because he feels it’s unnecessary.
So now my roommate basically texted me demanding that it’s been two weeks and that it’s not working out and that I have to get rid of my cat. My roommate says she doesn’t want her boyfriend to be allergic to her and is asking when she can expect the cat to be gone. I’ve gone above and beyond to limit the allergens – buying allergy-reducing food, allergy-reducing spray, air purifier, vacuuming regularly, buying claritin for the boyfriend – and I feel my roommates boyfriend should at least try taking allergy medication. He’s acting like I’m asking him to take crazy illegal drugs, I think she’s scared that he’s not going to want to hang out with her anymore. It’s creating a lot of tension and she’s saying that I’m going back on our agreement.
However, I think she needs to wait longer because the allergen reducing food I have takes 3-4 weeks to even start kicking in, and I think her bf needs to try allergy meds. I don’t want to get rid of her, she is also my ESA and I have legal documentation stating that. If I absolutely have to I can move her to my boyfriends house who has no pets but I really don’t want to and I think she’s being a bit unreasonable since her boyfriend doesn’t live with us and technically should have no say anyways. I acknowledge that there is a certain level of not coolness in me technically going back on our agreement, but neither of us should have even agreed to that. Would I be the asshole if I kept my cat?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got a cat when my roommates boyfriend is allergic. She wants me to get rid of it and I want to keep it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Benadryl. Not rocket science. Keep the cat.
NTA the boyfriend doesn’t live there. I would prepare to move out or get a different roommate though
Look, just a guys opinion. But I think you may be being a bit insensitive here. The terms were the terms. And if you meant longer. You should’ve said that… I don’t mean to come off cruel. But, I think you gotta honor your side of the deal. It’s going to hurt your pride a little bit. But you said two weeks and the roommate agreed.
I’d be more lenient if the cat was already there. But it wasn’t. You have to be courteous to your roommate. Even if it’s just to appease her SO. Once again, it was an agreement in place about it.
if bro hasn’t even tried medicine then your roommate has no right to demand that of you. nta
NTA
He is not a resident. They can go to HIS home instead of your place. Keep the kitty!
Does he live there??? My entire family is allergic and I have a cat. If they visit they know to take their allergy meds. If they stay for a few days they get a little stuffed up regardless. 🤷🏻♀️NTA, though it wasn’t wise to say you would rehome the cat.
NTA. It sucks that he’s allergic, but he doesn’t have more of a right to be comfortable in your home than you do. You’re paying rent, he’s not. They can spend time together outside of your home. And I think he’s lying about having a reaction to the cat dander on his girlfriend outside of the home. If he’s that allergic to your cat, he’ll be that allergic to a lot of cats, and be having reactions every day to dander on complete strangers. If he was really that allergic to everyday life, he’d be on medication already.
a light ESH, but only because you let on that you may rehome the cat which i can understand in the moment. but otherwise NTA. does he even live there? if not that’s an unreasonable ask especially if you’re the one on the lease and a paying tenant. allergy meds work wonders – my dad is allergic but loves animals so he just takes Benadryl to pet them lol. it’s not that deep
ESH a bit.
You because you got the cat knowing this was likely to be a problem for your roommate (boyfriend doesn’t live there so he can’t demand anything—but roommate can), and agreeing to a deal you knew you probably couldn’t keep and didn’t want to re: the 2-week trial period. If nothing else it’s unfair to the cat.
Roommate for agreeing to this deal that involved her boyfriend taking meds seemingly without his agreement, and trying to get you to get rid of your pet when he seemingly hasn’t tried.
Boyfriend for wanting people he doesn’t even live with to get rid of their pet to accommodate him without even trying allergy meds. If he’s so allergic that just being around her is setting him off then how can they be “unnecessary”? Is she the only person he knows with a cat in their house? At this point wouldn’t a coworker cause the same issues? He is going to have to figure this out if just being around someone who has a cat causes him a serious reaction.
It’s not his home, it’s yours. She can go to HIS place to hang if she wants. At least this should keep him from moving in! NTA.
You painted yourself into this corner.
Good luck getting out.
Your roommate was insane to agree to this but she did so now she is going to have to be realistic. You are not getting rid of your cat. The boyfriend can take allergy medication or suffer. He doesn’t live there and he doesn’t get a vote. NTA
Also want to say that we have one more roommate and she is totally okay with keeping the cat
HMMM he does not live there..he gets no voice.
I would have told you no right from the beginning so YTA for pushing. Leave it at your boyfriend’s house and go visit.
you already agreed to get rid of the cat after two weeks. (which was a major mess-up on your part) it’s been two weeks. either rehome the cat, or risk a nasty roommate relationship for almost a year.
NTA. He’s not your roommate. He doesn’t live there. What he’s allergic to shouldn’t be a factor in your life.
Light ESH because of you agreeing to the terms.
Boyfriend needs to try medicine and if he’s not willing to then get your friend to give him money to go get her some clothes to keep “uncontaminated” at his place for her to change into when she visits.
Having severe reactions when he’s not around either of you makes me suspicious.
Okay, I’m gonna be real here because we’re in the ‘animals have more rights than humans’ sub – YTA. And I speak this as a cat lover. And also someone who would keep the cat, but – would be aware that I’m being an asshole by doing so.
Yes, the boyfriend doesn’t live here, and shouldn’t have a say. But. Your roommate does live here, so she DOES have a say. Pets are a two yes one no deal, and the deal you agreed on (regretfully, since you knew you wouldn’t want to honor it), was a specified time trial period. And now your roommate, who also lives there, says the trial’s done and she says no.
So the N-T-A thing would be to rehome the cat, as sad as it is. While the more applicable to real life situations thing would be to sit down, and consider if you care more about having this cat, or your roommate’s feelings and happiness, since she’s likely to lose the relationship if the bf doesn’t even want to bother with allergy meds. There isn’t really a wrong anwser here, sometimes we’re simply being assholes to other people, because doing otherwise we would be assholes to ourselves. Also keep in mind that while living together, your roommate has access to the cat, and may not be too pleasant to it.
lol I can’t help but think bf is attempting one of the most passive aggressive breakups of all time.
NTA. Obviously you should not have even entertained the idea of re-homing the cat and it is not a promise you should feel any need to follow through on for the sake of someone who isn’t paying rent or contributing to the costs of the home. I would maybe start looking for a new room mate / new living situation.
NTA!
Not your boyfriend, not your problem
Y T A for agreeing to see about rehoming the cat. That should have been an automatic no. But she is too for even suggesting it.
Never rehome your cat for anyone. You made a commitment to your pet for its lifetime. Tell her you have changed your mind, and that if anything happens to the cat she is the first person you will suspect. Tell her you are putting cameras outside to protect your cat. And that she can spend time at his place until this lease is up and she can try to find another roommate that can take her place on the lease who doesn’t think pets are disposable.
In short, ESH.
Buy a $3.00 bottle of Benadryl/Diphenhydramine for boyfriend, then tell her that should eliminate his allergies immediately. 😊
So he has the allergy but doesn’t want to treat it? Does he live there with you? If not, seems like a him problem.
Keep the cat. Boyfriend has ZERO rights. Pets outrank humans! 😁
ESA are respected, not protected. Being an ESA won’t do anything in the legal sense regarding this issue. Why would you even get this cat “documented” as your ESA in the first 2 weeks knowing the deal you made with roommate?
(Assuming this part is even true)
NTA. People like to say “contracts are made to be broken” and what you agreed to was essentially a casual contract. Conditions change (on both sides), the reality of the difficulty of executing the conditions and a dozen other influences that neither of you considered at the time of the agreement come to bear on how either of you are “breaking” the agreement. She and he, are doing nothing to address the situation and you have gone way out of your way to control the allergy problem. While yes. you did agree to something, they also agreed to give it a chance. Without any effort being made on their part I feel like you should let them know that until they put in a concerted effort, the cat stays.
NTA he isn’t your roommate. It’s not your problem to solve.
Quick reminder that your roommates boyfriend, who does not live there and is not on the lease, gets exactly zero say in whether you have a cat.
Cats are allowed on your lease? No problem then.
NTA. i know somebody terribly allergic to cats. they have come over many a times. all i do is clean my sheets and keep my cat separate from us for the period of time. she takes some medication and while there are some sniffles here and there, it’s nothing near serious.
if somebody is truly having regular allergic reactions, that are impeding their quality of life, i heavily doubt they would be unwilling to take medication.
his ability to not compromise, in a home that he doesn’t even contribute to, is not your problem. you’ve taken precautions and have been mindful- buying new food, medication, and reducing pet hair around living spaces.
Keep the cat. Boyfriend doesn’t live there so he has no say. Roommate can keep the cat out of her room. No way he is reacting to her just because the cat lives in the same apartment. As someone else said, this may be his way to break up with her and blame you and the cat.
For the record my husband is allergic to cats. We currently have three.
ESH. You because you agreed to terms you had no real intention of honoring, which led your roommate to say yes when she otherwise likely would have said no from the start.
Her bf does not live there though and so his allergies should not factor above your desire to have a cat (that otherwise would be acceptable to your roommates and in terms of your lease.)
NTA. He’s not on the lease. She can go to his instead.
Live Clear pet food.changed our lives. It’s expensive so maybe roomie can help pay
Soft ESH. If you legitimately need to have an ESA in your home, you should never have offered to get rid of the cat. However, there is no such thing as legal documentation for an ESA. A letter from a mental health professional will help you with a landlord under the Fair Housing Act, but anyone claiming to legally register an animal as an ESA is a scammer. That’s not a thing in the US.
On the other hand, the boyfriend doesn’t live with you, and refusing to try allergy meds is ridiculous, unless he’s genuinely allergic to allergy meds or something. If he’s saying he has a reaction to, like, your roommate’s clothes when they’re together outside of the apartment, dude should probably be on daily meds anyway lest a stray cat wander across his path and end him.
I didn’t know i was allergic to cats till I got one…. 3 years later i got 2 cats
NTA, he won’t even try the Claritin you bought.
ESH. You two made an agreement that the cat would be rehomed in 2 weeks if the BF couldn’t handle it, yes it was a dumb agreement but that’s the fault of both of you. Are you a person who honors their agreements or not?
Hell no, you are NTA!
NTA. Bf doesn’t live there, why would you rehome a cat your roommate already okayed because of someone not even paying rent.
ESH. Her boyfriend isn’t on the lease so his allergies aren’t your problem. That being said, you made an agreement that you had no intention of going through with which is just as bad.
NTA, the roommate’s boyfriend’s problems are not your problem.
YWBTA for keeping the cat, because the cat deserves a better owner.
Who gets an animal on a two week trial period? You admit that you said two weeks “but meant more” – of course your roommate is mad, you made an agreement with her and you are not honoring it. “Neither of us should have agreed to that.” So you’re blaming your roommate for agreeing to the thing you asked her to agree to? WTF kind of logic is that.
Sure her boyfriend could try the allergy meds, but as so many people have pointed out, he doesn’t live there so he doesn’t have a say…but your roommate does, she says it’s not working and now says no – which is what you agreed to.
You should have never got the cat to begin with.
You say “it’s an ESA, I have paperwork that says it”…if you needed an ESA why are you saying you’d get rid of it if it didn’t work out? Why are you so casual about me rehoming it? Are you just one of those people who are claiming an ESA because you can? Because it pretty much sounds like you are and it doesn’t make you look any better in this situation.
Esh you made an agreement so you need to keep your end of the deal. The bf does not live with you so he shouldn’t get a vote. But again you made this very dumb agreement and are trying to take it back. You need to come to some kind of understanding with your roommate or rehome the cat before they do it for you and your next 10 months are incredibly toxic
NTA the allergens of people that aren’t on the lease and don’t pay rent are not your concern.
Also, that’s not how pet allergens work. I’d suggest reading up on it. If her boyfriend was THAT allergic to a cat that not being around the allergens give him allergies then how do you know it’s YOUR cat? As opposed to his boss’s cat, or the cashier at the grocery store, or his best friend’s sister???
YTA. You agreed before getting the cat that it would be a trial. All of the people living in your home do not agree that the trial has been a success, so you need to hold up your end of the bargain. Tbh it was a mistake to not wait the 10 months until this wasnt a concern, and you could be sure you could be the forever home for a new pet.
Well, if the cat got to go, the boyfriend got to go. NTA. I won’t be giving up my cat, and if the roommate #3 is fine with keeping the cat. The cat stays. Roommate #2 and her boyfriend are free to leave. But the car is staying.