So im (20M) and my mother recently passed away a couple of months ago in February, and her and my dad were married for 38 years together. Me and my siblings had a really close relationship with her, she was our best friend, the glue that kept the family together. But maybe only a month after her funeral, my father was already starting to go on dates again. Me and my siblings thought it was weird at first but we didn’t think anything of it.
Continue on down the line, he reconnected with a woman that he knew years ago, from when he was in his teenage years, and seemingly she saw the video of my moms funeral online and texted my dad on facebook, wanting to check in with him, and see if he’s alright.
After that point, a couple weeks later he then sat down and told me, my brother, and my sister in law that he’s talking to someone new, but they were just friends talking. Well, a couple months later after that point, I started seeing my dad less and less each weekend, until he just has the routine of always leaving Friday and not coming back until Monday because she lives in Ohio. And the more he went, the more they got closer until they started dating for a bit, and then got engaged. They’ve even started building a house together down where me and my dad live, which im moving into because im still a college student.
At this point, neither me or my siblings agreed with the fact that he was doing this as we felt it was weird. My brother even cutting off contact with him for a bit because of it. We’ve explicitly told him we don’t want to see her, or have anything to do with this new woman in his life. But as stubborn as he is, he keeps bringing her around after we tell him no.
Now they’re planning on having their wedding in December in Ohio, and they invited me to come.
AITA for not wanting to go to this wedding?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
So im (20M) and my mother recently passed away a couple of months ago in February, and her and my dad were married for 38 years together. Me and my siblings had a really close relationship with her, she was our best friend, the glue that kept the family together. But maybe only a month after her funeral, my father was already starting to go on dates again. Me and my siblings thought it was weird at first but we didn’t think anything of it.
Continue on down the line, he reconnected with a woman that he knew years ago, from when he was in his teenage years, and seemingly she saw the video of my moms funeral online and texted my dad on facebook, wanting to check in with him, and see if he’s alright.
After that point, a couple weeks later he then sat down and told me, my brother, and my sister in law that he’s talking to someone new, but they were just friends talking. Well, a couple months later after that point, I started seeing my dad less and less each weekend, until he just has the routine of always leaving Friday and not coming back until Monday because she lives in Ohio. And the more he went, the more they got closer until they started dating for a bit, and then got engaged. They’ve even started building a house together down where me and my dad live, which im moving into because im still a college student.
At this point, neither me or my siblings agreed with the fact that he was doing this as we felt it was weird. My brother even cutting off contact with him for a bit because of it. We’ve explicitly told him we don’t want to see her, or have anything to do with this new woman in his life. But as stubborn as he is, he keeps bringing her around after we tell him no.
Now they’re planning on having their wedding in December in Ohio, and they invited me to come.
AITA for not wanting to go to this wedding?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my dad invited me to his wedding and wants me to be there when I told him no, and I don’t want to go. Im afraid he would feel disrespectful by it, and that im being unfair in some way. But its just way too soon after my mom passed away.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. He is not the stubborn one here.
Nta this relationship is moving too fast for you & that’s ok.
Dating, engagement and marriage within 10 months of your wife’s passing. That’s definitely too fast. I hope he gets a change to see someone (therapist?) before his marriage just to make sure this isn’t a grief response.
NTA. You’re not required to go. These stories make me shake my head…getting remarried 10 months after a spouse of 38 years passes is certainly one way to move on. New wife kind of sounds like a vulture.
NTA. My condolences for your mother. If I was in the same situation, I wouldn’t want to go either, especially considering how he started dating almost right after you mother passed away.
Out of respect at least, I would appreciate if the wedding was pushed back.
OK, your dad moved on, that’s his thing, it’s not necessary right or wrong. But it would be inappropriate if he or his future wife pressed you and your sibling about attending, when the wound is still so fresh.
YTA! He has a right to do what he wants, see who he wants, marry who he wants. You may not like the time frame but that is your own personal opinion. If you and your siblings want to go no contact with him that’s on you guys. Only question I have is your dad happy? If so screw off with your judgments of him.
If you really don’t want to see this woman, then the only real option is moving out, because once the house is built, it won’t just be your dad’s place anymore, it’ll be theirs together. That means you’d essentially be living under her roof and her rules too, and that could create even more tension for you. I know it’s tough while you’re still in college, but it’s something you need to think through carefully before deciding what’s healthiest for you in the long run. Maybe time to start looking for a roommate.
NTA, your grief is still very fresh and your Dad is moving on rather fast. It’s okay not to attend, it’s your father’s responsibility to show understanding.
NTA for feeling how you feel. To me it seems sketchy that only a month after your mother passes he starts dating. Do what feels right to you.
NTA If you don’t want to go to the wedding for whatever reason, don’t go. I am quite a bit older than you and you’ll find, in time, some people can’t be alone. Your father definitely is rushing things but if he marries in haste and lives to regret it, it’s his life to live and screw up.
NTA. This feels more like dad is trying to fill a void. I can’t imagine this will last long. And if you’re not ready for this, you don’t have to be.
NTA.
My condolences on the loss of your mom.
You and your brother don’t get votes in your dad’s love life. Yes, it’s fast for them. That’s not that unusual, in my experience. Your dad has likely never lived alone and not had someone do almost everything for him and he doesn’t want to do it himself.
My grandparents had been married for 55 years when my grandma died. Grandpa remarried within a year to someone they were friends with, her and her husband, way back in their early married years. One of my aunts was discombobulated by the quickness of their relationship, but she was hoping to become “the matriarch” and take him in. Grandpa was too independent for that. They were married for 20 years.
You may need to rethink your living arrangements. You may not be invited to live with them. That’s their decision. Welcome to adulthood; it sucks sometimes.
NTA, but remember, men have a hard time staying single at that age. He’s looking for cook and maid, a companion, and other stuff we won’t go into.
Try not to take it too personally.
NAH here. You are still processing the lost of your mom. And your dad is scared of being alone after this long marriage. I am not sure this new marriage will be good, nobody sure, but I can understand him trying to be with someone. I bet you are not going to live with him forever, so let him go with his own life.
I understand the sentiment and difficulty you might be having with imagining your dad moving on so quickly but some of the tone of this post are questionable to me.
Have you given this woman a chance, at all? Has she done something to make you dislike her? How are you considering your dad’s happiness in this situation? Have you asked him to help you understand how it is he is able to move on so quickly?
Yes, it’s quick. That’s not a great look. But if he was a loving and doting husband for 38 years, this does not have to mean he loved your mom any less. People are allowed to seek companionship and a big part of me feels you should be happy if he has found it, especially if the woman he connected with is overall a positive influence. You and your siblings don’t get to ‘agree’ or ‘disagree’ because it’s not your call. I suppose maybe you meant you don’t fully support it, which is fine but I think you should tread carefully about how much you push against their relationship.
My point is, your priority should be your dad’s happiness and there is seemingly NO consideration of that in this write-up. So I’m leaning YTA. You really think your dad deserves to lose more of his family over this choice?
NTA. But I wonder if he’s just not used to being alone and feels like he needs to be with someone. Could also just be masking the pain. Did your parents have a good relationship?
NTA. You and your siblings are still grieving and he is asking you to set your feelings aside and come to his wedding. He is allowed to move on and get married, but he should also consider your feelings and accept that you aren’t ready to move on yet.