I (27F) and my husband (28M) had a beautiful baby girl in the end of 2024. My sister in law (21F) sadly had a miscarriage the beginning of 2025 and now posting my baby on all of her social media, passing baby girl as if she is her baby. Her posting my baby I am a little annoyed but what annoys me most is that whenever she is around my baby she takes her away from me and does not let go of her unless my husband asks for her. I talk to my husband, all he says she is grieving and that it’s a good our baby has someone that loves her. AITA for making this a “big deal” seeing she is still grieving?
Doing some clarifications: SIL posting she will have a picture of baby in her arms and her boyfriend stating “my worlds” or will post “my baby” not necessarily claiming her but hinting at it .
Second clarification, she takes baby girl to the other room and won’t come out until my husband goes to take her or, my MIL takes her from her.
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I (27F) and my husband (28M) had a beautiful baby girl in the end of 2024. My sister in law (21F) sadly had a miscarriage the beginning of 2025 and now posting my baby on all of her social media, passing baby girl as if she is her baby. Her posting my baby I am a little annoyed but what annoys me most is that whenever she is around my baby she takes her away from me and does not let go of her unless my husband asks for her. I talk to my husband, all he says she is grieving and that it’s a good our baby has someone that loves her. AITA for making this a “big deal” seeing she is still grieving?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am feeling annoyed for someone that went through a miscarriage and trying to set boundaries for being with my baby
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. That behaviour is a sign that your SIL needs mental health help ASAP. She isn’t safe for your baby to be around, this kind of thing can escalate to her literally thinking your baby is hers – she could try to abduct your baby. Don’t let anyone sweep this under the rug as ‘ she is just grieving’. Keep your baby away from her and insist she get to a mental health professional.
NTA. Wanting to hold your baby is fine. Not wanting to give your baby back to YOU is NOT fine. Posting your baby like it’s her own……..that’s unhinged and needs to be shut down immediately.
Just for clarification, is she actually saying on social media that your daughter is hers or is she just posting so excessively that it seems that way to you? If it’s the 2nd, a conversation about boundaries is in order. If it’s the first……..she needs therapy to help work through her grief and a time out from seeing your baby because that is unhealthy.
NTA, but it’s a soft AH for SIL, sounds like she needs therapy more than censure at this point.
I feel like this is not AITA-grade material. This is more: how do we keep a crazy person away from our family-material.
Anyhow, in case this post survives the next half hour, NTA.
NAH
just spend less time with SIL
NTA for being concerned.
Cuddling and getting comfort from spending time with a baby: good
Refusing to return the baby as requested by the mother: bad
Pretending that the baby is the baby who was never born: bad
How can she heal if she pretends there was no loss?
NTA! I would forbid your SIL from coming over until she changes her behavior. She is grieving her miscarriage, that does not give her the right to treat your baby as a replacement. She needs counseling and grief therapy and she needs to remove any social media posts about your child immediately unless your ok with them. That’s a huge no.
NTA-also no one should be posting pictures of someone’s else child all over social media. I don’t think SIL should be allowed to hold or photograph your baby any more.
NTA. I understand her behavior to an extent but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong to be concerned about it. Exactly how is she passing your baby off as her own? Is she simply posting photos or is she making explicit or implied references to it being her child? As for the ‘does not let go of her unless husband asks’ do you mean she will refuse to return her if YOU ask? If that’s a ‘yes’, you have every right to stop bringing your child around her. This is beyond simple love and protectiveness, this is possessiveness. If your husband cannot see the difference, you have a husband problem on top of a SIL problem.
You can be supportive of her during her grief and still have boundaries as to what you’ll tolerate in terms of treatment of your baby.
Your SIL needs help. I wouldn’t let her in the house. I wouldn’t let her have access to photos. It’s really demented that she is posting photos of your baby and claiming it’s her’s. Can you talk to her parents and partner? She is in desperate need of psychiatric care. NTA
NTA this is not healthy behaviour.
Your husband needs to realise that you are the parent and have a say in this. Your SIL needs to give you your child the moment you ask. And if she does not then you are entitled not to give her the baby at all.
You can start by not giving her baby the moment she tries to take her.
I’m sorry for her loss but this is your baby not hers. She needs therapy.
It might be best to keep some distance for a while.
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Wow. Your compassion is astounding and exemplary.
NTA but Hubby’s right, she’s grieving but not dealing with it in a healthy way. Perhaps you could both have a sit down talk in a non confrontational way and encourage her to seek therapy.
What she is doing is not ok and not healthy for the baby or for her. You need to make it clear to your husband that grieving or not, this needs to stop. If your husband won’t cooperate then you need to insist on marriage counseling so that he can see how problematic this is.
First, quit sharing pictures with her. Let her know no more posting pics of your child. When she has a child of her own, she can fo as she pleases. Next, if you have a baby sling to wear, use it next time she comes over. YOU will decide if or when she can hold baby, and if you want her back, she has to give back immediately, or she won’t get to hold again. Last, if she keeps running over your boundaries, severely limit her being around you and child. It can be great she loves your child and hopefully is helping her cope with losing her own. Just need her to recognize you have final say.
NTA
As someone who lost a baby, this is her not coping or grieving, she’s cosplaying being mum and using your baby to do it. She needs help.
NTA. Your SIL needs to get some counseling and grief therapy. I would not share photos of your baby, so that she cannot do so either. She has no right to take your child and refuse to give her back, do not invite her to your home or allow your in-laws to take the child from your home.
Some women who experience the type of unfortunate events that have befallen your SIL may experience severe emotional distress. This, in turn, can cause intense grief and create destructive coping mechanisms. The family seems to only see what they want to see in terms of her behavior – you need to take a break from your SIL having any access to you or your child.
NTA, your husband should step up, it’s his sister after all. Next time she tries to take the baby away from you just say no. Hit the D.A.R.E. move on her.
NTA – I think your SIL may need some professional help. I feel bad for her because miscarriages are really hard to go through, and it must be difficult for her to be around babies in general while she is trying to recover. It seems like she developed an unhealthy coping mechanism. I totally understand why you are annoyed. Her behavior is not normal, and I would continue to address the situation with your husband because it’s his responsibility to gently talk to her about this to set some boundaries and not yours.
My wife is extremely close with her brother and then subsequently his kids. It’s an awesome resource to have an aunt that loves your kid and wants to be involved.
I would never let her hold my child again.
She sounds like she needs to be on a psych hold
DO NOT ALLOW YOUR SIL TO HOLD THE BABY ANYMORE. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR SIL TO TAKE THE BABY OUT OF YOUR SIGHT.
DO NOT LEAVE SIL ALONE WITH THE BABY.
your SIL needs some help with coming to terms with her loss. Your baby is not her replacement .
Calling her “my baby” and disappearing into a room with her and refusing to give her back are all 🚩🚩.
This isn’t good for SIL at all. She is clearly pretending the baby is hers, and that isn’t letting her heal or move forward. I wouldn’t let her come around for awhile.
NTA/NAH. She is grieving and that may explain her behavior but doesn’t necessarily have to excuse it. I’d be gentle about how you handle it as your SIL likely also needs support and family right now, but setting boundaries for your own comfort is OK; not wanting to be separated from your baby for the entire duration of a guest’s visits and not being comfortable with your child being posted all over social media by someone else are perfectly reasonable limits to your comfort. Especially if she is “passing the baby off as her own”; I really am not sure if that means alarming or possessive captions or selfies/pics of her holding the baby or something else, but either way maybe it’s time to start requiring that people ask permission from you before posting.
I would explain to your husband that true concern for SIL would be to gently stop this now just to make sure nothing escalates beyond control, and to encourage her to seek help sooner rather than later. Letting her attempt to form a maternal bond with your daughter is not as simple as “having another person who loves her”; your SIL needs to process her grief and understand that this is not her child and she cannot treat your daughter as her own child. Allowing her live out a fantasy is only going to hurt SIL in the long-run because at some point reality will hit, and it’s much easier to head this off kindly at the source than waiting and waiting until the confrontation has to be immediate, harsh, and hurtful.
Majority of kidnapping cases happen from within the family, with a parent being unhappy about custody decisions. She sounds unhinged and in need of serious professional help.
NTA, this is not normal behavior. While you can allow for some exception because of the circumstances, my big question is, is your sister-in-law getting help? Is she working with a grief counselor?
She needs some help coming to grips with her terrible loss. This kind of attachment she has to your baby doesn’t seem right.
NAH, she needs help.
NTA
I feel sorry for your SIL, but your baby isn’t hers and her pretending it is won’t help her in the long run at all.
She needs grief counseling and not your baby.
NTA I would honestly go no contact and not allow her near my child. That’s creepy behaviour and a serious red flag. That’s a woman that’s considering kidnapping your child 100%, or at the very least does not respect that it is your child and not hers. Very concerning that she will not return the child to you, the mother, but will to her blood relatives.
NTA. If you have to see her I would dress baby in a onesie with a photo the both of you and “Mama’s baby girl” on it. Kick it up for the next visit a shirt with babe and your husband… “Dada’s baby girl”. SIL tries and posts photos she’s gonna get called out…especially when it implies she’s in a relationship with her brother! Baby is never alone with SIL anymore.
This is so strange and not normal at all. Grief can manifest in many ways. But her purposefully ignoring you while she has the baby is a huge problem that shouldn’t be excused by her sadness. Its a clear boundary that needs to be established. I wouldnt not let her in your house period she is not entitled to be around you if she’s making you uncomfortable and undermining your authority when it comes to your child. This is psycho behavior and she knows what’s she’s doing by posting vaguely like it’s hers. Shes fantasizing that the baby is hers and posting about it makes it real to her. Its like you have a lie and you tell it to ppl to make it feel more real. Same thing that kids often do. Could be harmless in some scenarios could be dissociation in other cases like this.
NTA but you have a husband problem. The fact she won’t give the child to you and only to your husband or MIL is a major issue. I get that she is grieving but that doesn’t mean you should have to put up with that at all. Its very odd that they are posting the pictures and implying they are the parents. None of this is healthy for SIL and its not good for you and your child. SIL needs professional help and I would tell my partner that SIL is still welcome but that he needs to establish a firm boundary that SIL needs to stop with the BS about disappearing with the child and only giving the child to him or MIL. That is not right.
Essentially your husband needs to be the one to take care of this.
She needs help. Don’t let her take your baby into another room. Don’t leave her alone with your baby. And if she is posting pics of your baby calling her her own, well… that’s so sad. She is so broken, understandably, but May break more. Tread carefully and encourage her to go to grief counselling
So wait…I’m confused. She only gives your baby back if your husband or MIL asks for/takes them from her? Do you ever tell her to give you your baby back yourself? If so, how does she respond to that?
NTA. Sounds like she really needs therapy, but taking the baby into another room & posting ‘my baby’ pix on social media is Not Okay. You can be sympathetic but firm. Husband needs to understand she’s taking this too far.
She may be trying to breastfeed the baby!
Annoyed would be a mild reaction to someone not handing back my baby. Keep her away until she gets mental health treatment
So every time she posts photos of herself with YOUR baby, you comment along the lines of “How wonderful that my daughter has such a loving aunt! Family for the win!”
As for her taking baby into a different room, go after her and take baby back, stating, “Baby needs her nap. Please let her sleep undisturbed.”
This isn’t normal behavior. Yeah, let her grieve but this isn’t a healthy way for her to do that. I would stop having the baby around her until she gets some actual help to work through her loss.
And I would have had some words with hubby for being so dismisive. This type of behavior can get dangerous very quickly if it isn’t taken care of. Losing a baby has a huge mental toll. It can make people act irrationally.
NTA
Don’t let her have the baby unsupervised and get her some medical help!