I just created this account to post here because I just don’t know where to turn to anymore to be fair.
I don’t even know where to start.
Okay, so I (26 F) have always loved baking. Since I was a little child. It brings me joy even if it’s a silly little act. Because of that I’ve slowly but surely become the designated cake, cookie and dessert person in my family. Birthdays? I bring cake. Easter? Carrot-Cupcakes. And every first Sunday of the month: Brownies. It’s kind of my thing and I honestly don’t mind. I like baking!
BUT. For my brother’s (30M) birthday last weekend, I decided to switch it up and make this over the top cheescake I saw on TikTok. I spent hours making it, decorating it. It had like 3 different layers, a biscoff crust, the whole deal. Looked pretty amazing if I do say so myself.
Well, I bring it to the party and I’m proud of myself. And before anyone can even try it. My SIL goes “OH thank god you didn’t bring one of your dry brownies this time. ” Everyone laughed, my brother made a joke about “we were all praying for no brownies” and suddenly I’m the butt of this ongoing bit.
The thing is, that i didn’t even know people thought my brownies were bad. I’ve been makingg them for years now. Everyone always ate them. Now I feel super embarrassed like I’ve been forcing bad baking on people and they just ate it to humor me.
I kind of snapped, threw the cake on the ground and said “Well next year you can buy your own damn cake then.” And I just stormed off. My younger sister told me that that made things strangely awkward.
So now I’m sitting here like…am I the asshole for being oversensitive about some dumb first-world problem dumb dessert joke? Or are they assholes for never telling me until now. Am I a drama queen?
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I just created this account to post here because I just don’t know where to turn to anymore to be fair.
I don’t even know where to start.
Okay, so I (26 F) have always loved baking. Since I was a little child. It brings me joy even if it’s a silly little act. Because of that I’ve slowly but surely become the designated cake, cookie and dessert person in my family. Birthdays? I bring cake. Easter? Carrot-Cupcakes. And every first Sunday of the month: Brownies. It’s kind of my thing and I honestly don’t mind. I like baking!
BUT. For my brother’s (30M) birthday last weekend, I decided to switch it up and make this over the top cheescake I saw on TikTok. I spent hours making it, decorating it. It had like 3 different layers, a biscoff crust, the whole deal. Looked pretty amazing if I do say so myself.
Well, I bring it to the party and I’m proud of myself. And before anyone can even try it. My SIL goes “OH thank god you didn’t bring one of your dry brownies this time. ” Everyone laughed, my brother made a joke about “we were all praying for no brownies” and suddenly I’m the butt of this ongoing bit.
The thing is, that i didn’t even know people thought my brownies were bad. I’ve been makingg them for years now. Everyone always ate them. Now I feel super embarrassed like I’ve been forcing bad baking on people and they just ate it to humor me.
I kind of snapped, threw the cake on the ground and said “Well next year you can buy your own damn cake then.” And I just stormed off. My younger sister told me that that made things strangely awkward.
So now I’m sitting here like…am I the asshole for being oversensitive about some dumb first-world problem dumb dessert joke? Or are they assholes for never telling me until now. Am I a drama queen?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) I threw the cake on the ground, I spent hours baking
2.) It’s a waste of food. It could be considered overdramatic. I didn’t consider my family and that that they would have to clean it up
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Well I think that’s awful( should have smashed it into their face like a bridal cake but more)
NTA. They mocked something you love and blindsided you with a “joke” at your expense after years of letting you bake for them. Smashing the cake wasn’t ideal, but your hurt reaction was valid. They should’ve been honest sooner instead of making you the punchline.
If you threw the cake on the ground, then they needed a new one this year, no?
Anyway, NTA, that sounds mean-spirited and ungrateful on their part.
NTA your family is ungrateful and graceless. They made things awkward. Not you.
YTA. You had a temper tantrum at 26. I’d go e s h, but there is a line between light teasing and being mean, and I have no idea if it was crossed.
NTA at all. They’re lucky the cake wasn’t thrown AT them.
NTA. You were the butt of a joke, behind your back for years. They get mad at you for having a pretty natural reaction to that??
Every single person involved owes you an apology.
And please, keep baking. Do you like your brownies? Do you think they’re dry? If you like them, keep on making them and enjoying them. If you think they’re right and the brownies are drier than you prefer, add more oil or whatever fat you’re using to make them more moist.
Regardless, you’re NTA and I’m sorry this happened to you.
You didn’t overreact. They mocked something you’ve lovingly done for years that’s hurtful, not funny. You deserved appreciation, not public embarrassment.
You definitely way overreacted by throwing the cake but they were objectively mean to you and it makes sense that you were really hurt. ESH, if you had just taken the cake and left it would be N T A.
Your reaction was rather extreme, but, really, your SIL humiliated you pretty badly and everyone essentially backed her up, so I’ll go NTA.
Throwing the cake on the ground was surprising, but your brother is a grown adult, and not having a cake this year won’t be too deep a mark.
Sadly, you may want to stop sharing baked goods with them. It’s to spare their taste buds, really.
NTA
NTA but I’m sorry you didn’t get to enjoy the cheesecake next time you gotta cut yourself a big piece, and smash the rest.
It would have been so much kinder to pull you aside at some point and say, “We love that you bake for us, but we don’t really like the brownies,” than to mock you in front of the whole family.
ESH. It’s shitty to have been mocking you behind your back, and then to have it burst out like that? Super hurtful. But throwing the cake on the ground is not exactly great behavior either. You could have simply made them all feel a lot of shame by telling them you work really hard baking for them all the time, and making you the butt of a joke instead of communicating like adults is not what you do with people you love. Then hand them the cake and tell them to enjoy it, because they won’t be getting any more baked goods for awhile.
ESH. They shouldn’t have called you out like that in front of everyone, but you threw the cake on the floor.
I think wasting food and having an immature emotional reaction to the needlessly shitty things your family said is an asshole move. You’re not wrong for leaving and feeling hurt, that’s completely valid. But I think you overreacted by ruining something you could be proud of and that you spent time and money on.
So, all in all, ESH, though their suckiness is orders of magnitude worse than yours, as it has been long lasting and coordinated, whereas yours was an over-the-top reaction to admittedly shitty “joke.”
NTA. Throwing the cake on the ground wasn’t the best move but I don’t blame you. They suck.
Lightly ESH. Them teasing about your brownies was obviously unkind. Even if they meant it as a joke, it was mean and not appropriate. I absolutely would have left the party and never baked for any of them again. That said, I do think that smashing a cake at your brother’s birthday party is a bizarre overreaction. They were obviously in the wrong, but you can’t tell me that smashing a cake wasn’t overly dramatic.
NTA
SIL was putting you down. Your brother was egging her on. No cakes for them again. She was probably jealous of you.
Who the hell would want to tell you your brownies suck? Everyone suspected you wouldn’t take it well!!!!
NTA. Give a tray of brownies to a friend outside of the family that you trust and get a neutral opinion. I’m willing to bet the brownies are fine. The problem is jealousy. Either way, never bake for these people again.
ESH
I was with you all the way until you threw the cake on the ground.
If you had simply said, “Well enjoy the cake because I won’t be baking for people who don’t respect me,” then left, they would be left feeling like the assholes.
You also could have said nothing at all and left with the cake.
Instead you gave them something to be upset with you about and an excuse to redirect their shame.
Your feelings were justified but your actions were not.
It was awkward because they were called on their shit. NTA.
I think the fact that you threw the cake tells you why no one gave you constructive feedback on your brownies.
ESH because your entire family needs to learn to use their words nicely, but has it occurred to you that they love you enough to eat dry ass brownies for years without complaining?
NTA. No one would eat my cake if they mocked my baking!
NTA, I don’t know that I’d have destroyed a cake I spent that much time, effort, and money on. I’d probably have taken it with me. Why no one ever told you is beyond me, I guess they thought they were being polite. But then to respond like this negates all that politeness of claiming to like the brownies.
If it makes you feel better, I’m one of the family bakers and I have a relative who’d sooner die than ever compliment my baking. He can do it better, he’d have changed this, he prefers that. Yet, he apparently raves to other people about my baking. Anyway, it just goes to show that some family are the MVP of AHs.
Anyhow, they can bake their own goodies going forward. Also, I have a pretty good brownie recipe tucked away somewhere, they’re quite moist and decadent. Hit me up if you want a copy.
While what they said was hurtful, your reaction was over the top and immature. You could have just said something to the effect of “Since you don’t like my baking you’ll be happy to know you won’t have to put up with it for your birthdays anymore after today.” and served the cheesecake or said the same thing without the “today” and just left with the cheesecake. Kind of the A.
>Now I feel super embarrassed like I’ve been forcing bad baking on people and they just ate it to humor me.
They ate it because they appreciated the effort you made and they didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
Yes, joking about it now was inappropriate and mean. But if they all agreed that your brownies are not very good, it is better for you to know than to keep up the charade… no?
They certainly could have approached this in a better, kinder, more tactful manner. But destroying the cake you made was an over-the-top reaction.
You should have expressed your hurt and your displeasure with your words. And after that, you can make the decision as to whether or not you want to spend the time and effort baking for them again in the future.
ESH
ESH
The laughter was mean but… have you considered they never spoke honestly about your baking because you have a temper? Throwing something on the ground, cursing, and storming away because they didn’t appreciate your baking is a bit much to me.
Don’t bring them anymore baked good sure, but maybe do some personal reflection as well.
ETA:
INFO: Did you clean up the cake you threw or leave it for someone else?
ESH. They embarassed you but then you acted like a toddler. Stop baking for all of them. They don’t deserve it. Create a baking circle with some friends.
In my opinion, NTA. That was a hurtful moment and I say smash that cake.
ESH SIL’s comment was mean, but if everyone backed her up I’d question if they maybe hadnt tried telling you previously about the brownies and they were too subtle when mentioning they might not like them.
Throwing a cake, especially a cheesecake, cream cheese isn’t cheap, is a huge waste and honestly you could have left and taken it with you.
My other side eye at you being a bit of an AH is that it was your brother’s birthday and this cheesecake wasnt a request… just something you wanted to do rubs me a bit the wrong way. If I was bringing someone a cake for their birthday Id be making a cake the birthday person wanted. Not surprise them with something else, kinda makes the brownie thing make sense if they were an unwanted addition to a spread.
ESH.
I’m sorry that they were mean about it and you were the butt of the joke. That’s embarrassing and it sucks.
But you overreacted and made it so much worse than it had to be. I don’t blame you for being mad, but dude you need to keep it together. You don’t help yourself by blowing up like that.
YTA and yes, you are a drama queen. You could have just rolled with it and then called them out about it later. You could have even played along and said with a smile “oh OK, if you don’t like my baking I guess I can bring this back home…” and pretend to walk away. But you will now forever be known as the lady who threw a cake on the floor. And everyone at the party is going to tell all their friends about what you did. Enjoy your notoriety.
You were fine until you threw the cake on the ground. Yes, you were being a drama queen and you’ve unfortunately given them more ammo to make fun of you now. You should have said exactly what you said and walked out with the cake. That turned this into an ESH for me. Previously I would have said you were not TA.
I was with you until you threw the cake on the ground like a child throwing a temper tantrum.
You at least could have taken it home and enjoyed it yourself.
Them: “You suck!”
Also them: “Why are things awkward now?”
NTA and folk saying that you were wrong for throwing the cake on the ground as if you were some toddler throwing a tantrum. Your family embarrassed and humiliated you. At that point they didn’t deserve the cake you made so you had the right to dispose of it how you saw fit. They are lucky it hit the floor and not their faces.
NTA.
I do think that throwing the cake was probably not the best idea.
But I’ve had people mock something. I thought I was good at, and it sucks.
Because how do you defend against that?
How do you trust that the things they’re complementing in the future aren’t just things they tolerate like the brownies?
I used to make what I thought were the best breakfast omelettes. Everyone would eat them, everyone always thanked me, they finished every bite.
And then I got told that actually no one really liked them and that they were just doing it because I had gone through the effort and didn’t wanna be rude.
But I’ve been making these omelettes since I was 12 and I thought I was the breakfast person. I thought that was my special little thing I was doing to help my family.
I was really proud of it. Everyone loved my omelettes, I was learning to cook, it led to all of us sitting down together and talking. And in reality, they were talking about my omelettes by my back and saying that they didn’t actually like them… Without trying to help me fix them
NTA but I’d stop supplying desserts to family events for a while if I was you. They need to actively ask for your treats going forward after SILs comments and their own lack of action.
I wouldn’t have destroyed food, take it with you and if you don’t want to have a whole take it home then just give it to some friends who have kids on the way.
But yeah if you are the brings-dessert person and no one has mentioned it before, and eats your stuff, I’m being mean about what you have brought before is a TA move, and everyone reinforcing the AHness sounds like a terrible group of people.
YTA, they should have told you ages ago that your brownies aren’t good if that’s what they think, or it might have been meant as a joke that failed miserably, in any case your reaction was childish and waaaaay out of proportion, yes, total drama queen.
ESH. Your family are assholes but throwing cake on the ground was childish. I would encourage you to keep baking if you do it to relax or show love than do it for people besides your family. If you wish to get better maybe watch videos, baking shows, take a class, and practice. If I were you, I would never make anything for your family again but I would get so good at baking to prove them wrong. Maybe bring baked goods to work and neighbors. Invite friends over and ask for feedback. You have every right to be angry but use this as your family showing you how rude and hurtful they can be. Your baking should bring you joy and you should not bake for ungrateful assholes ever again. Reduce going to family gatherings or at the very least never make anything for them ever again.
ESH Your SIL making a comment like that, and your family continuing to joke was horrible. If they don’t like what you bake, they should have said something a long time ago – kindly and in an appropriate way.
I understand you were embarrassed and hurt, but throwing the cake on the ground was rather over the top. You could’ve brought it home, put it down and walked out, or several other things, but hindsight is always 20/20.
I would apologize for the reaction you had, but also explain that you had no idea people didn’t like your brownies, so you were embarrassed, the jokes made the whole thing worse, and in the moment, you simply reacted. Then I’d ask why they haven’t said anything until now AND why they let it play out like that.
Put it back on them to explain, and don’t bake a damn thing for them anymore.
I’m also the family baker, and some things have gone ober better than others. I get shit for the not great things, but at least my assholes do it in the moment, not later. I’m really sorry that happened to you.
NTA, fuck them and that cake!
YTA. It was crazy to literally throw cake on the ground instead of saying “if you had a complaint about the free dessert you should have said something at the time”.
You should have left with the cake and taken it home to eat it yourself.
Your family are aholes for mocking you and your cooking.
YTA. What your family said was way out of line, and I dont blame you for becoming angry. But throwing the cheesecake on the ground was a MASSIVE over reaction. You easily could have just informed them that they should have told you about the brownies earlier, or said that they were being rude and unappreciative. Heck, it even would’ve been better to just leave the party and take the cheesecake with you. But throwing it onto the floor and making a huge mess wasn’t ok; and I think that deep down you already know that.
Your families behavior sucked, but there was no need to escalate to a full blown tantrum.
I really can’t imagine someone throwing a cheesecake on the ground. The fancy ones take so much work and to just waste all that effort.
Insane. You should have just taken it back home with you.
NTA though, you made the cake so it’s yours to do with as you please. It is never fun or okay to be the butt of a family joke.
Info: did your SIL or brother bake/buy a cake for your brother’s birthday ?
Because if your brownies are so awful, they should have another cake to avoid your brownies ruining his birthday. This is the best way to avoid eating a bad cake without saying that it is bad. “I really like your brownies but I wanted a strawberry cake to celebrate Jack’s birthday to make it really special”.
If they didn’t bother, I think that your brownies are fine but people were happy to test another kind of cake because brownies once a month when you do not love brownies is a little bit too much (and your sister is rude. Just saying that you are glad to try another kind of cake would have been far better).
>that made things strangely awkward
Interesting how that made things awkward and not your family having a years long inside joke at your expense being shoved in your face.
NTA.
ESH maybe they arent honest because you lose your shit and throw things 🤷♀️
NTA, and that must have been painful. Cooking for someone is an act of love, and to have it thrown in your face like that must have been humiliating, so your knee jerk reaction is understandable.