I got my wisdom tooth taken out a couple days ago and am in severe pain. I think i have a dry socket and this morning I asked her if she thought it was normal the swelling and pain. She said yes!
I went to go pick up HER GROCERIES, swollen, in pain. Then I get back and after hearing some others opinions, I asked her again. She freaked out and screamed “You are so fucking dramatic! It’s a wisdom tooth. My god!”
I said flippantly “Chile if this is dramatic and pushing your patience to its limits do not have children. God bless you when you have a daughter.” I said it in a funny light hearted tone. She is 10 years older than me and sometimes likes to treat me as i’m her child. She’s very controlling at times almost like a mother would be because of the age gap. I am 24 she is 34. Both single.
I asked her twice in one day while because I was clearly anxious and in pain. Her reaction seemed completely uncalled for. Especially when i’ve always reassured her when she is anxious (which happens after every weekend). She’s talked about countless trivial interactions multiple times over weeks and weeks and I have patiently listened.
She always bickers back and forth with our younger brother who is autistic. Yelling at him and demeaning him to the point he has breakdowns and cries. She doesn’t have the patience to explain things to him either and MAYBE that could also be a reason i’ve been holding some sort of sentiment that she cold and reactive.
Anyways she replied “That’s so fucked up,” And i simply said “Honestly I was mostly joking but if me asking you about my wisdom tooth once in the morning and once right now, while i’m in pain, sets you off then jesus. I hear children, teens and young adults are much worse 😂Chile anyways!”
HINDSIGHT, i regret saying that bc she takes it to heart when all im saying is she has zero patience for anyone but herself. So maybe I am the asshole and i have some resentment built up for the way she treats my younger brother and myself at times. I think she wants to have kids, In all honesty I didn’t think it’d hurt her to be that upset. I do feel terribly apologetic for that.
So AITA for saying she doesn’t have the patience for children.
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I got my wisdom tooth taken out a couple days ago and am in severe pain. I think i have a dry socket and this morning I asked her if she thought it was normal the swelling and pain. She said yes!
I went to go pick up HER GROCERIES, swollen, in pain. Then I get back and after hearing some others opinions, I asked her again. She freaked out and screamed “You are so fucking dramatic! It’s a wisdom tooth. My god!”
I said flippantly “Chile if this is dramatic and pushing your patience to its limits do not have children. God bless you when you have a daughter.” I said it in a funny light hearted tone. She is 10 years older than me and sometimes likes to treat me as i’m her child. She’s very controlling at times almost like a mother would be because of the age gap. I am 24 she is 34. Both single.
I asked her twice in one day while because I was clearly anxious and in pain. Her reaction seemed completely uncalled for. Especially when i’ve always reassured her when she is anxious (which happens after every weekend). She’s talked about countless trivial interactions multiple times over weeks and weeks and I have patiently listened.
She always bickers back and forth with our younger brother who is autistic. Yelling at him and demeaning him to the point he has breakdowns and cries. She doesn’t have the patience to explain things to him either and MAYBE that could also be a reason i’ve been holding some sort of sentiment that she cold and reactive.
Anyways she replied “That’s so fucked up,” And i simply said “Honestly I was mostly joking but if me asking you about my wisdom tooth once in the morning and once right now, while i’m in pain, sets you off then jesus. I hear children, teens and young adults are much worse 😂”
HINDSIGHT, i regret saying that bc she takes it to heart when all im saying is she has zero patience for anyone but herself. So maybe I am the asshole and i have some resentment built up for the way she treats my younger brother and myself at times. I think she wants to have kids, In all honesty I didn’t think it’d hurt her to be that upset. I do feel terribly apologetic for that.
So AITA for saying she doesn’t have the patience for children.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Told my sister she shouldn’t have children.
2. I think she may want to have children although we haven’t discussed it much. Me saying oof you shouldn’t is basically
me saying she wouldn’t be a fit parent. No one wants to hear that even if it’s true. Yet at times I feel she treats me like her kid and i truly worry for her kids in the future, it’s not my place to be cruel over her being rude and lacking patience. The comment I made doesn’t seem = to her screaming at me, it’s below the belt.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH. As someone that’s had dry socket and 3 c sections, dry socket is the worst pain ever. But honestly I find it strange your lives aren’t more separated at this point anyways. Do you all live together?
My question is this, why did you go pick up her groceries if you just had your wisdom, tooth pulled, and you’re in pain?
Your sister is an asshole. Why the hell are you asking her for medical/dental advice? She sounds like a nightmare to deal with and would be a terrible mother.
NTA
ESH
Yes, she clearly sucks.
But, how someone treats and responds to their sibling is not indicative of how they’ll be as a parent.
This is the only answer needed
NTA
Don’t worry, I think she uses good birth control: her personality.
>She is 10 years older than me and sometimes limes to treat me as i’m her child
Sounds like you also expect her to mommy you. Your mouth hurts and is swollen? What is she supposed to do about it?
ESH. She could stand to be more patient, but also you and your brother are not her responsibility.
You went for a low blow. Please google “Shrödinger’s douchebag”.
ESH
Don’t pretend that this was “funny and light-hearted”. Your sister doesn’t sound particularly kind in this scenario but you sound like you tested her patience. Why keep asking her if SHE thinks your pain is normal? How is she supposed to know? Is there a history of parentification between you two, by any chance?
NTA, getting your wisdom teeth out can be a bitch and a half. You probably shouldn’t have picked up her groceries if you didn’t feel well.
YTA
It sounds like she’s been looking after you and your brother for a long time now and a wisdom tooth really isn’t the end of the world.
Btw, people tend to have more patience with their kids than with their siblings.
ESH. Your sister for having you do groceries and you for hitting below the belt over nothing.
Also, go to the dentist if you’re so worried. What are you asking your sister for? She doesn’t know.
I’ve had all of my wisdom teeth removed (not all at the same time), and unless they ripped them out of your head with no anesthesia, the site should not be hurting days later. At most, days later it would hurt when you open your mouth too much, but from the anesthesia leaving your system and your jaw having been pricked and prodded, and it’s just a dull ache at times.
ESH –
YTA for telling her your opinion. NTA for having that opinion.
YTA. I honestly am insulted you bring your bother in to this. I don’t think this had anything to do with him. This was you going to her like she was your mother with an ouchie, and getting upset she didn’t mother you.
Why are you asking her about your pain? You are 24. If you think you should call your doc, call your doc.
ESH Why are you repeatedly asking your sister instead of oh maybe calling whoever did the extraction? Her for being dismissive and impatient you again for your nasty crack about children.
Okay, so dry socket advice here. I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed at the same time and got extreme dry socket in both bottom ones. I’d broken bones before but nothing had ever hurt like that. And pain meds didn’t work because they made me hurl immediately whenever I took them.
I went back to the dentist and he used a plastic syringe to fill the sockets with some kind of antibiotic paste (I don’t know, that’s what it looked like). The pain disappeared like he flipped a switch, just poof, gone. I may have offered to have his babies I was so ecstatic.
Go back to the dentist and get treatment. Don’t just suffer through the pain.
I won’t weigh in on if you were an asshole or not, because I know how painful dry socket can be and no one is at their best when in pain.
NTA.
You should be able to point out her behavior and how it’s a flaw without letting your sorrow for hurting her feelings make you backtrack. You’re right, if she does behave like this then she shouldn’t have kids anytime soon. She’s not ready and won’t be until she acknowledges this issue
You not backtracking, saying its just a joke or minimizing it to resentment…MAY help her realize this and be better
You should call your oral surgeon/provider (aka person who is qualified to answer you) who removed your tooth about your wisdom tooth issue, not your sister (who is clearly not the one who removed your tooth).
YTA. Calling the appropriate person to begin with would have eliminated all of this. Don’t call a non-medical person for medical advice and then insult them when they give an unqualified answer.
That’s a pretty serious insult. It isn’t funny. It isn’t something to joke about. Call you sister and thank her for taking care of you – she’s not your parent, despite the fact you treat her like she is.
YTA – your sister isn’t a dentist call the one who pulled your tooth and ask them.
ESH – name calling or saying shitty things to each other is uncalled for.
ESH but mostly YTA. Why are you asking your sister instead of just going to the dentist and getting it taken care of? And then lashing out about your personal opinion about her non-existent children and her hypothetical parenting skills? Your family sounds fucked up, you should be able to take care of your own toothache without your sister having to hear your unhinged insults. I suggest therapy for regarding the behavior you seem to feel entitled to about insulting people instead of fixing your own problem.
ESH. I don’t know why you’re picking up her groceries when you just had dental surgery. She shouldn’t have made you do that. But unless she’s a dentist I don’t know why she would know anymore about what’s normal than you or google. Call the dentist if you’re concerned.
Your comment was out of line and kind of mean, especially if she’s single at 34 and still hoping to become a parent. She might be feeling that clock and your comment made it worse.
Listen, sounds like there is some unhealthy relationships here so I’m going with ESH.
Honestly, you could both use some therapy to work through why you feel the way you do.
She shouldn’t have disregarded your pain.
You shouldn’t have gone for the “mean joke” low blow.
ESH.
Why are you picking up groceries when you just had oral surgery? You’re going to pop your sutures and get dry socket
You’re not her child, you’re a grown adult. I’m a good mom to my kid, but I also would be annoyed by a grown adult asking me to parent them. The two are fully unrelated.
Your sister isn’t your mom. She doesn’t have to be as patient with you as she would be with her own small child, because you are neither a small child nor her child. If you don’t like her opinion on whether your pain is normal, ask a different person (preferably one who is in any way qualified to answer that question).
Esh- she didnt need to scream at you and you didnt have to tell her shed be a bad mother. You both suck here, hug it out and move on.
NTA – honestly, any tooth extraction can cause pain and if it’s as bad as you say, go back to the dentist.
NTA – Even if it was wrong to say, you were in pain and she totally deserved it for being unsympathetic.
NTA I often joke with friends similar to this all the time and they joke the same way back. And even if you meant it genuinely you’re kinda right. You asked her opinion twice in a somewhat short time span and even though you were helping her out when frankly you shouldn’t have bc you were in pain (bc for some reason doctor didn’t give u pain meds???) and she lashed out at you and said ur being dramatic. You’re right, kids are a LOT more dramatic
Dealing with a younger sister and dealing with your own children is completely different. If shes 34 and single that might be a touchy subject. I woukda called my sister a b and moved on, not thrown in her face she’ll be a bad mom.
As an older sister and parent, NTA. You asked twice. Kids are way worse. I mean, they are the light and love and amazing things in life, but they are also way worse!
ESH why are you asking your sister multiple times if you have a dry socket and your in pain? What does she know that would have helped you more then contacting a doctor or dr. Google?
At that point she was probably annoyed that your complaining and asking questions to someone not qualified to help.
ESH
NTA but I wouldn’t try to be nice to her again. Just be civil and self-contained. If you don’t move out for med school you’ll need great boundaries to get through it.
YTA in this specific issue. Attacking someone’s fertility and motherhood is a low blow and downright sociopathic thing to say. Especially if the recipient is a single woman in her mid 30s … I agree with her, it’s a fucked up thing to say.
But you guys should live separately. This isn’t about you whining about your tooth aching and she snapping at it, you guys obviously have some gears to grind and there’s some tension and toxicity.
You could have picked literally anything else to say. “Why are you being such an effing cow, I’m in pain and I’m your sister and please love me a little here” would get the same idea across. No, you went straight to the nuclear warheads and literally told your sister that you think she would be a horrible mother and you kind of wish that she dies alone. What the fuck.
She could be an amazing mother, you don’t know that. And you are not a child, especially her child. Although you do have some growing up to do …
Light ESH. You were returning the energy she gave you, unproductive as it was but she didn’t have to be nasty to you either.
I honestly don’t get all the “parentification” talk Nobody parentified this grown woman by asking her a question. Not even if they asked twice. Asking a family member their opinion when you’re a little worried about your health is not “parentification”, not even if they’re older than you. This is at best siblings having a spat.