I turned 18 about a few months ago, and as soon as I turned 18, my ‘rent’ that my mom makes me pay, went up by 100%. I already paid 200 a month since 16. But now, that is 400. If I do not pay, I get kicked out, and I don’t have any other family alive anymore :/
I was able to make ends meet with my job, but it kept getting harder and harder to keep up, because I also have to pay for school books, tuition, transport, and my own food
Then, about a month ago, I got a severe concussion. I can not work because of it, and I had to pay a lot of medical bills that my insurance did not cover. I took out a loan with my bank because I was struggling so badly to pay. Now, I have debts with the bank, and need to pay them 400€ in 3 days.
Today, my mom asked for another 200€ for the half of rent i did not pay yet. I snapped. I left. I’m staying the night right now at a friend’s. I still need to pay these debts.
I don’t want to go back. And I don’t want to (and can’t even) pay her more money.
But I know she will struggle or get evicted if I don’t help with pay. Because I have so many younger siblings.
I now need to find 400€ in 3 days, but because of my severe concussion I can not work.
I have a very unclear relationship with her and a very unhealthy view of a parental relationship.
AITA? I feel so scared and lost
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I turned 18 about a few months ago, and as soon as I turned 18, my ‘rent’ that my mom makes me pay, went up by 100%. I already paid 200 a month since 16. But now, that is 400. If I don’t not pay, I get kicked out, and I don’t have any other family alive anymore.
I was able to make ends meet with my job, but it kept getting harder and harder to keep up, because I also have to pay for school books.
Then, about a month ago, I got a concussion. I had to pay a lot of medical bills that my insurance did not cover. I took out a loan with my bank because I was struggling so badly to pay. Now, I have debts with the bank, and need to pay them 400€ in 3 days.
Today, my mom asked for another 200€ for the half of rent i did not pay yet. I snapped. I left. I’m staying the night right now at a friend’s. I still need to pay these debts.
I don’t want to go back. And I don’t want to (and can’t even) pay her more money.
But I know she will struggle or get evicted if I don’t help with pay. Because I have so many younger siblings.
I have a very unclear relationship with her and a very unhealthy view of a parental relationship.
AITA?
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> I refuse to pay my mother money any more because I am in debts. I may be the asshole because this leaves my mom to suffer alone and probably will get her into financial trouble
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At 18 you have collateral for a loan?
Can you get disability since you can’t work because of your concussion? I had to pay rent too when I was your age. Not sure how much it translates in your country, but I was paying $400 a month 30 years ago. My parents also needed the income I brought in. I kind of resented them my entire life for it. They made everything incredibly difficult for me .
Nta? Bro what, get out. This is called financial abuse and is just like other types of abuse. You need to look into services to help get yourself into a better place. There are social safety nets for this type of thing. If you’re in uni/ college, look into their housing and talk to an actual guidance counselor or representative. If you have to take out student loans (or the equivalent over there), do it.
It’s not easy, but your mom has already turned her back on you. Good luck.
NTA because no parent should even be making a sixteen year old pay 200€ a month in the first place. Your mom is irresponsible. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
You are NTA. It is not your fault if your mom can’t pay her bills. Asking you for help is one thing. Your mom sounds abusive. I’m sorry you have siblings that will suffer from your mom’s poor choices, but you are not the scapegoat or the martyr.
Sorry to hear this. Sounds unreasonable to charge you rent, etc. because you’re still in university. If your mom can afford it, why not at least provide you with food and free shelter? Our kids lived at home for free all through college. If we don’t help our own children, who should we be helping? In these uncertain economic times, young people are struggling. A small sacrifice on the part of the parents can make a huge positive difference in their child’s life. Always wonder why some parents are so reluctant to make it.
NTA! You are not responsible for your mother or her living arrangements. She has been financially abusing you. This is a really tough situation all around. I would look into any support charities around, look into disability and anything else. Any place right now is better than living with your mother unless it’s on the street
NTA. Your mother is ultimately responsible for her own bills and to have “so many” young children she can’t afford to accommodate them is probably poor life planning on her part. Presumably she can look at social housing if needed if she can’t afford to continue where she is.
You should talk to a financial planner to get some guidance on your options (which might include declaring yourself bankrupt? Trying to get compensation for whatever caused your accident and stopped you from working?).
FYI it’s illegal for a parent to charge rent to an underaged child.
Who the fuck is charging a 16 year old rent?
If you are 18 and earning then ok but 200 dollars a month at 16.
I’m a dad of four young adults so I get the situation
NTA. Definitely financial abuse.
Check your country laws. I know in the US a parent cannot require a child to pay rent before a certain age. Your version of CPS (child protective services) would set her straight on that.
Check what your country’s services are like for low income. Some countries have housing and insurance specifically for low income.
I agree with what others here have said. You need to get out ASAP. Your mom’s living situation is not your responsibility. If she’s having this much issue paying bills, she should be looking for low income services herself.
You are obviously NTA…. Why would you even ask?
Can you get into student accommodation at your university? I used student accommodation as a way to escape a bad relationship.
The fact that she was charging you rent as a minor is wrong as hell and you shouldn’t be paying any now either. If you have friends who will help you, let them. Your mom chose to have you and your siblings. She should be supporting you at your age, not the other way around. She also shouldn’t be treating you like a burden. It sounds like she has some issues and will probably never change, i’m sorry.
NTA but if you talk in € what country – there are laws meant to protect you and limits in your uni spending, details please
NTA.
It sounds like you’re in the EU. As such you can contact your bank and arrange an extension on the payments. They should be amenable to this as banks very much like to recoup their money instead of not getting their money.
However, if you have taken out a short-term loan from a different lender then they can either ruin your credit score very quickly by demanding their money back or they can keep giving you more money to pay off the money you already owe them. All the while those short term lenders will be making money off of the fees involved each time.
If you’re a student then you should have access to a student overdraft, perhaps something for you to look at once your mind is clearer.
Regardless any reputable bank will not ruin your life over 400 euro’s. So you can relax on that front. What is concerning though is the fact your mother made you pay 200 (now 400) euro’s a month form the age of 16? That is not normal.
I would probably get off of this sub and go search out some of the personal finance subs for better advice on what your options are.
NTA. I’m curious about the laws of the country that you live in. For example, is it legal for your mom to charge you rent before 18 years of age? In a lot of western countries she would be completely responsible for taking care of you. Food, lodging, books, etc.
From a legal standpoint take care of the bank first, your mother second. Also check to see if you actually owe any money at all. If she was responsible for you until you were 18, but she still forced you to pay for your own care, I’d consider that she owes you that money back.
You may want to call protective services for your siblings. Also, ask them what options they may have for you.
NTA!. Ur mom’s been financially abusing you for years, charging a 16yo rent is insane.
None of this debt is on you, she created this mess….better off out of that house tbh.
NTA
Can you go back to the hospital and give them a heads up on your ability to pay. I expect that your inability to work would get you a break on those bills and a direction to social services for assistance. I’m in the US but the last time I contacting a hospital billing office due to an inability to pay, the payment amount was reduced, interest didn’t accrue and I got an email with links for local resources for food, housing, emergency funds, etc….
NTA. In the US, charging a minor child rent is illegal. It probably is in your country as well.
Your mom is selfish and will drown you to keep herself afloat. Her not being able to pay her bills is the result of her decisions in life. You are in no way accountable for those decisions or the consequences.
Do not let her destroy your life before it even begins.
Your mom was supposed to provide for you until you were an adult but she started charging you rent while still a child. It is not up to you to care for her. If she loses her home it is of her own doing, not yours.
I thought euro had healthcare. How you get concussion. Can you become a stripper in your country. Might be the financially smart thing to do
NTA. I suspect that the reason you’re feeling some guilt at the thought of your mother being evicted is because you’ve been conditioned for a long time to think of her as being more important than you.
Your actions and instincts about not wanting to go back there and not wanting to pay her are actually spot-on, OP. You are most definitely morally OK here.
It’s not your fault that your mother has been financially abusing you.
Don’t pay anyone now. Make them wait while You immediately check to see If you are able (in your state/country or state) file for legal bankruptcy. If you are eligible- You could legally wipe away a big chunk -and maybe All of your existing debts. They would be forever gone and you wouldn’t have to pay them ever. Then you could have a fresh start and you would only be responsible for paying your current living expenses out of your paychecks. Plus Lots of courts allow you to file the paperwork yourself snd you dont have to hire an attorney so you dont pay for one.
And you should ask if there is a form you can submit to request a waiver of the court’s filing fees. If you earn below a certain income level they are automatically granted
Im praying that this is an option that is available for you. It would be a huge weight off your shoulders and allow you to start a new life – that you deserve!