so i (19m) live at home still, and last year when my sister (21f) went off to college my parents said i could use her room since she wasn’t around. it’s bigger and honestly i’ve made it mine now. decorated, moved all my stuff, etc.
now she’s home for break and just started unpacking in “her” room like nothing changed. i told her i’ve been here for a year and it doesn’t make sense for me to move all my stuff back for a few weeks just cuz she’s visiting. she got mad and said i’m “kicking her out of her own room.” i even told her she can use my old one (it’s not that bad) and i’d help her set it up, but she won’t hear it.
parents are kinda on both sides but they get that i live here full time. she’s being super dramatic imo and not even talking to me now.
like i get it was her room but she hasn’t been here for ages and i don’t see why i should lose it just because she decided to come back. aita??
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so i (19m) live at home still, and last year when my sister (21f) went off to college my parents said i could use her room since she wasn’t around. it’s bigger and honestly i’ve made it mine now. decorated, moved all my stuff, etc.
now she’s home for break and just started unpacking in “her” room like nothing changed. i told her i’ve been here for a year and it doesn’t make sense for me to move all my stuff back for a few weeks just cuz she’s visiting. she got mad and said i’m “kicking her out of her own room.” i even told her she can use my old one (it’s not that bad) and i’d help her set it up, but she won’t hear it.
parents are kinda on both sides but they get that i live here full time. she’s being super dramatic imo and not even talking to me now.
like i get it was her room but she hasn’t been here for ages and i don’t see why i should lose it just because she decided to come back. aita??
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: Taking up my sister’s room when she no longer was using it
2: I took her room eventhough she was not using it and refused to give it back to her for a few days as its great work to pack all my things again
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Info: Do you pay rent?
You’re home full time, she’s not. It’s now your room. She had her turn.
NTA
Your parents are responsible for this situation.
They gave you permission to switch rooms but didn’t do it the right way. They should have informed your sister, and transferred possessions so she still has a room to come home to.
Seriously, your parents need to state in no uncertain terms that the rooms have been switched, and help her make her new space as she needs it.
You are both adults now; the older/younger dynamic is gone, and as she only visits now, she has no claim on the larger bedroom.
I have three kids and I kept bedrooms for about a year after kids moved out then started shuffling around younger kids. I did let them know while they were home that this would be happening, but it was more of an FYI.
Talk to your parents. They need to take the hit on this. It was their call and they handled it poorly.
Hope you and your sister get past this soon.
NTA
I thought this was normal. The oldest kid moves out, and the next oldest takes the room.
Actually, I N F O
Was your sister aware this was the plan when she moved out? Or at least, was she aware you had moved into her old room BEFORE she came home?
Or did she get home and find you moved in like her replacement?
Important information before I can make a decision
Edited after ops response
Nope, if she was aware, you are 100% N T A, especially if she didn’t even discuss that she wanted her old room back when she came back for visits?
Absolutely not, no. You’re completely in the clear imo
NTA. Oldest often gets biggest/best room, but forfeits it when they leave.
The alternative is obviously ridiculous: the best room would be unoccupied 95% of the time waiting for your sister to grace you all with her presence. She’s not that important! If she’s visiting, she can have the lesser room for the few days she’s there.
This is something that is really not up to you to judge, you can ask you parents to give a final verdict. It’s their house. Bring your concerns to them and let them decide, because they both love you and your sister equally.
And if their decision goes against your will, just accept it for a few weeks, that’s life my friend, sometimes we are in our rights, but the decision is not in our favor…
Info: did your sister know about this?
You’re nta.
But to add another pov as a sister myself:
Your sister is probably in a slight shock and feeling like she lost a part of her life. Moving out feels easy at first and then there’s a point at which you realize you’ll never that time of your life back.
Personally me and my sister we both moved out and i miss the time we all lived together as a family. She had her own room but she used to live in(occupy) mine when i moved out. I remember being mad and throwing an adult tantrum when i visited home and she didnt came out to greet me. Lol
Change feels ugly when you’re trying to battle your emotions and survive on your own. People can lash out
NTA
I’m the oldest, and I had the biggest room when I was living at home. At 18, I moved off to college and my middle sister moved into that room. When I came back, to visit and for breaks, I went to my my middle sister’s old room because the big room was hers now. Then when my middle sister went off to college, my youngest sister moved into the big room.
I lived at home for about a year and a half after I graduated. During that time my youngest sister stayed in the big room and I stayed in the other room.
Expecting nothing to change when you move out is ridiculous and entitled. Your sister needs to grow up.
NTA but your parents are for not immediately shutting your sister’s tantrum down. They gave you the room, and rightly so.
NTA. She doesn’t want to give up her security. Probably thinks the room will always be there for here. Even 5 or more years from now
NTA. The room was your sister’s childhood room. She is now an adult visiting her family
So she takes the guest room which now happens to be your old room
ESH – This should have been communicated BEFORE she came back, I understand your point BUT I also understand your sisters. Your parents should have handled it and told her.
It’s not her room anymore, you live there she can take the couch. if not she can find a motel.
Your parents messed up. Room ownership should have been discussed before your sister left for college so everybody would know the plan, whether it was for you two to switch rooms temporarily or to switch permanently or for her to keep her room.
You shouldn’t be mad at your sister, nor should she be mad at you. You should both be mad at your parents.
NTA
NTA You and your parents agreed it was now your room. Hopefully your old room was set up with her furniture so she could stay there when she came home for school holidays.
NTA, it isn’t your fault that your parents said you could move into your sister’s room. This is entirely on your parents for not communicating the new room arrangement to your sister. It is your room now.