I’m a 31-year-old woman. In my teenage years, I never thought I would fall in love or be capable of loving someone for life. I wasn’t a very romantic person. But at 19, I fell in love with someone. We dated for almost eight years and got married five years ago. He is the perfect man, and I have nothing to complain about.
However, my problem is something different. After marriage, I restarted my career and began working at a college. There, I met a fellow teacher. At first, we didn’t talk, but eventually, we started having conversations. He was a rare kind of person, and we strictly stayed in the friendship zone. But after a few months, one day, he told me he wanted to discuss something and asked me not to get angry. I agreed, and he confessed that he was physically attracted to me—madly so. He described it as a kind of adoration but assured me that he would never touch me without my permission. I told him that I would never cross that line because I love my husband more than myself, and no man in the world could persuade me otherwise. He accepted my response gladly, and we continued as coworkers and friends.
Just to be sure, I even asked him why he felt that way. I wondered if I had unknowingly given him the wrong impression. But he said it had nothing to do with how I acted—it was purely because of my character, confidence, and physique. After that conversation, I brushed the whole thing away from my mind.
Some time later, another teacher—the vice principal—who was also on good talking terms with me, expressed the same thing. He, too, was a different kind of man, a public speaker, and a social worker. These two incidents left me baffled. So, I decided to tell my husband. He just laughed and said they must be cursing him. Then I got pregnant, resigned from my job, and never heard from them in that way again. The first man is still a good friend.
Fast forward a year—I met my high school love, who had left me when we finished school. We were both happy in our lives. He was married with a baby. We happened to see each other here and there, and then, one day, he said the exact same thing to me. This wasn’t the first time he had taken such an approach. A few days before his wedding—back when I wasn’t married—he had asked me if I would reconsider my then-boyfriend and take him back. I had told him no, and he went ahead with his marriage. Now, years later, he was telling me he was still attracted to me. Again, I was left confused.
Then, I met another man through an activist group. He was also a different kind of person. We became friends over the years, but one day, he confessed his feelings for me. Once again, I said no. Unlike the others, he didn’t back down. Instead, he said he could never see me as just a friend anymore. After failing to make him understand my stance, I had no choice but to block him and end our friendship.
These experiences made me start thinking. Even though I never tried to seduce anyone or gave any indication that I wanted them, men kept developing these kinds of feelings for me. Was it because of me? I discussed this with my husband, and he assured me it wasn’t my fault. But somewhere deep inside, I still feel like it is. Now, I’m afraid to make new friends.
The thing is, none of these men are in love with me; it’s all just physical attraction.
Why..?
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Biology would be my bet Most men I’ve known have all been like this. They are attracted by physical beauty much more than we women tend to be. I don’t think it’s any deeper than that, nor something they have a lot of control over. They can control how they act about it however.
Not really it’s not your fault. Basically you are married women and they should respect that. 😅
>The thing is, none of these men are in love with me; it’s all just physical attraction. Why..?
In germany we say “hör auf mit dem schwanz zu denken”, “stop thinking with your dick”, n I don’t think I need to explain that. It’s pretty common, no idea why
I’m guessing you’re attractive and approachable. These guys feel comfortable telling you this.
Men fall easier, women fall harder
Yes to all of this but also a lot of people want what they can’t have (aka unavailable people) and then once they have them they lose interest. Maybe try making friends with women.
This is why men and women can’t be friends
If you were single this wouldn’t be weird, but it is definitely trash behavior since you are married. They were hoping you’d have an affair
I feel like women approach less just because that’s the current social climate. They instead prefer to ‘drop hints’.
I always check with other guys if someone is already committed. But asking out a married woman is slimy. Asking out a married woman that you work with is insane….
I think most are uncomfortable continuing friendships after confession because of orbiting? But if your husband is cool with it it’s whatever.
This is pretty normal stuff for women. Nothing to feel bad about.
As a man, it’s kind of embarrassing how our brains are wired.. I give myself the ick sometimes
man are ignored.
if you show the minimal interest in us, like talk to us, ask about us, we start to bond on a basic level.
and the most basic bonding is attraction.
You’re overthinking it … if you seem approachable and a man thinks that for some reason they have a chance you might say yes, they will try. It isn’t that deep. It happens to me all the time through my whole life and it happens plenty to just your average women especially if she’s friendly, open, and of course it will come from men that you dated in the past (even if they aren’t single yeah)… this is just life it doesn’t really mean that much about you. Although I will say the more passive, friendly, open and unassuming you tend to appear easier for guys to ask out as opposed to a really guarded and high maintenance women. I have definitely learned that just being very friendly and accommodating will get you asked out a bunch if you are at least average looking.
I don’t know about your particular situation but in general, if you are not happy your sub-conscious sends a message.
Don’t worry about it. Accept it.
I get hit on Everytime I leave the house 😭 you’re probably just an attractive woman. Also men will say anything to try and get into someone’s pants. They’re thinking with the wrong head.
biological isnt it, wired to population depends on it
Why is a man finding another man’s wife so attractive to the extent of shooting a shot? That’s peak buffoonery, to say the least. Have some self-respect, understand that you were late and purge those feelings ffs.
You must be attractive physically and /or personality wise, most people (men and woman) are attracted to nice looking people, this isn’t rocket science, why do you think actors / models make millions selling their image ?
Tbh, yea, we men get attracted and fall for someone nice way too easily. Like sometimes a pretty smile and a soothing voice is all it takes. It’s kinda embarrassing.😅