Me [29] and my boyfriend [33] live in a different country. My mom and my sister come to visit for a few days. I took friday off from work and we had plans to go on trips during the weekend. I asked my boyfriend if he would be willing to make pulled pork on friday, so he will also have lunch for weekend and we can eat it for dinner when we are home. He agreed, and it was decided I will buy meat friday morning.
The butchery close to our appartment didn’t have the meat so I texted him if I should buy it in the store (we bought meat for pulled pork there before). He said yes. Just to mention, butchery we normally buy meat is another 15 min walking.
Anyway, my mom wanted to try thai restaurant I was talking her about, I checked if it would be open on sunday or monday and it is closed then. Note that we live in small city and everything has weird opening hours. That friday was only day we could eat there. So I text my boyfriend to ask him if we can go eat there (also him) and pulled pork can be for tomorrow. He said ok, but if we come late he will eat something else, but he will make pulled pork for tomorrow.
When we come home he accused me of buying bad piece of meat, and that why was it problem for me to walk to other butchery. And said it was disrespectful of us that we went to a restaurant if he was making food at home. I said I understand it bothers him, apologised. But I don’t see it as problem. He is now not talking to me for a few days because I don’t find it disrespectful.
We ate it for two days after just not on friday.
So AITA for going to dinner with my mom and sister when we had food at home?
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Me [29] and my boyfriend [33] live in a different country. My mom and my sister come to visit for a few days. I took friday off from work and we had plans to go on trips during the weekend. I asked my boyfriend if he would be willing to make pulled pork on friday, so he will also have lunch for weekend and we can eat it for dinner when we are home. He agreed, and it was decided I will buy meat friday morning.
The butchery close to our appartment didn’t have the meat so I texted him if I should buy it in the store (we bought meat for pulled pork there before). He said yes. Just to mention, butchery we normally buy meat is another 15 min walking.
Anyway, my mom wanted to try thai restaurant I was talking her about, I checked if it would be open on sunday or monday and it is closed then. Note that we live in small city and everything has weird opening hours. That friday was only day we could eat there. So I text my boyfriend to ask him if we can go eat there (also him) and pulled pork can be for tomorrow. He said ok, but if we come late he will eat something else, but he will make pulled pork for tomorrow.
When we come home he accused me of buying bad piece of meat, and that why was it problem for me to walk to other butchery. And said it was disrespectful of us that we went to a restaurant if he was making food at home. I said I understand it bothers him, apologised. But I don’t see it as problem. He is now not talking to me for a few days because I don’t find it disrespectful.
We ate it for two days after just not on friday.
So AITA for going to dinner with my mom and sister when we had food at home?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I went to dinner with my mom and my boyfriend made food at home
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nah, you’re not the asshole here. Plans changed because your family was visiting and you wanted them to try the restaurant, that’s totally reasonable. He even agreed when you asked, so it’s weird for him to get mad after the fact. Sounds more like he’s holding a grudge over something small instead of just rolling with it.
NTA does he often berate you for insignificant things?
NTA. It’s never a healthy sign when your partner says something is okay, but punishes you for taking them at their word. It can be an annoying when plans shift around like that, but life happens. There are 3 issues here: a) he had the opportunity to ask you to go to the other butcher (or go himself) if the grocery store was a problem, but instead told you it was fine; b) he told you he didn’t mind you going out to the Thai place but then got mad about it, and c) the silent treatment is a form of punishment, and people in healthy relationships don’t punish each other; doing it for days is absolutely over the top.
You’re not the AH.
Plans changed because your mom wanted to try the restaurant and it was the only chance to go. You even invited your boyfriend and apologized afterward. It’s not disrespectful to enjoy a meal out with visiting family especially when the pulled pork was still eaten later.
Don’t be with someone who gives you the silent treatment. I have relatives who do that.
NTA. If a partner says something is okay, you must be able to take their word for it. Otherwise how can you ever trust them if they agree to something? You don‘t want to be with someone who constantly makes you second guess yourself.
This whole thing is just one red flag after another. He’s not talking to you for a few days over a piece of meat? Really? Immature. I hope you are not living together. Move on from this mess.
NTA. He sounds controlling.
NTA. You literally asked him if he wanted to join the restaurant dinner, and he said yes (with the note he might eat something else later). That’s not disrespectful, that’s flexibility. Meat quality gripe is a separate thing, but giving you the silent treatment over Thai food is way over the top
Your boyfriend is being pathetic. You shouldn’t have apologised. Your mother and sister are visiting from another country – if they wanna go to a thai restaurant, go to the restaurant! It’s not like he spent hours making the food and you said oh nah we’re going to a restaurant. It was decided in advance and you invited him too.
NTA what a despicable way for a grown man to act
I have no words.