Location: Tennessee
I got out of an abusive marriage in early 2023 and it left me a single mother to 5 kids. I’m still in the process of filing for child support on my ex husband, as my county has tried multiple attempts to serve him and failed. I make about $40K a year and already am on the struggle bus financially.
I got into my first relationship since my divorce early this year and fell pregnant pretty fast which I know was terrible timing and I feel horrible for it. The father broke up with me when I was about two months along because he couldn’t handle my stress and hormones ,but his true character started showing and he became very mean and cold towards me which caused emotional distress he couldn’t handle. He has not come to any appointments, he has not offered to financially help prepare for the baby although he admits he knows the child is his. I realized he has drinking problem although I don’t know the extent of it and doesn’t live the cleanest life, has a pretty dirty home and smokes inside the home as well ( so does his roommate which is a male I’ve never met ). He does have a good career and can afford a lawyer unlike me.
I’m pretty mentally stable and have my own home and have no vices, but I also acknowledge I cannot bring another child into my situation right now. My other kids have issues from not having a father figure and being raised by a single mom that works all the time, and I feel like this baby would have a better opportunity at life with a financially stable, two parent home. I have started to do adoption counseling through my OBGYN and local hospital. The father had claimed he will fight tooth and nail for the child, that he won’t allow me to do adoption, and he will get custody of the baby which is also a concern for me because I will be put on child support when I’m already financially responsible for 5 other dependents with no help from their father, but mainly because I feel like he needs to clean up the drinking and smoking and move into a home that doesn’t have cigarette smoke as SIDS and exposure to secondhand smoke is a concern for me. I still care deeply for the child’s well being despite considering adoption.
I am wondering what my rights are, if I’m allowed to proceed with adoption counseling without the father’s consent, and what will happen if I pursue it. Thank you.
Comments
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He can petition to get custody of the child once paternity is established. He can’t stop you going through the process and unless he objects, you won’t have a problem.
He will have to establish paternity since you are not married. But yes, he is entitled to parent his child, and family court will always try to have a child raised by biological family whenever possible. Drinking and smoking in the home, even if you could prove it, would not preclude someone from having custody of a child. You will definitely need a lawyer in these proceedings. You could terminate the pregnancy if you wish, although if you are beyond the first trimester it may be expensive and challenging. I also recommend getting a long-acting contraceptive, like an IUD, so you are not in this situation again in the near future.
You should contact an adoption attorney to discuss your options.
Especially before doing anything, like following the advice given above to lie about the child’s paternity to facilitate the adoption.