My gf (28F) and I(27M) have been together for just over a year now. During big arguments, she tells me that she wants to hurt herself, like hitting her head against the wall. When we’re physically together, she will scratch herself, and when we’re not together, sometimes I notice cuts in her fingers and wrist afterwards. She tells me that she’s never had these thoughts in her previous relationship.
I’m struggling to understand why this is happening and what role I might be playing in this behavior. What steps can I take to handle this situation in healthy and supportive way for the both of us?
TL;DR: girlfriend frequenlty says she wants to self-harm during fights. unsure how to address this.
Comments
You play no role.
You tell her she needs mental health help, and you help her find a therapist.
Do you think you have a role in it? Are you controlling or abusive to her?
her saying she never had the thoughts in the previous relationship isnt necessarily placing blame on you(unless she explicitly did blame you)
theres not enough info here to really gauge what could be the issue, but if she is having these sorts of thoughts, it is neccesary for her to seek some professional help. you could help her in this process too– just be kind about approaching it. express concern, and let her know youre here to support and do what you can to change if you/your relationship is a factor.
has she experienced trauma prior to your relationship? have you notices any changes in her in the span on a year? how do you guys handle conflict? what does a “big” argument look like in your dynamic? these are all questions you guys need to discuss to help inform the next steps and sort of treatment she needs to seek out.