I (18f) live with three other people, Olivia(18f), Jane (18f) and Crystal (18f). We all go to the same college, and our “dorms” are apartment suite style, hence why it says apartment. We’re in the city, so it’s not like we have a campus. We had to sign a roomate contract when we first moved in, and I think that has gone out the window for everyone else.
Besdies how messy Olivia and Crystal are, they also for some reason CANNOT remember to lock the door. I have tried talking nicely about it, no change. I put one sign on the door, no change. Serious asking in paragraph to please lock the door because it makes me scared! We have had random delivery men on our floors to which they are not permitted. I have found the door unlocked overnight, it’s scary!! I put up two more signs today on the TV stand, and the fridge, asking to please remember to lock the door!!
Our roomate agreement says the door must be locked at all times. I had a lot of stuff in my hands when entering the apartment, and she told me “huh, would have been easier if you left the door unlocked” I know this was a joke, but I know i’m the butt of it. I asked why she was opposed to locking the door so bad, and Olivia said it was “annoying” to lock it when she came inside, because she was already home. I told her our agreement said otherwise, but I apparently fell on deaf ears and didn’t bother to continue.
That’s when I sent a long message in our groupchat about it, to which only Crystal responded with a thumbs up. I later got an apology from Olivia about how she knows it makes me feel safe, and that she may joke but it’s not a big deal, and she’ll work on locking it more.
Yet this morning I found the door had been unlocked all night! Are you joking!! This is when I put up two more signs. I don’t feel like it’s crazy to want the door to be locked, especially when we live in a city, in a dorm with young women.
I know they’ll be annoyed, but like, Am I the asshole?? I don’t want to be a bad roommate, I just don’t feel safe over the door being unlocked, I don’t know :((
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I (18f) live with three other people, Olivia(18f), Jane (18f) and Crystal (18f). We all go to the same college, and our “dorms” are apartment suite style, hence why it says apartment. We’re in the city, so it’s not like we have a campus. We had to sign a roomate contract when we first moved in, and I think that has gone out the window for everyone else.
Besdies how messy Olivia and Crystal are, they also for some reason CANNOT remember to lock the door. I have tried talking nicely about it, no change. I put one sign on the door, no change. Serious asking in paragraph to please lock the door because it makes me scared! We have had random delivery men on our floors to which they are not permitted. I have found the door unlocked overnight, it’s scary!! I put up two more signs today on the TV stand, and the fridge, asking to please remember to lock the door!!
Our roomate agreement says the door must be locked at all times. I had a lot of stuff in my hands when entering the apartment, and she told me “huh, would have been easier if you left the door unlocked” I know this was a joke, but I know i’m the butt of it. I asked why she was opposed to locking the door so bad, and Olivia said it was “annoying” to lock it when she came inside, because she was already home. I told her our agreement said otherwise, but I apparently fell on deaf ears and didn’t bother to continue.
That’s when I sent a long message in our groupchat about it, to which only Crystal responded with a thumbs up. I later got an apology from Olivia about how she knows it makes me feel safe, and that she may joke but it’s not a big deal, and she’ll work on locking it more.
Yet this morning I found the door had been unlocked all night! Are you joking!! This is when I put up two more signs. I don’t feel like it’s crazy to want the door to be locked, especially when we live in a city, in a dorm with young women.
I know they’ll be annoyed, but like, Am I the asshole?? I don’t want to be a bad roommate, I just don’t feel safe over the door being unlocked, I don’t know :((
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I know that it’s super annoying when roommates leave passive-aggressive notes, and having asked multiple times, and now putting up more little paper signs, I’m worried i’m being too paranoid and going overkill over the door being locked or not. I feel like I could just be a nagging roommate that won’t give it up.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
nta. you have the right to feel safe in your home.
you need to request a move, these roommates sound incompatible.
there are too many stories of student housing invasions, it doesn’t matter if they are fine with the risks – they are risking your safety and creating an anxious mindset that you shouldn’t have to have. wish your roommates well, talk to student housing and get out.
Do you think more signs will help or is just a way to help you work through your frustrations with them and fear of the situation?
Look, this is a common thing when people who’eve never lived together start living together and takes a min to find everyones priorities and see other perspectives. Heck, its why living in dorms is seen as part of the college experience.
NTA, you got confirmation that the see the issue and are working on it. More signs aren’t the solution but if it gives you peace have at it. Its not about you or any of them being crazy, its just we all have different idea of what keeps us safe.
Is there a Resident Assistant or other “supervisor” who oversees your building? I would contact that person first about your roomies’ non-compliance with the roommate contract.
NTA
You’re communicating with the wrong people. Now it’s time to reach out to the university housing department. Everyone who leaves the door unlocked is making every person in the dorm/apartment building unsafe. Who gives a crap about convenience? Safety is your need and your right.
Do you have a trusted friend who could come in and ‘rob’ the place while you are out? The same friend could then return said goods as ‘the police’.
Just an idea
Sometimes people get stuck in the ‘it’ll never happen to me’ mentality, and it takes a shock to make them realise how the real world is.
NTA. Print out the story about the guy who killed the college students and hang it on the door. Print out the story of Richard Speck who killed all the student nurses.
NTA.
Go to your colleges dorm management, and ask to have an automatic closer installed on the door and a door handle that requires a key. Then the door auto locks when closed.
When they ask why, just state your suitemates do not ensure the door stays locked.
I had a roommate in college who wanted the back door left open in our four bedroom house near our college campus because she frequently misplaced her key.
She was a senior and I was a junior and we hung out constantly. She woke me up one night in February because someone had attacked her and he had a knife. He also put the knife somewhere terribly offensive. I insisted we call the police and take her to the hospital even though she did not want to go.
As far as I know they got DNA but in the 80’s it was relatively new technology. When I followed up no one was charged.
Her attacker told her not to open her eyes and she was so scared she complied. We had gone out that night to college hangouts plus it was very dark in her room so I have no doubt that was a factor.
She came from a very wealthy family who swept in and she immediately left school. Her family told me that she did not want to have anything more to do with school, our friendship etc and basically never contact them again.
I kind of felt like they blamed me but I can tell you keeping doors locked since then is something I am anal about.
This whole incident has gotten me out of potential jury duty a couple of times, but each time I think of it, I feel sick to my stomach.
I had this problem as well with a roommate long ago. Interestingly, what ended up working was that the door latch on the outside handle broke, and the handle no longer turned the little “tongue“ that slides into the door. So when the door was closed, you couldn’t open the door from the outside. Being poor and in college, we couldn’t afford to fix it and the place was run by a slumlord. So, our solution was to put duct tape over the latch, so it wouldn’t slide into the door at all. However, that meant that the literal only way to keep the door shut was to lock it. Ironically enough, once the roommate got in the habit of locking the door every time they enter/exit, when we moved to a new house again the habit stuck.
In conclusion, all problems can be solved by duct tape.
EDIT: NTA to your roommates, but Y T A to yourself, because this isn’t going to help and you’re just going to get yourself more upset. Accept that their behavior won’t change, get a lock for your room, put everything valuable of yours in your room. Lock it when you go to bed at night.
NTA – i cannot stress this enough that the door should be locked even when everyone is there for your protection.
You want to consider taking this up with your landlord since all of you signed the roommate agreement and if that doesn’t work find another place to live.
NTA – i cannot stress this enough that the door should be locked even when everyone is there for your protection.
You want to consider taking this up with your landlord since all of you signed the roommate agreement and if that doesn’t work find another place to live.
Can you ask the RA if it’s possible to get a self-locking handle? NTA
I would put a deadbolt on my bedroom door while I am quickly looking for new roommates. That kind of stupidity does not get solved overnight.
NTA but make it a habit to check it after they come home