My boyfriend and I are buying a flat together, and he’s now out of nowhere asked me to sign something to say that if we break up that he gets the flat. He is paying the deposit. And he will probably be paying 2/3 of the household bills, etc. as I’m starting my own business and I’m not earning a lot yet but will pay 1/3 of everything. I’ve also sorted out every single document for this purchase and sorted out the mortgage application- he has not been involved at all except for the deposit and some of the solicitor payments. I have been the one talking to everyone involved. So I feel offended that he wants to do this in the middle of the purchase process without ever mentioning it.
I told him that if he wants the flat for himself that he should start a new application himself. And I wouldn’t be involved in that or any payments.
What do you think?
Comments
AH – He’s smart. Since you aren’t contributing any down payment your name shouldn’t be on the deed until you do….sorting papers isn’t comparable to a down payment…anyone can make a payment, doesn’t mean they deserve to be an owner
Oh come on!!!!
Do not shack up with this man! And now he wants you to subsidize half of his living expenses and rake in the equity if you break up? Put in a clause that says if you break up, you can continue to live there or do something to protect yourself.
How about don’t shack up. If he wants to, he’d marry you. Don’t shack up and find a man who doesn’t want to use you both as a personal sexual service station AND as an ATM.
NTA.. I think he should have thought it through more before signing it and splitting it cost, no matter how its split. If he wants the whole ownership he should pay the entire thing.
red flag alert 🚩🚩 if u guys buying a flat TOGETHER, then its both names, both ownership. Him trying to sneak this in feels manipulative ngl
ESH
You need an agreement where you have roughly 1/3 ownership.
NAH – my opinion on this topics is somewhat old school but you shouldnt be making decisions like this together unless you’re married. If he wants to buy a flat, great. If you want to buy one, great. Buying it together is intertwining your finances on the largest purchase of your adult life before you’re committing to a life together. Do not recommend.
I think that what he is asking is realistic if you want to think of it as he is buying the flat and renting space to you.
But you might want to make a counter offer where he would get to keep the flat but owe you the money that you put in to it at interest. And he would have to pay you the same monthly amount that you paid in so that you can make rent somewhere else. If you make that deal, get it in writing.
I would talk to an attorney before signing off on this deal and the fact that he wants you to sign it is a humongous red flag. NTA.
You should get something drafted with a fair split. He rightfully wants to protect himself, you should do the same thing and be fair.
I think you are entirely correct.
I think you would also be correct to not move in with him at all.
He is trying to take advantage of you. He is ignoring the 2/3, 1/3 planned splitting of bills/costs, as if your 1/3 is nothing to him. So, take your 1/3 away and he can buy/pay/own the whole thing.
You would also be correct to break up with him. Do you really want to build a life with someone who would treat you this way? Who would blindside you at the last minute? Who would dismiss your contribution and your value?
NTA and I hope you seriously reconsider spending any portion of your future with this man.
Be glad that he pulled this stunt now, rather than after you had moved in to the new home.
Best of luck to you.
NTA. Never buy real estate with a person to whom you are not married. It never ends well.
You bf just sent up a huge red flag. He is looking out for himself, not you. All his payments will add to his equity and all of your payments will also add to HIS equity. If you are not on the deed/title, then he is paying a mortgage and you are paying rent. Do not sign anything which gives away your rights. Look, just don’t buy the flat with him. Let him buy it on his own and not use you.
NTA
You have every right to refuse to be part of an application for a property, just to sign away your rights to it if the relationship ends.
The reason he’s even asking you to do this, is because there are laws that assert that you are legally equally entitled to the property in the event of a dissolution of the relationship. Those laws exist for a reason, because regardless of whether or not your income is lower, in the eyes of the law you are still an equal contributor in the maintenance of any home that the two of you share.
There are exceptions that vary by region/country, but that’s the general standard for most developed nations.
Its going to be an unpopular opinion I think, but I doubt it would be uncommon to have some sort of agreement in place where his deposit is protected and ownership is based on proportion of payments made to cover the mortgage. It all tends to be voided on marriage and split 50/50 after that.
The way he’s gone about this though is dead wrong, you would expect to discuss this upfront and make decisions based on that. I suspect someone, probably his family, especially if that’s where the money’s originally come from, has been in his ear. I also I don’t think anyone could blame you for walking away at this point.
“If we break up?” Honey, you are already half way there. Now pull up your big girl panties and get the hell out of that relationship.
I agree with you and I am very impressed that you are not willing to let him manipulate you into acting against your own best interest.
If your bf can afford to buy the flat all on his own then he should buy it himself and you could pay him rent to live in his flat.
If he can’t qualify for a loan to buy the flat based on his income alone and he needs your income in order to qualify for a loan to buy the flat… don’t agree to him getting the flat if you break up and definitely don’t sign any documents that give him the flat if there is a break up.
What would stop him from kicking you out of the flat the first time he gets really pissed at you? Nothing.
You are very intelligent, aware and smart. Don’t give him the benefit of the doubt and trust yourself to know what’s best for you.
How long have you been together? You should both be on the same page for everything, whos paying what etc.
NTA. Don’t buy real estate with him. This is a business transaction and he’s trying to change the rules midway through the game.
Never buy property with a person to whom you are not married.
Follow this rule and there is no problem.
if he wants the flat to be his then yes I’d make him go through the process of buying on his own. As for 1/3 of the bills, I would consider like paying rent. If you didn’t live at the flat, you’d be paying rent and other bills on your own place. Importantly, make sure this arrangement is in writing. Have his lawyer draw something up and have a lawyer review it to make sure its safe to sign.
I wouldn’t trust him
NTA and don’t continue dating people who try to steal from you. Because that’s basically what this man is doing to you.
NTA. If he wants to approach buying property together as a business deal, fine. He can buy it and you can pay a reasonable amount for a tenant. And make sure you get it in writing. If, however, he wants to actually have a relationship with you and be partners, he needs to stick to your original agreement.
I say this as someone who bought a house with my fiancé who I have now been married to for over 21 years. We started looking before getting engaged and his families realtor who we used to look, suggested he should buy the house himself in case we split up. Needless to say I was unhappy with her butting in and told him so.
We went into the purchase the same as if we were already married. If we had split up, we would have sold the house and split the profits. Yes, he has always made more money, but in over the day to day household work. We are a team and it’s not about what’s his or mine. It’s ours.
YTA if you move forward purchasing anything major with someone who is not your spouse unless you both have legal representation and a contract covering all contingencies.
Run
Just wanna say he also messaged me this whilst he’s at work right now and is too busy to reply to my replies so I have no idea what’s happening
NTA
Do not buy property with someone you are not married to in the first place. It does sorta make sense to have an agreement incase you split up if you are sharing an apartment, but he’s telling you if for what ever reason you guys break up you will be shit out of luck for the equity you put into the house, what about that sounds fair to you? What is the benefit to you agreeing to this? his peace of mind? What about YOUR peace of mind that your not going to be left homeless and broke if he changes his mind about wanting to be with you. Did he even offer to pay you back for the money you invested in the house if you broke up? Like there is no logic to asking you to do this and its very concerning that he is only worried about himself.
Before I was married to my husband and we shared an apartment, we agreed that if anything ever happened between us he would go stay with a friend while I got to stay in the apartment because he would want me to be somewhere he knows is safe and he knows he can protect and take care of himself as a man. That s is what I would call a healthy respect for his partner. Compare that to what ur bf is doing, it makes ur bf look like a coward who couldn’t care less if you are safe as long as he’s sitting pretty. He is giving you a taste of how he will want to handle future conflicts towards you, with the ball always being in his court. This is a huge red flag.
To be honest it sounds like he doesn’t trust you and that you didn’t do anything to warrant his distrust in you. So why are you doing all this for a man who doesn’t even appreciate what your going out of your way to do to help him set up everything for the flat in the first place. You have absolutely spoiled ur bf to the point where he think its okay TO EVEN ASK YOU TO AGREE TO THAT, its insulting to you tbh. He doesn’t sound mature enough to be splitting the largest purchase of your entire adult life with as it stands right now.
Sounds to me like he needs your income to be approved but plans on ditching you in the near future is would not go ahead with it.
This is all kinds of bad.
Regardless of buy or rent, bills must be paid. You looked at this as an attack on you, especially since you’ve organized this, but you are taking huge risks with starting a business. He is taking a huge risk buying and contributing to most of the bills. He could be trying to protect himself in some or any way. Sorting out documents does not compare to continually making most of the bill payments. Plus, as a business owner, you do not have stable income.
Just sit down and actually talk about why he wants this because you haven’t told us that. That answer is important to give my verdict. Also, if you does just make another account and start a new application, why would that leave you out of the 1/3 payments? You do know you can be added later. Paper work for bills doesn’t compare to bill payments.
For now, ESH.
Big red flags are waving at you.
If my BF wanted to buy a flat with me but expected me to hand it over when we split up. I would not put any efforts or pay any money towards the property. I’d pay for my food and utilities but nothing more. I’m not a tenant. Do not sign a thing. NTAH.
do NOT buy a flat with someone you’re not married to.
NTA. Don’t buy with this guy. Never buy property unless you are married, this is a terrible decision and he is clearly not trustworthy.
This is a huge red flag to spring on you and not have a discussion about. He also sounds really lazy if he can’t do any of this himself. Save your dough for your business and keep property and finances separate until things get more committed
Even on the 1/3 2/3 split you’d be entitled to at least 1/3 of the value. Maybe more down the road if the balance changes.
Get a lawyer. A prenup should always be a good thing for both sides.
NTA – I get that he may be entitle to more than you, but not all. This is a serious commitment, OP, and not one you should be entering into with someone who is trying to shaft you before it even starts.
NTA.
His actions tell me that you aren’t buying a flat together – he’s buying a flat, and you’re expected to contribute to his investment.
I dont think he is being unreasonable however, this should have been a discussion before the application was even started.
NTA unless you go along with his request to basically buy him a flat with no protection for yourself. If you still want to buy with him, the agreement in event of a break-up should be everyone gets back what they put in and then earnings/equity split proportionally. If only one of you wants to keep the flat post break-up, they should buy out the other person using the same formula. Loses are probably unlikely but if they occur should also be shared based on ownership percentage.
Please realize that the real issue here is that he is exit planning while you are trying to build a future with him. While I’m sure it’s extremely disappointing right now, try to be thankful that he revealed himself before you were even more entangled financially and legally.
NTA. And your answer was spot on! Let him put it in him name only and have the application/mortgage be in HIS NAME ONLY! Don’t sign a damn thing.
My advice is don’t buy real estate if you aren’t married to them. My mom made the mistake with her bf putting both names on when she paid most of the down payment. They broke up and he took the took the big room and she had to stay in the tiny room. Lots of bullying. He would puff out his chest and push her around yelling. He refused to go even when she offered to pay him “NO! I’LL DIE IN THIS HOUSE!” (he was unemployed-just drinking gin) it was a big ordeal. Fights, mediators, court for a restraining order when he tried to fight my brother and attacked me when we visited. I would be suspicious that he is thinking about a breakup now too… NTA. Correct answer.