I’m [27F] mad and disappointed at my boyfriend [26M] of 1.5 years, and I don’t know how to communicate my hurt, or if I’m in the wrong and over reacting.
I am currently on a vacation with my family, and since we’re living around the world, have arrived at different times. I arrived pretty early. My long-distance boyfriend, Zach, is not on vacation with me, and is now 7 hours time difference behind me (instead of 1 hour). My family does not approve of my Zach, to the point that me interacting with Zach is a major point of conflict to my relationship with my parents.
The time difference means it’s difficult to find a time to call. For the last few days, we called in my afternoon and his morning. My family arrived earlier today, meaning today was the last day we could call each other, albeit it would have to be a bit earlier (7 am instead of 8 am). Zach slept and could not make the 7 or 8 am. We did not call, and I’m disappointed that we continued texting business as normal.
I’m hurt because I feel that my time is not valued by Zach. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, since I’m a student and have a weird sleep schedule anyways and don’t think much of having to wake up earlier by an hour, whereas Zach works a 9-5, and typically wakes up at 7:30-8:30. I also brushed it over first (‘Seems like we couldn’t call. Oh well.’) while I’m doing the toxic the Summer I Turned Pretty Taylor move of expecting Zach to apologize and clear the air without explicitly saying it. Then again, I feel like this is something that Zach could be self aware.
How do I communicate my feelings to Zach without pushing him away by being over dramatic? It’s hard via text, and I don’t want either of us having hard feelings.
TL;DR: Boyfriend did not live up to unsaid expectations for long-distance communication. How do I communicate my hurt via text without being passive-aggressive or overreacting?
Comments
So he’s been getting up in the morning to call you every day, and then one day he falls asleep before your scheduled call which was in the middle of the night for him?
Is that right?
The dude was tired. He feel asleep. So what? You talk the next day. Unless I’m missing something here you need to learn to chill a little bit or you will be perpetually disappointed in relations with other people.
Did you specifically tell this was a special and important thing to you that you wanted him to do? If you did, and agreed on a time to call, and he just stood you up, then I get being upset. But I would recommend waiting to address it until after your vacation.
If you just expected him to know this was a big deal to you, I think mostly you need to let this go and just take away a mental note about needing to ask for what you want instead of expecting mind reading.