AITA for buying a stack knowing my fiancé gave me a ring that his mom gave him?
My fiancé proposed with a curved diamond band that used to be his mom’s. She doesn’t wear it anymore, it’s not a family heirloom or anything super sentimental, just a ring she had and gave to him. I really am grateful for it and for him giving it to me.
The thing is, I’ve always dreamed of having a ring with a stone in the middle. The band he gave me is really pretty on its own, but it doesn’t have that center stone look I’ve always pictured. So I’ve been thinking about buying one myself (something simple, like a Pandora solitaire) to stack with the ring he gave me.
Would that make me an asshole? I don’t want him to feel like I’m ungrateful, because I’m not. I love the ring he gave me, I just also want to have one with a stone.
Edit: I told him I’ll buy a ring to stack on it, and he just said “ahh okayy”. Not sure how to feel.
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AITA for buying a stack knowing my fiancé gave me a ring that his mom gave him?
My fiancé proposed with a curved diamond band that used to be his mom’s. She doesn’t wear it anymore, it’s not a family heirloom or anything super sentimental, just a ring she had and gave to him. I really am grateful for it and for him giving it to me.
The thing is, I’ve always dreamed of having a ring with a stone in the middle. The band he gave me is really pretty on its own, but it doesn’t have that center stone look I’ve always pictured. So I’ve been thinking about buying one myself (something simple, like a Pandora solitaire) to stack with the ring he gave me.
Would that make me an asshole? I don’t want him to feel like I’m ungrateful, because I’m not. I love the ring he gave me, I just also want to have one with a stone.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) thinking of buying another ring for myself
(2) because it would look like I am ungrateful
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
TELL HIM THAT. Communicate.
NAH but I’d say instead of picking it out for yourself, ask him to go pick it out together. That way you can have the moment together and choosing your ring can be another happy memory of the start of your lives together
If you can’t talk to him about this then you have no business being married. You’re gonna have much harder conversations with your spouse that you need to be able to talk about.
You should really talk to your fiancé about this. Maybe you can use his mother’s ring as your wedding band and add a ring that’s the style you’re envisioning as your engagement ring?
YWBTA if you added a ring without talking to him first, he might feel guilty that he didn’t get you the ring you really wanted, for whatever reason, so talking will make sure you are both on the same page.
You aren’t being ungrateful, quite the opposite by incorporating the ring he gave you with one that you love which can be worn at the same time. What you’ve done is very thoughtful, and women wear multiple rings often. You may be overthinking this.
NTA but I think maybe there is a way to do this that would keep your fiancé feeling like he was a part of it. Look- every girl has dreamt of what that ring is going to look like and we are the ones that have to wear it everyday for what we’re hoping is the rest of our lives- you deserve to LOVE it. I personally think every man should ask his partner if she wants to be involved bc for some it’s really important and for others it’s not. It was for me. My partner had a ring (with a center stone) that he was planning to give me. I did not like anything about it and actually chose a moissanite set in a completely different band. It’s a ring I like and look forward to wearing. But we’re going to use the smaller diamonds from his ring for my band. He asked if there was a piece of his family’s ring we could use and I happily accepted. It’s just about communication. Maybe he can help you pick out something less expensive with a center stone and you can use the band as your wedding band. I hope that helps.
NTA. It’s not uncommon for someone to not like their engagement ring so you shouldn’t feel bad. That being said, you should have a conversation with your partner to communicate your feelings without coming off as rude. The ring is more about the symbolism than the design.
Why would you marry someone that you can’t even talk to about the wedding ring? So he proposed with his mom’s ing, which has no sentimental value, without discussing it first? Norma for wanting what you want but AH to yourself and your relationship ship for joy communicating that
NTA He didn’t even give you a family ring, there’s no sentimental value or important meaning to this ring. It’s literally just a used ring his mom doesn’t like anymore.
The solitaire is the normal, average, traditional ring and it makes sense that you’d want that instead of, or in addition to his mom’s hand me downs from her jewelry box.
Yes, I’m diminishing the importance of the ring he gave you because I want to drive home how little thought he put into this. Is he really close to his mom? Does she not treat you well? This gives me the impression that mommy doesn’t approve of her son spending money on a real engagement ring for you.
NTA you might be able to take the ring in and have it redesigned to match your tastes
This is a fiancé and you conversation, not a Reddit question. If you can’t have a conversation about this, what else can’t you talk about?
NTA. He gave you a “placeholder ring.” You could also use the placeholder ring in your stack or as a wedding band.
NTA. But this tells me he’s cheap and not interested in marrying you because he didn’t even bother to pick out an engagement ring for you. He just gave you some old ring that no one else wanted.
REPOST from a couple of days ago.
Added the stack purchase.
NTA
I think it would make you TA, yes, but not for the reason you think. You could express the idea of having always envisioned having a stone like that, and maybe work together to make this something together, you know, where he could give you a stack, or possibly a first anniversary ring that matches your aesthetic.
It sounds like the problem isn’t financial, otherwise you wouldn’t just whimsically buy a new ring for the vibe. So maybe communicate whicha boi.
Also, a curved diamond band engagement ring is almost always NOT the “Wedding Ring” itself, and the post neglects to specific if your fiancé has a wedding ring for you on the day, which already might match the stone-dream you’ve got going on.
This is a comms issue. Talk to your mans.
Engagement rings are often just the band and stone, the wedding set adds the “stack”.
Shop for the wedding ring (s) together.
>My fiancé proposed with a curved diamond band that used to be his mom’s. She doesn’t wear it anymore, it’s not a family heirloom or anything super sentimental, just a ring she had and gave to him. I really am grateful for it and for him giving it to me.
This is the literal definition of a family heirloom. Something that has been in his family and is passed on to you.
>Edit: I told him I’ll buy a ring to stack on it, and he just said “ahh okayy”. Not sure how to feel.
Because he made a nice gesture (as did his mother, FWIW) that was loaded with symbolic and sentimental value, and your first thought was that you didn’t like the ring and wanted to distract from it.
Look, you should buy the jewelry you want, and wear it. But your actions have consequences, and your fiance is 100% correct to interpret this as a slap in the face. Because that’s exactly what it is.
Can’t the diamond one be your wedding band? Then there isn’t an issue at all
Why are you even marrying a man that didn’t take any effort in buying you the ring you wanted? It’s not even his mother’s engagement ring. Just some ring she no longer even wears..
a stack?
NTA. It sounds like he used a spare ring from his mom to propose without any effort to understand what you wanted. Proposing with a family ring because it has some meaning or to save money is one thing – but your fiance should still know that there is an expectation to get you your dream ring in the future
I’m assuming you are the same person who deleted their post earlier this week? I think you did that prematurely. You weren’t the asshole for being disappointed in your “engagement ring” from your fiancé. He put zero thought into what YOU would want in a ring you’re supposed to wear for the rest of your life. I’m not sure I’d want to start my marriage off this way, but if you’re 100% sure, then go buy whatever ring you always envisioned as your engagement ring. Get that classic center stone if that’s what you want. Pick out exactly what you want. Because your fiancé should’ve considered what you would’ve wanted in the first place.
NTA
INFO: Was there any more to the convo in the edit? Did you actually ask how he’d feel, or just tell him you were doing it?
NTA those curved bands are usually to wear with something else, they look strange on their own.
Women always think they’re so entitled to an engagement ring. It’s 2025 bruh
Get what you like. It will be on your hand the rest of your life. You deserve to love it.
I think this is a better fit for r/relationshipadvice. Because you need to have a conversation. “I love the band that your mom gave us, and I would like to also have a traditional engagement ring. I would like to use your mom’s ring as my wedding band. Will you come with me to a jeweler so we can pick out my engagement ring together?”
He gave you a hand me down wedding band, not an engagement ring.