I meet my boyfriend 2 years ago and I knew I wanted to Mary him. When I meet him at 31 he had never had a long term relationship… huge red flag. I know.
He broke up with me prematurely twice in the two years we dated. Both resolved in a couple days. Always said he wasn’t sure. He was happy, likes our life together, best sex he’s ever had and I’m the easiest person he’s dated. But he couldn’t shake this doubt (aka fear).
Our third break up I was done. I moved out. Absolutely crushed me. Same thing. He couldn’t shake the doubt.
I told him he needed therapy because we did not have issues- he had issues.
He went to therapy and he now realizes that “doubt” was actually his fear around commitment. Surprise surprise. Says he’s made the biggest mistake of his life. He wants to work on him self, he will never find someone who treats him better, he’s in love with me and he’s begging me to give him another chance. He didn’t sleep with anyone else or even date while we were separated (I did). He’s also never said the things he’s saying to me now. Ever.
He’s taking full accountability and he’s willing to put in the work/ continue therapy.
Do I take him back?
I’m aware I deserve someone who chooses me all the time. I’m aware he’s had his chance and he blew it. it’s hard to walk away from the best person I’ve ever dated when he’s willing to take accountability and put in the work and seems very sure that I am the one for him. Still very aware I don’t deserve this. But I’m also aware that I wanted to marry him. I truly loved us together. I’ve never been as close as happy in any other relationship. I really mean that.
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He broke up with your three times in two years. Come on. Three strikes and he’s out. Although it’s apparent from your post that you can’t wait to take him back. Good luck with breakup number four. His next excuse will be that he needs a different therapist….
Fool me 4 times, shame on me
You are allowing him to treat you like trash. You are not a therapist – it is not your job to take on a broken idiot and reform him. He won’t change. Have enough self-respect to walk away and to want better for yourself.
Now it’s your turn to decide whether you want to give him another chance or not. He has already taken the first step towards you. Relationships are not simple; breakups can occur every week or month, but the next day you get back together and laugh together. It’s important to have a mutual understanding of each other’s feelings. If you are happy with him and he is making a serious effort, then answer is clear.
I’ve gone back to someone when they did real change like therapy but it didn’t work out because we argued. I would go back to someone if they explained their issues and mistakes.
This sounds like it goes beyond “commitment issues.”
Even a guy who legitimately had something like that, if the right girl came around (in his opinion of course) he would commit in a heartbeat. Sadly he thinks he can do better than you (you sound wonderful and he sounds like a moron) so that is why he keeps returning to playing the field.
Suddenly he realized he isn’t the prized catch that he thinks he is, knows you are a great girlfriend and wife material, so he is trying to hold onto you in desperation out of fear.
OP you need to realize your worth and dump this chump for good. Tell him to continue therapy for the next girl and then block him on everything. You deserve better, OP. A LOT BETTER
Why not ask to see if you can go to a therapy session with him or book your own appt with his therapist. If I were in your shoes, I would want to know if his therapist thought it was a good idea for him to be in a relationship at this point in treatment. For alcoholics, recovery includes being single for 1 year because you have to focus on your sobriety. I wonder if it is the same for your BF? My concern is that he would quickly fall back into his same old patterns. Does he now have the coping skills to be a better partner?
I think if you take him back he’ll definitely do it again. Taking him back teaches him subconsciously that you’ll always be available. I think the pain and discomfort will be worse if you take him back. There’s a consistent love out there for you.
If you know you don’t deserve this, why are you asking? Where is the disconnect?
Breaking up and getting back together (especially multiple times) isn’t good. Stay broken up.
“Never let a man tell you he doesn’t want you twice.”
He has told you 3 times already.
Seriously at some point you really gotta ask why you keep making dumb decisions. How many times does he need to dump you before you wake up
Go to a therapy appointment with him to get some clarity on the work he’s done. If you want to trust he’s actually changing the give him one more chance.
Updateme
Nope. It could take him years to work through his commitment issues. Move on and find a man who actually wants to be with you and marry you.
No.
lol no. move on.
No.
Just don’t. You deserve to have your life. Not his issues