My GF works a remote 9-5 from an office inside our apartment building. I work asynchronously from home as well. Everyday she’s freaking out over her work and that her boss is over working her, so I do my best to support her. I bring her water, I cooked us dinner every night, I try to stop by and give her a shoulder rub every few hours. I really put a lot of effort in into making her feel better. But anytime there’s a slight inconvenience with me, I feel like there’s a total eruption. She then apologizes for it afterwards and says she needs to do better but nothing ever happens.
Just right now we’ve been together the last 2 weeks. Last week we took a trip out of town, and the week before that we went to this big fall event. Every night this week I stayed home and cooked dinner for us and we watched a movie or show together.
Now today a good friend of mine asked if I could fill in as an interviewer for a commercial. I went down to ask her if she was cool with me going to that, and she immediately flipped out. Saying why would I ask if I can see how stressed she is, and then started crying in front of people in the office. Now she’s saying she doesn’t want to be a second choice for our plans – I can’t even form words because I don’t understand. I literally can’t even think of how to describe my confusion. Sorry to cut this short. Please help me articulate how this is making me feel and my side of this. I need to end with a question so, please help?
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Short-term: Figure out for yourself whether your girlfriend will be alright if you go support the interview, based on what information you have available now.
Long-term: Explain how your girlfriend’s difficulty with handling her stress or emotions is creating problems for you, and task her with addressing this. Start by having her figure out a plan that she believes would be effective and aligned with her values, priorities, and goals – you can assist her with this, if you want. Then hold her accountable for working towards that goal with occasional check-ins. If she’s not willing or able to change, well, it’s your call how long you want to stay in a relationship with someone who’s, in your words, “a detriment to your life”.
Your feeling is your gut instinct screaming at you to get out of this relationship.
No matter how much you love her, or how much she says she does.
Love is shown, not said. And in her case specifically, she does not love you one bit.
How can I know this ? I am just a random guy on reddit.
The answer is simple. I am old, experienced. And I know for a fact, RESPECT, is the main ingredient of the womanly love formula.
A woman that does not respects her man, does not love him. Point blank. No ifs no buts.
Every time she ‘erupts’ on you, is a show of disrespect.
That she flipped on you in front of the office. Massive disrespect. She probably hates you my man.
Actions speak louder than words.
It is up to you what to do with this information my friend. It is your life, your choice, and, as you have found out recently, your consequences.
very one-sided relationship it seems. do the interviewer gig. talk to her after.
When is your lease over?
Your gf is self absorbed. Most of us have stressful jobs. It seems she could care less about you and your feelings, it’s all about her. You need to let her know that if her behavior continues and she can’t resolve the issue the relationship can’t continue.
It sounds like you’re putting in a lot of effort to support her, but her stress is spilling over onto you in ways that aren’t fair. You’re confused because you’re giving a lot and still being met with blowups when you try to do something for yourself. Your needs matter too, so the question is: is this something she can work on managing, or is it showing that the relationship dynamic itself isn’t sustainable?