TLDR: So I just had a revelation. My (35M) girlfriend (28F) of 6 months says she feels “empty” and doesn’t love me as much anymore. Our chat is down there. How can I proceed and process this?
It’s a partially long distance relationship. We hadn’t met for 5 weeks. She had expressed frustration with this. This was the longest stretch away because I was sick, normally it’s 50% long distance and 3 weeks was the longest separation. I don’t think this is necessarily the reason, but it may or may not have contributed.
So when we met today, she was generally a little less touchy-feely than normal (but not awfully different) but I also didn’t press for more touchy-feely, because I thought she was tired. I picked her up after work. She had slept particularly late last night. So I thought she is just tired. We had a nice time, we had coffee chatted, laughed, ate dinner. The usual. I thought we meet tomorrow again and get back to our usual rhythm.
She said that some things between us feel diminished, specifically “our love”. After I said not for me, she said then “for her”. But she couldn’t explain how or why. She feels empty and also she’s sorry, mostly for herself.
I was shocked, because this felt so sudden. Just days before, everything seemed fine. She appeared very excited I was coming back. “I’m expecting you…” I asked a few questions (see chat below) but there appeared to be no reason.
My question is: is this a usual occurrence where a partner suddenly feels “empty” and says their love isn’t as strong anymore? Was this about the relationship, or more about their own internal state? I have had heartbreak but this kind is new. How did you process this?
I don’t want to pressure her or beg, but I’m also very upset about the (almost certain) possibility of losing her. Right now I’m trying to show care and give space, but inside I feel as anyone would.
Any other advice on how to handle this, or how to respond to her reasonably would be welcome.
Thank you all!.
Transcript of our chat (no photos because it’s translated)
Me:
(Ed Sheeran – Thinking out loud)
[YouTube link] (21:58)
D:
You noticed (22:22)
Me:
I don’t know (22:23)
What did I notice? (22:23)
D:
Then, okay (22:26)
Me:
How (22:27)
Please tell me (22:27)
D:
I felt that some things between us have decreased very significantly (22:35)
Me:
That’s possible, but not from my side (22:37)
Are you implying that your feelings for me have changed? (22:37)
D:
That’s how I felt (22:37)
Me:
But you should know this. You do know, don’t you? (22:37)
D:
Know what (22:38)
Me:
Are you implying that your feelings for me have changed?
This (22:38)
I love you the same as before
but you don’t, right? (22:39)
D:
I felt that some things between us have decreased very significantly
That’s how I felt (22:40)
Me:
What exactly decreased? (22:40)
D:
Our love (22:41)
Me:
Not from my side. Did I seem like I loved you less? (22:41)
D:
If it’s as you say, maybe it’s only “for me” like this. I don’t know (22:42)
Me:
I understand (22:42)
This is a hard question to answer: (22:42)
But what changed? (22:43)
D:
Not because something changed (22:43)
Me:
And when did you realize? When you saw me again? Why? (22:43)
Me:
Answering these questions may be impossible, but you understand that I had to ask (22:44)
D:
There doesn’t need to be an event (22:44)
There’s no reason (22:44)
Me:
Yes, that’s true (22:44)
But I had to ask (22:45)
D:
I don’t know what will happen (22:51)
My mind and soul feel completely empty (22:51)
Inside me it’s always emptiness again (22:52)
Me:
I understand (22:52)
Thank you for telling me honestly (22:53)
D:
I’m sorry (23:02)
Mostly for myself (23:03)
Good night (23:04)
Me:
Don’t worry (23:05)
Good night (23:05)
P.S. I know some may come out and say she is cheeting and moved on, and I want to say, thank you, I find it unlikely, she would straight break up before doing that.