Me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for 14 months now. I have extreme anxiety but we have both learnt to manage it (mainly me ofc) but I know it still affects me (important because of how often I bring up problems is due to anxiety). Our relationship has been going downhill since before our 1 year anniversary where we actually broke up for a week. And recently we constantly fight every week.
Some important info: we have always been semi long distance but he used to be a masters student so could see me more- now we’re long distance and 3 hours away from each other so can’t see each other until the weekend. We have been like this for a month now.
Currently we are really struggling to make long distance work. We constantly argue our him not prioritising communication with me and our conversations being dead a lot of the time. But when we see each other everything is perfect and we get along great and really enjoy being present with each other.
I am often upset with him about not caring to communicate with me better- and he’s internally translated that to messaging me for no reason other than he feels he has to. So I feel us drifting apart because our connection is disappearing, but he feels us drifting apart because all he thinks about is having to message me and therefore it’s become exhausting for him. So we’re both constantly in this state of not being happy with each other, but ultimately it’s my fault because I cause arguments because I feel my needs aren’t being met.
He’s just started a new job so things are stressful and he’s often given up doing things he enjoys (which I’ve only just found out) in order to spend more time with me. But as I didn’t know this before I couldn’t appreciate it because I wasn’t worried about how often we saw each other and more about how we keep the connection strong when we don’t.
I just feel we’re constantly bucking heads about this problem of lifestyle differences like him going out more and me not, and me not wanting him to be perceived as single but him not wanting to settle down which he thinks I want but I don’t. I just want to not be a second thought in his life regarding his plans and him wanting to talk to me. We don’t know how to solve these, but neither of us are willing to give up and want to try make it work.
We’re also not in a position to move in together anytime soon so long distance or not living together is not something we can just remove.
I just want advice about whether or not it’s worth fighting for my relationship because we both love each other so much, genuinely get along, and for the most part are good communicators (when it comes to arguments, which is rare these days). Or whether it’s time to call it quits, because I keep getting hurt over by his seemingly lack of care and the short term pain of losing him would be less than the long term pain of staying together?
I think we’re both nearly ready to give up to be honest. He doesn’t think he ever does anything right, and my needs never feel fully met when we’re not together. I really don’t know how to proceed. We do talk and will talk more about this but I’m not sure talking is doing anything anymore. I also don’t know how to properly communicate what I need from him- and he struggles to do the same with me tbh.
I feel like I’m fighting for my life here, please help.
TL/DR: Should I continue with my relationship if our lifestyles don’t match anymore despite us both loving each other and wanting to try make it work, but feeling like nothing is working?